Grow & Glow: How to find love again after numerous heartbreaks

I still remember one cold January a few years ago, the Harmattan was still yet to fade away after the Christmas and New year celebrations. Everything felt cold and life seemed to be at a stand-still.

I couldn’t believe that my adorable relationship of two years was finally over. We had fallen in love and had promised to live happily together. We both used to exchange poems, love notes and surprises.

We had the best relationship I have ever experienced.

My friends envied us and no other person could understand the same way we felt. Ours was made in heaven and the stars kept shinning at our lovely hearts on a daily basis.

There was nothing wrong with us except that I had just started adding some weight. Who wouldn’t? After spending 6 months in my mum’s supermarket during the ASUU(Academic Staff Union of Universities) strike.

I didn’t think a little addition could reveal the true intent of our relationship. He loved my slim body and wasn’t ready to accept another. So after some days of deep thought on his side and a big push for me to join a gym, he decided that it was time to take a break.

That landed in the wrong place for me. I wasn’t expecting it. Our love was divine, I mean.

BTW, this looks like the only reason I can attach to the break up since there was no specific reason he mentioned.

But anyway, his mind was made up and after fighting so hard to win us back for close to a year, I decided to accept my new fate and move on but it was hard. I cried for several nights. I wanted him to come back and give me a reason for the breakup but none came.

I kept stalking him online to see if he was doing fine without me and yes, he was. I dreamt and imagined a lot but nothing changed.

After a few months of tears and regrets, I decided to finally take some chill and give my brain a reset.

So what are the steps I took to recover and start again? Let me share some with you and I hope it would make you start afresh again.

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Admit that it is truly over

This was the hardest phase for me. I was living in self-denial for a long time. I truly loved him and never envisaged that we would break up.

I had no alternatives or backup, I simply gave my all and now he was gone without a reason. So I had to start telling my mind daily that it was time to move on.

I thought about him sometimes but I didn’t let it ruin my day again. I started taking charge of my thoughts by diverting my thoughts into something else.

This took a lot of practice though and I failed many times but I kept rising up.

Divert your time into other activities

I have always loved writing so I decided to start penning down my daily experiences and life lessons. I call it journaling. I tried writing a new book that I ended up losing but at least, that got me productive.

Get some alone time with God

I spent time in prayers and study with God believing for the best for my future. I decided to trust God to pave a new way for me and He surely did.

Go out more

I became more social and open with friends instead of staying hidden and indoors. Try to hook up with new friends or stay connected with old friends and hang out together.

Give back

I started volunteering and giving myself more to service and project done by other people I considered as mentors. I used my skills and passion to serve.

Reflect on the past

I did a sober reflection on all that happened and evaluated how the relationship went so that I could pick my lessons, form new and better perspective and open up myself to new opportunities.

Embrace personal development

I began to work on myself by attending seminars, reading books and making research.

No more regrets

I stopped blaming myself or living in the past. I became positive and less critical of myself. Be willing not to remain stuck in the past. Get out there and allow yourself to experience love again.

Now, these are just some of the things I did and you can pick from them but you should also do things based on your unique self.

You may love drawing, painting, singing, acting or any other hobby that can keep you busy. There was so much I also did which helped me become more intentional when I finally met my husband.

Though I shared most of my experiences in my book which has helped lots of singles too you can start with these tips above for a fresh start.

So what phase are you currently in?

  • Denial phase?
  • Moving on phase?
  • Or the recovery phase?

Always remember that your experiences don’t define you, they only make you stronger and wiser. Don’t give up on yourself. It’s time to invest in yourself and upgrade your attraction level.


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6 ways to tone down your stress levels

It is not uncommon to see someone you know, perhaps your friend, a family member, or a colleague whose demeanor is looking unusual, and you show concern by asking the question: ‘why is your appearance looking so dull today?’  and their reply goes ‘it is stress’.

Recently, I attended a meetup where young women discussed ‘creating balance’. In the heat of the discussion, one woman mentioned that she was on an official assignment to a psychiatric ward and found that the leading cause of psychosis in women admitted was stress.

I was both alarmed and pained.

The term stress seems to be something everyone takes for granted but its effect on our physical, emotional and mental well-being is often disastrous.

More women than men are prone to stress partly because besides the everyday hustle to support the family income is the added responsibility of taking care of the home front.

Many studies have confirmed that stress could lead to deli-bating diseases like high blood pressure (which is constantly on the rise in recent times), heart attack, nervous breakdown, and many others. Hence, there is an urgent need for us to take the matter of stress very seriously.

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Stress cannot be eliminated completely, however, here are six ways to manage it.

KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE WORK BEHIND

Some women are naturally workaholics, while others are in the hustle just to outdo their contemporaries in terms of material acquisition.

Whichever end of the divide you find yourself, be kind to your health and long term well being, you have to know when to stop.

LEARN HOW TO RELAX

Some people know when to unwind after a hard days job while some people see it as unnecessary. For example, I have a friend who stays glued to his laptop watching one series or the other after work and I get so angry until he explained that it was one of the ways he cools off after a hard days job.

Whatever works for you, make sure you go for it.

STRIVE FOR BALANCE

It has been emphasized more often than not that being busy does not translate into being productive. To increase your productivity, prioritize your activities and determine when you have reached your limit.

ASK FOR HELP

This is especially for those who have the perfectionist syndrome. They believe no one can do it the way they can. Sister, if anything happens to you, there will be someone else who will do the job better than you, so put your health first.

Leave those things you can delegate to someone else at work, outsource some tasks if you can afford it, and ask family members and friends to help out as a way of reducing your workload.

PLAN AND PREPARE AHEAD

We all know how what last-minute tension feels like. you begin to sweat profusely, you get jittery all over. To avoid this kind of scenario, do things well ahead of time.

LET GO OF WORRY

I have a friend who says worry is her recipe for losing weight.

Worrying over an issue does not get the problem solved. Worry and anxiety tend to the release of stress hormones in your body. Rather than worry, pray, believe and take the steps you need to solve the problem.


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10 easy ways to maximize Valentine’s Day sales

Valentine season can be a really busy for retail businesses, it is therefore important that business owners maximize the opportunity to increase sales at times like this.

If you have been in business for up to 2 years or more, you might want to refer to sales data from previous years. This sales data can be used to prepare and determine ways to increase sales volume.

Having the right products is good but promoting what your business is offering just in time for valentines to build up sales is even better.

To achieve this, use the right communication channels to reach your target audience. Get as much exposure as you can, reach out to past customers as well as potential ones.

Here are general tips you can apply to drive up sales this coming Valentine.

Curate gift combinations (gift baskets/boxes)

Put related products together. Be creative with your ideas, make the combinations simple and appealing.  Make sure you consider your target audience and whom they will be buying the gift for.

Create an experience with service combinations

Valentine’s Day is mostly about pampering loved ones. Depending on your target audience, put together indulgent packages. If your business is in beauty and hospitality, this is something to consider.

For instance, if you own a spa, you can combine various treatments and offer as one package for valentine.

Create a bundle comprising the range of products you offer.

Make sure the products are related and make them available as readymade options so buyers can simply grab and go. An example of such bundle is a Perfume gift set by Victoria’s secret containing a shower gel, body cream, and perfume.

When you can, offer to wrap gifts for free or include it as a service to provide convenience to your customers.

Partner up

Collaboration during peak seasons can be at an advantage for you and your business. You can team up with reputable local businesses to create joint packages.

For instance, if you’re a florist, team up with a baker to create a package for valentine.

Create a buzz

Hold a fun contest to engage your followers on social media and create a buzz around your business. Make sure you are well aware of rules/restrictions associated with putting up contests on various social media platforms.

Make sure you time your promotions to capture early and late shoppers. Get the word out and announce your last minute gift deals.

Make gift card options available

Most last-minute shoppers are usually open to this, usually because most times they do not have a clear idea of what to buy. Design a gift card that’s appealing and gives a good impression of your business, be sure to include terms and conditions when issuing these gift cards.

Think beyond valentine’s day

Take advantage of valentine’s day rush to build a database your business can use in the future. You can present visiting customers an option to sign up / subscribe to your business website, app or whatever platform your business operates.

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Most importantly, remember to have fun even as you help others express love this season.