Are children the enemies of progress?
[bctt tweet=”How do you balance the priorities of having a child and building an empire? ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Being a woman is one of the greatest privileges I feel I have been given in this life. We are all aware of the history of oppression that women have suffered in the past and the many women who fought off the oppressors and paved the way for us. Now we delight in the possibilities and opportunities presented to us, to carve out our own destinies. I once heard someone say, “Some of us (women) have become the men we dreamt of marrying”. That is certainly an ode to all you badass females kicking down doors and handling your business. That is not to say, we don’t need our wonderful men. Should my time upon this earth be up very soon, I will forever be proud of starting Demur and hope to be counted amongst those badass women who have kicked down doors and shaped history. I know I have started something that will forever live on. Along with that, one other thing that I know I want to leave on this earth when my time is up, are some little Noreen’s. Some beautiful children who I can help mould into pleasant human beings who will also go on to make a significant contribution to the world during their time here. I also want to be able to chase them around whilst I’m still young and fit. [bctt tweet=”Is it selfish to want to build something first and delay starting a family?” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Putting your empire building on pause Whilst I am working hard to build an empire and ensure I have all my ducks in a row, the little Noreen’s project is not an urgent one, but it’s one that’s on the agenda. Never mind the fact that I’m fast approaching 30 and should I not reproduce soon, society will be looking at me with cause for concern as if I am some strange creature. The body clock theorists do not help much either. I am surrounded by friends and family members who have given birth in the last 2 years. Not only have I had the joy of watching these beautiful children grow, I am also a godmother to three of these children. I can certainly tell being a mother is not an easy job at all from watching these mothers raise their kids. Being a mother to a young child is very demanding. There are many sacrifices you have to make including for some women, putting their careers on hold. If you are in employment you get your maternity leave and various allowances but when you are going at it alone, can you afford to take a year or so out of your own business? I have a friend who has a business that has just taken off and there are opportunities lined up that will only take her business higher. However, those opportunities require her full attention to go forward and now her partner is asking for kids. She asked me, “Can you choose between having kids and taking your business forward?” You can’t chase two rabbits at the same time that’s for sure. The choice to take a career break and have kids or try and juggle both is a personal one. No one can choose your destiny for you, not even your partner. For me personally, I feel, if I was to have a baby in the next year or two, one is going to have to suffer. It’s either I will not be able to give my child the full attention she deserves (I really really really want a girl first by the way) or I will not be able to fully commit myself to Demur. So, I am seated here asking myself the same question as my friend, what do I want more? To some people that is an absurd question to even ponder about. You cannot compare a baby to a business. Although to a certain extent it often feels like I have a baby already. As much as I can delegate things to other people much like leaving your baby at the babysitters, you still must make sure that the baby is looked after. You must protect your baby, you must protect the integrity of your business. I cannot go on holiday yet without worrying or checking in on Demur, just like a Mother who has left her child at home. [bctt tweet=”You can’t chase two rabbits at the same time that’s for sure” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] So, can my friend say to her partner, “Baby I want a child but you are going to have to wait until I finish building my business,” When will that be though? I can certainly understand why some women chose not to have children at all. Oprah once said she chose not to have children because she knew it would get in the way and well look at the incredible empire she has built. There is no telling whether she would have had the same level of success had she chosen to have kids. You can have your cake and eat it too On the other hand, there are women who show us that you can have it all. Beyoncé had her first child when she had already created a wonderful legacy and went back to business and there is no doubt she will get right back to business after the twins. I once read a quote by Shonda Rhimes, where she said: “Motherhood is not about shrinking down, it’s about showing your kids how to be a powerful woman.” For Shonda Rhimes that means juggling being a mother and running her Shondaland empire. How do you balance the priorities of having a child and building an empire? Is it selfish to want to build something first and delay starting a family? Success is a long winding road, what if it takes you 10,20,30 years to get
Master the art of the side hustle in school
[bctt tweet=”If you are an active person in school you probably have 2-3 things going on at the same time” via=”no”] In university, it becomes important to effectively balance the primary purpose of being on campus (school) with every (and I mean every) other activity you have going on. From my first year in school, I was always involved in multiple activities. I worked at the school’s radio as an OAP, I worked as an event host within and outside the school and the state. I worked with several magazines, writing for them, raising funds, planning events etc. I had obligations in church…phew! In my final year, there was the main school project, several committees, freelance writing jobs, a sewing and a buying and selling business, a costume creative group, and of course church. For a student, this is equivalent to having side jobs and a main job. In this case, the main job is school and that is your starting point. How do you juggle all of this? 1. Your primary focus will determine the spare time you have Like it or not, love the school (course) or not, you are bound by your academic schedule. That is your 9-5. (Or 6.30-5 in some cases ). When you have your school schedule (timetable ) down to a pat, then you can begin to fix other pieces in place. 2. Work smart,not hard. Cliché but true. And no, I am not advocating for class skipping. It will go a long way to help balance your multitasking if you quickly figure out which classes are necessary, important, compulsory and useful. I have seen students wait around for the next class, staying on in spite of there being no classes. They just hang around. Except when you are networking or gathering information, you don’t have that luxury. 3. Every second of the day counts. Tick tock. You work with time. 30 minutes is ample time to fix one or two things within a given period. You might end up wasting time if you have no idea how to effectively use the free moments you have. 4. Know those who can help you ease your burden. In this case, the “who” will be your class representative. A cordial relationship with your class representative puts you in a position of information. A typical day for me starts the night before. I call my class representative to ask for shifting class schedules, classes most likely not to hold, vital information and anything that will save me from making an unnecessary trip inside school. A good school squad (if your squad is not in your class), is needed to cover up lapses in the case you get stuck conducting other business. They are your support team. 5. Follow a daily plan My planning culture from school has helped me till this moment. I make a weekly plan, a very big one. It is colour coded to accommodate classes, meetings, jobs, church obligations, business and whatever I might have going on, including fun time (totally needed). Then I break them into smaller blocks by the days. I then proceed to pen into my mini planner (small enough to fit into an average clutch purse) the activities that are high on the priority list outside school, because that is a constant. The list in my mini planner are the things I must complete. These are the jobs, clothes to sew, meetings, assignments, etc. You consult this planner like an Oracle on an hourly basis. Ticking off one completed task after the other can be fulfilling. Finally getting yourself into a good head space each morning will go a long way to prepare you for your almost topsy-turvy day. Personally, for me to start a productive day, I need the following; prayer, exercise, a glass of water and a good breakfast. NB: Priscilla’s all important bag contents for a work day 1. A tote bag (to carry everything!) 2. Bottled water 3. A fruit/chocolate bar 4. Bubblegum 5.Sunglasses 6. Slippers (for when I wear heels or loafers) 7. My planner 8. Any work related items 9. Earphones 10. Hand lotion 11. Lip gloss 12. Wipes and mini tissues 13. Pens 14. A cabman. He won’t fit into a bag but is necessary for mobility.
Laying the foundations of your business while holding down your day job
[bctt tweet=”This been the hardest undertaking of our lives thus far, but also the most rewarding ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] In August 2016, my friend and I took the plunge and decided to launch our very own social enterprise. Born out of many long conversations and brainstorming sessions, we finally settled on creating an organization that could help address some of the challenges Nigerian girls are facing stress-induced their educational development. That was how Give Girls A Chance came about. We were giddy with excitement as we embarked on the process of registering the organization and launching a fundraising campaign. In January 2017, we had raised enough money to sponsor the first group of girls in the program with full scholarships including tuition, fees, books, and uniforms. We also recruited five amazing volunteers to serve as mentors through our dedicated mentoring program. With all of this in place, we set to work running the organization like the bad-ass boss ladies we are. Half a year later, we can honestly say that this been the hardest undertaking of our lives thus far, but also the most rewarding thing we have ever done. Mind you we both decided to do this right at the moment when our other professional careers were taking off. I had just joined the UN in August and was posted to Zambia. My partner Hauwa was wrapping up her youth service and about to start working as a full-time doctor. But this idea was something that had been on both of our minds for a long time and we did not want to wait any longer. We are both deeply passionate about public service and believe that it is our duty to contribute to the development of Nigeria. What better way to do that than by training up the next generation of women and future leaders of our country? So, we took the plunge, and for better or worse, we have survived to talk about it. For every success that we have had, we have had twice as many failures and faced countless roadblocks. When it comes to laying the foundations for your businesses while holding down your day job, here are some of the experiences we’ve had and advice we would like to share with the readers. Say goodbye to sleep…at least for the time being Before you take this flirtationship any further, imagining the idea of starting a side hustle, business or organization while keeping your day job and still managing to get 8 hours of sleep, stay fit and avoid stress-induced acne, let me stop you right there. Unless you are Wonder Woman (and who knows some of you very well may be), you should know now that you’re going to have to make a choice between bringing your business to life or getting the daily recommended 8 hours of sleep. I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights we’ve had and how many things we’ve had to miss out on because we choose to invest our waking hours and our resources into growing our organization. There is so much research, planning, and coordination required to grow a business and if you have to do this alongside a job that demands the 8 hours of the day when most people are typically productive, it simply means you’re going to have to cut into your sleep and leisure time to stay on top of everything. The good news is that the joy of seeing your idea come to life is unparalleled. Nothing beats that feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment you will have when you start to hit your targets. And if all it takes is skimping on sleep every now and then, that’s a small price to pay, right? You can always make it up later when your name is up in flashing lights and you’re rolling deep in that moolah. [bctt tweet=”You’re going to have to make a choice between bringing your business to life or sleeping” via=”no”] Budget, budget, budget I grew up with a banker for a father and he tried his best to instill in me the spirit of budgeting and saving. But I like shiny things too much and I’m always ready to take on the challenge of seeing how much stuff I can get for all the money in my account. I am so thankful that Hauwa is in charge of the finances for Give Girls A Chance. We managed to raise a significant amount of money when we first launched and true to form I wanted to go big and sponsor as many girls as we could but Hauwa talked sense into me. We decided to start with 11 girls, put some money into savings so we could pay for events and plan for the future. We knew that it would not be cool if we sponsored 200 girls for one semester or two, but then had no money to keep on going. The girls would end up right back where they started, having to drop out of school because they could not afford to go. Instead, we decided to take things step by step, prudently accounting for every kobo and making sure we were getting the best return on our investments. As the new school year approaches, we are thrilled as we can now comfortably take on more girls for an extended period of time. My advice is to use the resources you have wisely and always have some money left in the bank. [bctt tweet=”Use the resources you have wisely and always have some money left in the bank ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Be consistent Because we both have full-time jobs, the only times we are able to work on Give Girls A Chance related activities are in the evenings and on weekends. In fact, that’s not true. We end up replying to emails, texts, and requests during our lunch breaks at work too! Saturday mornings at 9 AM are set in stone for our weekly check-in meetings and Sundays
How well are you balancing work and life?
Remember my article on being a career woman and balancing relationships with mum? Now, because all good things come in pairs, (pause for a dramatic effect while you reminisce over your favourite pair of things… mmm double scoop pistachio gelato), I figured that one more stab at this topic was exactly what was needed. Yes, we need to lengthen, then conclude the discussion – cue memories of Goldilocks. Let’s talk balancing work and life this time. Right, you now know how I stumbled my way into an acceptable balance of a career, dealing with family members and still kept my mom largely proud of me. But how about we talk about you? How well can you do all I’ve been able to do without going through my very unorthodox methods? Well, hold your horses, people, ‘cos it’s Christmas and I come bearing gifts! Priorities matter. When I first realized I was finally living a life that overwhelmed me, the first thing I did was to immediately decide what my life’s priority was. For me, it was my job; I could deal with everything else in life if my job situation was fine. So, I paid very close attention to how I felt about my job. I knew that if my feelings changed from liking it to being frustrated, it would have a run-on effect on every other aspect of my life. So, it’s really simple, you have to center your world around something. It helps you with a constant point of balance when things go wildly out of sorts, ‘cos, truth is, they will. You know, life is nothing if not an unending series of ridiculous events. Carry your life along with you When we think about priorities, we often think of them as zero-sum games. I never thought of mine as that. See, I unconsciously realized that there were lots of little ‘good’ choices involved in deciding one’s priorities. So, though work was my primary priority, I still dedicated time to being social with my aunts and participating in their lives. I still shared life experiences with my mom and the rest of my family. There are only so many times you can miss plans before people begin to wonder if you really care about them. This can really hurt if this sentiment comes from those you hold most precious. To avoid this, it’s important that you carry everyone along with you and your life. Now, this doesn’t mean talking shop at dinner but letting them in on your life would help them understand your situation. They’ll understand that you’d spend more time with them if you could. (Don’t take the piss, though. Nobody likes a piss taker) Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re overwhelmed You’ve carried your folks along and they understand, but now nothing is going according to plan. You don’t want to come off as complaining because they’d think you’re just bad at managing things and you don’t deserve nice things. Sounds familiar? Don’t worry, this is very normal. Don’t laugh but I apparently missed school when this was taught. I kept trying to put on a brave face for everyone. But once I began to falter, I realized that it was okay to sometimes, not have things go as planned. Sometimes, you plan to the minutest detail (seriously, you need to plan! There are not enough hours in the day) and somehow things still don’t work out. You miss your mom’s birthday, your friend’s graduation and that deadline at work. You may feel like a failure on all fronts, which is fine. But instead of getting overwhelmed, struggling, and crying on the kitchen floor in your work pants like I used to do, admit it to yourself. Talk to a trusted person (preferably, someone you know has more on their plate than you do). Tell them what you’re going through and ask for advice on how to deal with them. I called my mom pretty much every day to moan and cry on the phone. I listened to her make light of my ‘giant’ issues and that helped. And always remember to take meaningful breaks Now, this point is very rich, coming from me. I’m the reigning champion of team ‘No Leaves’. 5 years! No, really I need a GoFundMe account for this, it’s no longer a joke. Of course, because how else can I afford an all-expense paid walking vacation to south-east Asia? No debates on this. You need breaks. Lots of them. I may not have been able to go on my dream walking vacation but I try dedicating some time during the week for myself. My current set up makes Saturdays free for me. I clean my house on Wednesdays so I can take the trash out on Thursday morning. This means that by Saturday, I can wash my hair, exfoliate my skin, put a mask on my face, do my nails, watch terrible movies, call my friends, cook and go out. Most Saturdays, I do all of these and more but on some others, all I manage is a cup of coffee as I sit at my laptop working. I work in a start-up, and so these things happen. However, even when I’m unable to do personal stuff during the week, I try to have a day to check in on myself. Because at the end of the day, it’s called work-life balance, right? There’s more to you than just work, family, and friends. You definitely need to take care of you because if you don’t, no one else will. Now that you know what to do, create a balance Finally, I know how hard it is being a young career-driven woman in this economy. But in our pursuit of success, let’s remember that the whole point of life is enjoyment and beautiful memories. Now I leave you with these ever charming words my father once said to me – “Your colleagues will only observe a minute of silence”.