I still remember one cold January a few years ago, the Harmattan was still yet to fade away after the Christmas and New year celebrations. Everything felt cold and life seemed to be at a stand-still.
I couldn’t believe that my adorable relationship of two years was finally over. We had fallen in love and had promised to live happily together. We both used to exchange poems, love notes and surprises.
We had the best relationship I have ever experienced.
My friends envied us and no other person could understand the same way we felt. Ours was made in heaven and the stars kept shinning at our lovely hearts on a daily basis.
There was nothing wrong with us except that I had just started adding some weight. Who wouldn’t? After spending 6 months in my mum’s supermarket during the ASUU(Academic Staff Union of Universities) strike.
I didn’t think a little addition could reveal the true intent of our relationship. He loved my slim body and wasn’t ready to accept another. So after some days of deep thought on his side and a big push for me to join a gym, he decided that it was time to take a break.
That landed in the wrong place for me. I wasn’t expecting it. Our love was divine, I mean.
BTW, this looks like the only reason I can attach to the break up since there was no specific reason he mentioned.
But anyway, his mind was made up and after fighting so hard to win us back for close to a year, I decided to accept my new fate and move on but it was hard. I cried for several nights. I wanted him to come back and give me a reason for the breakup but none came.
I kept stalking him online to see if he was doing fine without me and yes, he was. I dreamt and imagined a lot but nothing changed.
After a few months of tears and regrets, I decided to finally take some chill and give my brain a reset.
So what are the steps I took to recover and start again? Let me share some with you and I hope it would make you start afresh again.
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Admit that it is truly over
This was the hardest phase for me. I was living in self-denial for a long time. I truly loved him and never envisaged that we would break up.
I had no alternatives or backup, I simply gave my all and now he was gone without a reason. So I had to start telling my mind daily that it was time to move on.
I thought about him sometimes but I didn’t let it ruin my day again. I started taking charge of my thoughts by diverting my thoughts into something else.
This took a lot of practice though and I failed many times but I kept rising up.
Divert your time into other activities
I have always loved writing so I decided to start penning down my daily experiences and life lessons. I call it journaling. I tried writing a new book that I ended up losing but at least, that got me productive.
Get some alone time with God
I spent time in prayers and study with God believing for the best for my future. I decided to trust God to pave a new way for me and He surely did.
Go out more
I became more social and open with friends instead of staying hidden and indoors. Try to hook up with new friends or stay connected with old friends and hang out together.
Give back
I started volunteering and giving myself more to service and project done by other people I considered as mentors. I used my skills and passion to serve.
Reflect on the past
I did a sober reflection on all that happened and evaluated how the relationship went so that I could pick my lessons, form new and better perspective and open up myself to new opportunities.
Embrace personal development
I began to work on myself by attending seminars, reading books and making research.
No more regrets
I stopped blaming myself or living in the past. I became positive and less critical of myself. Be willing not to remain stuck in the past. Get out there and allow yourself to experience love again.
Now, these are just some of the things I did and you can pick from them but you should also do things based on your unique self.
You may love drawing, painting, singing, acting or any other hobby that can keep you busy. There was so much I also did which helped me become more intentional when I finally met my husband.
Though I shared most of my experiences in my book which has helped lots of singles too you can start with these tips above for a fresh start.
So what phase are you currently in?
- Denial phase?
- Moving on phase?
- Or the recovery phase?
Always remember that your experiences don’t define you, they only make you stronger and wiser. Don’t give up on yourself. It’s time to invest in yourself and upgrade your attraction level.
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