Oby Bamidele: The more you conform, the less you become
[bctt tweet=”I predominantly help women dig deep to discover their true self – Oby Bamidele” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Oby Bamidele is an Authenticity Coach and registered Counsellor who believes that a person can only be truly happy when he or she is being true to themselves. Oby started her career as an accountant, and in her book “Finding Purpose”, she shares candidly her challenges and triumphs in breaking out of a conformist life and uninspiring career. Her interest had always been in people and psychology, but at 18 years old, she lacked the knowledge and conviction to convince her parents that studying Psychology would be a wise career choice. After years of struggling to live the fulfilling life she craved, Oby finally took the leap and she certainly is not looking back. Her goal is to empower women around the world to be authentic, self-aware and live purposeful, nonconformist, liberated lives. Tell us a little about yourself and your job as an Authenticity Coach? Although my clients are diverse, I predominantly help women dig deep to discover their true self and the clarity and courage to make the changes that will enable them to live a deeply satisfying life. We live in a world where we strive to fit in and conform to gain approval. We do what is expected of us by our families, friends, society and the world, usually to the detriment of our own needs, dreams, and passion. In our bid to fit in, we lose the essence of who we are, or we hide away the parts of us that we feel do not fit into the ideal standard. However, doing so hinders our ability to embrace our uniqueness and individuality. When my clients come to me, they are frustrated, confused, scared and unsure. My job is to help them, understand who they are, identify the root of their problems and coach them to develop the right mindset, resilience, and resources to achieve their desired change. Before becoming an Authenticity Coach and Counsellor, you were an Accountant. What inspired the transformation? I started my career in Accounting, having studied Accounting and Finance at University. But I was unfulfilled in a career that didn’t play to my strengths, passions or interests, which for me was soul-defying. I wanted to be excited about my work and not dread Monday mornings. [bctt tweet=”Oby Bamidele wanted to be excited about her work and not dread Monday mornings” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] I was unhappy and constantly trying to be the person that I thought I should be rather the person I truly wanted and needed to be. As a result of my unhappiness, I made poor choices in my spending, relationships and my eating habits. Things were spiralling out of control, I was engaging in excessive behaviours to numb my emotional pain. I reached a low point where I had to re-think my life; my self-discovery journey began. I started having counselling and mentoring. Through counselling, I began to know me and I liked the new person that was emerging. I learned that not knowing what I wanted was the route to a wasted and frustrated life. I have always been passionate about empowering people and the more self-aware I became, this stood out strongly as the career path for me. It took me 5 years to complete my training in counselling but I thoroughly enjoyed it. After working part time as a counsellor, I finally took a leap of faith and launched my private practice. I love my work and I am extremely passionate about it. I understand the pain of my clients because I have been there. Also, I run self-awareness masterclasses for women and teenage girls, called BARE. Doing the work I love gives me the opportunity to work with schools, organisations, to speak about Authenticity and Mental Health. [bctt tweet=”Having been there before, Oby Bamidele understands the pain of her clients” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] I have written two books; “Finding Purpose” and my latest book is titled “Me, My hair and the Rest” -an autobiographical account of my journey to self-acceptance and authenticity, recounted through my relationship with my hair. What are some obstacles you encountered during this transformation? My main obstacles were fear in its various forms, particularly fear of losing my identity. I discovered how much my identity was attached to a job title, despite the fact it was a job title that didn’t excite me. I was still desperately trying to hold on to a status that made me feel validated by others. Why do you think many women are conforming to societal standards lately? What happens to people who conform to societal standards? I think that as human beings; we crave approval and acceptance. Often when we try to follow our own way, we fear we will be rejected, ridiculed, or looked down on. Many are desperate for approval and believe that conforming is the way to earn that validation. Culture and society model the perfect life as having financial wealth, status and possessions, looking flawless and perfect. It is all about the external things. Whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with having material wealth, many rarely stop to question whether the cultural and societal norms are aligned with their own values. As African women, many of us have had our lives mapped out from a very young age. Before the age of 10, I knew that my life would look like this; go to university; get a good job; get married and have children. For a long time that was as far as I understood my purpose to be. [bctt tweet=”Many African women have had our lives mapped out from a very young age – Oby Bamidele” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] But I lacked self-knowledge to question if I wanted those things and if so, why. Was it out of my own desires or because I had to tick a box? When I ask clients these questions, many don’t know the answer. Some are scared to find