So what really happened in your love life cycle in the past year?

Did you do a proper observation on what has worked or what needs adjustment?

This write up would be useful to you if you are currently:

  • Single (searching or not)
  • In a relationship.
  • Engaged
  • In a situationship (what does that even mean?)

I know that a lot of people like cutting off certain friends they consider toxic in the first quarter of the year, well, that is not the focus here. The focus is on YOU.

If you are going to get any different result this year in your love life, it would start from doing something different this season.

There are two sides of the coin, the positive or the negative or what worked and what didn’t work.

@NikeFolagbade ‏shares 5 tips to help you build more intentional and healthy relationships this year. Click To Tweet

Look into these 5 tips I’ll be sharing below, and seek ways to implement and change your love cycle.

1. Don’t start a relationship until you understand its purpose

In this era where people are moved more by the butterflies in their tummy when they meet a person, it is easy to lose the essence of your season and flow with the tide.

If you are one of those who judges a man first by his physical looks, you may miss the real meat when it comes along.

So why do you want to date? Is it because your friends are all in a relationship or because you want to add value to another person? But how can you add value if you haven’t also recognized your value? A relationship is about two people who have great values to feed themselves, not one-sided but mutual.

Even before you start a business partnership, you would have done a proper investigation into what you’re getting into. Lack of proper caution can lead you to a wrong contractual relationship.

You need to understand the WHY, WHAT, AND WHO.

So sit down, relax and answer the following questions:

  • What kind of relationship/marriage do I really want not just need?
  • What kind of woman do I need to become to create such a relationship? This could mean dealing with some inner battles like fear, insecurity or unrealistic expectations.
  • What kind of man can fit into the values I want in my marriage?
  • How would I know when I meet such a man? What patterns not words or actions (because this can be acted) would I see?

2. Work on yourself and seek to know YOU more

One question I ask a lot of singles is if they know their values since a relationship is also about being with someone who shares deep values with you.

Exposing yourself to personal development is the first way to expose your mind and make you become self-aware. Self-awareness leads to self-mastery hence how much do you know about yourself before growing (not falling) in love?

Sometimes what you need is a friend who you can both grow together to achieve greater things, not just an intimate relationship.

If you are trying to work on yourself, find like minds and smash goals together instead of seeking for a man that cannot mend your broken state.

3. Learn about what a healthy relationship really looks like

If you’ve not been exposed to a healthy lifestyle especially if you grew up witnessing an unhealthy model of marriage, it may be difficult to adequately discern one.

For instance, it is necessary for you to know your deal breakers, deal makers and resolve on how to handle it when you spot one in a potential partner.

Exposing yourself to personal development is the first way to expose your mind and make you become self-aware - @NikeFolagbade ‏ Click To Tweet

If you are not clear on this, you may start defending your partner when the red flags are up.

How do you learn about how to build healthy relationships?

  • Read more books from credible authors and go for training that increases your mental, spiritual and emotional capacity.
  • Learn from people who have built great marriages and find out their ultimate secrets. You need to be able to differentiate between love and lust. Love is selfless, not selfish. Love is patient, not desperate in nature. Love is gentle, not harsh about decisions. Love pays attention to your needs and not force needs and goals on you.

This is the time to also understand and create proper boundaries for yourself. The reason why it’s easier for some people to invade your heart and hurt you is that you haven’t recognized your boundaries and created a line around it.

If you meet a new person and he starts to invade into your emotional boundaries, then you’ll know that something is wrong.

For instance, if you meet a new guy who begins to blackmail you to prove your love or go to certain places when you suspect that something is fishy, you may not know how to say NO without feeling guilty because you think he owns a part of you.

4. Enjoy your life and explore

Sometimes you may think you are missing out in life until you travel to new places or expose yourself to new kinds of people. Some ladies get married and discovered that they never had the time to explore the world or their own personal world.

Learn a new language or skill if you want but make sure you spend your single years acquiring knowledge that your current freedom can permit.

That doesn’t mean that marriage won’t allow you to explore but that will be a time where you need to balance your life well before starting new developments.

5. Be open up to new opportunities to make friends and build committed relationships

Fear can limit you from trying again if you’ve been jilted in the past. Understand that life is a journey to learn and grow, be more open to solid friendships and make yourself socially accepted.

Not all acquaintances should lead to a relationship hence you should allow the number 3 tip to guide you. Trust is necessary to build a wholesome relationship and you should be willing to be vulnerable.

If you are still struggling here, then you may need professional help where we can guide you on creating a new and fresh love.

Cheers to more intentional relationships this new year.

Which of these tips will you start doing right away?


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