How to survive The Big F word — Failure
The moment you hit rock bottom is not a very unique experience. Although the actions were taken after the realization vastly differs from one person to another. For me, it was while watching a very romantic movie, the kind of movie where the guy races through traffic to get to the airport so he can finally pour out his true feelings to his dream girl. He just manages to catch her at the ‘check-in line’, runs up to her, grabs her and begs her not to leave. She looks deep into his eyes, doubting him, doubting everything and then all of a sudden. BOOM! He gets down on one knee and proposes to her with his Grandma’s wedding ring. Romantic right? And yet, I couldn’t figure out why it was at this exact moment that I started to cry like someone stole my cat or something… It was a few light tears at first…then it turned to real sobbing. At that moment I realized that: This movie is so corny, no guy would make it through traffic in time to get the girl – not Kampala traffic anyway, plus we have only one airport! My tears, these tears, had nothing to do with the movie and everything to do with the fact that I was failing at life…with a capital F! I was exhausted and starting to hate this dream I’d been pursuing what felt like an eternity. I’d been working myself to the bone, but nothing seemed to be going right. I’d received negative client reviews, was behind on important production deadlines, my landlord was starting to begin all his messages with scary sentences like “If you do not pay by the close of business today…” It was hard, really hard but if you’re an entrepreneur, failure isn’t a choice, its part of the game, it’s how you learn and if you’re smart about it, it’s how you grow. Failure is the big “F” word one no one wants to talk about. The time you didn’t meet a client’s expectations so they decided to go with a competitor. That time you couldn’t make the payment. When you took the business loan and didn’t anticipate how the market would react to your product. That time your marriage fell apart leaving you with a broken heart and nasty attitude to boot! [bctt tweet=”As an entrepreneur you need to know failure intimately, take it out on a few dates and study it!” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Much has been said on the subject, some believe there’s only one correct way to fail in business. Fast and hard, get all the pain out as soon as possible and then try again. As an entrepreneur you need to know failure intimately, take it out on a few dates and study it! Why did you fail? How did you fail? Did you pass the buck or were you just distracted? Should you be in this business? Are you disciplined enough to handle the responsibility? Failure isn’t glamorous, often times, it’s ugly and it’s really messy. Kind of like your ex! So here are a few tips from someone who’s had a taste of it and still has a huge bowl to get through; 1. The x + y = z of it. The only way to get really good at something is to fail at it enough times that you finally get the formula. When you fail, you must have the courage to distance yourself from it. You must understand that you aren’t a failure simply because you failed at this thing. Understand that it’s part of the journey to becoming one of the greatest. You must get up, dust yourself off, cry a little, or maybe a lot, and then try again. 2. You must not wear failure as an identity. I’ve met a lot of people that have failed at something or the other in their lives and have turned it into an identity they walk around with. They pull it out at appropriate times when the gathering is big enough so everyone can see how well they failed. They have it at the ready to “warn” others who might actually try to pursue that same treacherous path. They have horror stories with examples all the way from China! Do not pay attention to that fear, use those horror stories as markers and pointers for your own journey. You’ll learn that like in all the Hollywood horror stories, you never ever go to the basement parking lot alone!!! Bottom line is you’ll learn. 3. Failure is evidence that you actually tried at something. Many would-be entrepreneurs are stuck in the zone between having a really great idea and having the courage to do something about it. For most, the fear of failure is stronger than the possible joy that could come from winning. You tried and you failed, now all you have to do is try again. 4. The F-word means you’re badass. The people we celebrate, the greatest entrepreneurs the world has ever known built their empires amidst great odds stacked against them, and most importantly, did not let failure stop them. So, why should you? A quote from the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coehlo dedicated to all those entrepreneurs that have faced a few setbacks in the first half of this year and need a little more courage for this next half; “What you need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the soul of the world tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.” Want to become an SLA contributor? Send an
Why you should network with your peers, not just your mentors
We have a tendency to approach a career as a “ladder” –always looking upward to the next promotion or raise. There’s no doubt that networking with advisers has benefits, but it shouldn’t simply be limited to your mentors or role models. When you’re young, “networking” often means meeting people more influential than you are. However, it’s not only important to cultivate relationships with people who are influential, but also to make connections with those who will become influential. The idea of networking with your peers isn’t a new one, but it’s astounding how few people do it. Networking is a word that makes many people groan, yet it is essential to thriving personally and professionally. But when done right, networking should be fun—relationships, both personal and professionals, should always be reciprocal, not transactional. Whether you’re 23 or 63, no one is superior or inferior to you. In cultivating these connections, recognize that we contribute equally not identically. By connecting with people at similar career stages, we can gain access to information and help hone each other’s skills. Lift as you climb. Here are a few tips to help you reap the benefits of networking with your fellow millennials: 1. Create a community network of peers When was the last time you went out with colleagues for lunch or coffee? How often do you reach out to your contacts? While we’re all inundated with emails and texts, we can always make the effort to reach out—even if it’s just a brief email or phone call. Keeping the lines of communication open means that you’re engaged and interested in someone’s personal and professional development, and more likely than not, they’ll also be interested in your own journey. Short on time, but want to maximize opportunities to re-connect with friends and colleagues or meet new people? Consider organizing a dinner party or coordinate an activity like a group fitness class or art exhibit. It’s an opportunity to have fun while you build trust through network. 2. Think aloud Millennials are the most adaptable, creative generation in history. Wisdom isn’t all about age. It would be foolish not to tap into this generation’s innovative spirit. When I’m looking for ideas, the first people I ask are my friends because they come from diverse perspectives. They’re artists, psychologists, policy analysts, financiers, and more. While we might not be in the same industries, hearing a range of opinions from different backgrounds helps me refine my own ideas and think outside the box. The best “aha” moments often come from the most unexpected sources. They also introduce me to opportunities that I might not otherwise come across if I’m thinking narrowly about my own field. 3. Ask questions You’ll never get what you don’t ask for. While your peers might not be in a hiring position, they might be able to offer valuable insights on everything from upcoming opportunities to the office environment. Looking for a job at a particular organization? Comb your peer networks to ask about the perspectives of any friends working there. Entry- or mid-level professionals might notice things that senior staff is oblivious to. 4. Stay grounded It’s easy to get star struck by people who’ve spent decades climbing to the top and have accrued a daunting list of achievements and accolades. Connecting with people your own age can help put life into perspective. That 22-year-old who just won a Pulitzer or got accepted into a major Ph.D. program? He or she can probably tell you about the many failures they’ve encountered on the road to success. Talking to your peers can keep you grounded by providing more realistic expectations of your progress in achieving your goals.
Thembelihle Terry-Lynne Zulu: Every woman needs a big sister
The idea of women helping other women, benefits both parties and demonstrates just how powerful every woman can be with the right support. Thembelihle Terry-Lynne Zulu, through Girl Grandeur Zimbabwe which she co-founded, is going the extra mile to encourage women to pursue their dreams. Here is what she is doing to support other women. How have you used your personal challenges to inspire other young women? Women shouldn’t be shamed for sharing their pains, struggles and life experiences. No woman deserves to be slammed or termed ‘attention-seeking’ or ‘too sensitive’ for sharing her story. Our stories need to be told because in them is the hope for survival for every woman. My life’s journey epitomizes, to a great extent, the challenges faced by the African girl child. I have been through most of the issues plaguing young women, from abuse to pregnancy, and everything else in between. I once wrote on my personal blog, “I went through some mistakes so that you don’t have too.” Walking young women through their ordeals is a mutual healing process as it helps me as much as it does them. Tell us more about Girl Grandeur Zimbabwe, how did it come to be? As the first of five girls, I considered it my duty to help my sisters make the right life choices. Gradually, this mentoring circle grew to include their friends. Our goal is to help every woman, especially the young ones access safe and comfortable adult counsel. We need them to be able to do this without the fear of being judged or unduly reprimanded. To address this, Girl Grandeur Zimbabwe has a mentorship program for business newbies, as well as a Big Sister program for the little girls. In addition, to debunk the myth that women are naturally unable to work together, we created a platform that has some semblance of a sisterhood. Here, women come together in an informal setting to discuss issues relevant to them, share opportunities, advertise their businesses and have meaningful debates about womanhood in Zimbabwe. How does a social club in Zimbabwe function? Girl Grandeur Zimbabwe may not be the first social club for Zimbabwean women, but our approach is the first of its kind. We have branched out into various income generating programs and it’s a constant learning process. The club is accessible to every young woman in Zimbabwe, subscription fees are affordable and within reach. Our structure includes a board, a committee, and ordinary members. Our diversity reveals the implicit beauty of our differences and we are determined to do much more. How do you provide support when needed? Through our several social media platforms, we invite Girl Grandeur Zimbabwe members to contribute to planned projects or offer free services. For example, one of our members in Harare identified a pregnant homeless woman who needed help. To alleviate her plight, we brainstormed on possible support solutions. Our growing membership increases the need to incorporate a wide range of issues facing every woman. We work closely with other NGOs while monitoring progress through the appropriate authorities. As a co-founder, what advice will you give any woman looking to start a business with someone else? When starting out, it’s easy to go for people who are within your reach and that’s usually kith or kin. In getting the right hands, be drawn to people who are not only passionate about your vision but who have proved that they can deliver results. You won’t always end up with the ones you started out with and you need to be okay with that. Appreciate small beginnings and don’t mess with the growing process. Among other things, Girl Grandeur aspires to bridge the generational gap between mothers and daughters. How can young modern women overcome this gap? A friend once suffered vaginal thrush but couldn’t tell her mother for fear of receiving retribution. There’s no gainsaying the fact that mothers need to create more time for their daughters. These days, more women work as hard and long as most men. And so, inadvertently abandon the formative training of their children to maids, nannies, the media, peers and even Google. Some parents have been distracted by the cash-stretched times but good parenting isn’t just about money. Making time for your children is paramount – you can’t put a price tag on a thing like that. Tell us about your relationship with your mother, was there any tension? How was it resolved? When is there never any tension between mothers and daughters?! As a young girl, I didn’t understand half of the policies she’d put in place. As cliché as this sounds, as I grew older, I began to understand why she did what she did. Now, I understand that she didn’t ‘hate’ me but had to curb some of my rebellious tendencies. Open and honest communication is key to the mother-daughter relationship. I strongly believe that when a child understands the reason(s) for a reprimand or punishment, he/she is more unlikely to repeat offense. What do you love best about your mother? I consider my mother a warrior! A warrior who never let societal beliefs stop my sisters and I from finding our identities and flourishing in them. In retrospect, she understood that everything I did was in preparation for who I was to become. Never did she ask me to be who I was not. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.