Relationships Like Buses: A Motherland Mogul’s Op-Ed

If we all look out for ourselves in life and business, why don’t we do the same with romantic relationships?

Relationships are like buses – In a world where women are expected to wait to be chosen, this is my candid take on why women need to put themselves first in romantic situations.


Better to be alone than with someone Emotionally Unavailable.

The first time I heard the phrase ‘emotionally unavailable’ was in my junior year of college.

I met this boy during an internship and the moments leading up to us talking to each other were electric. Whenever he spoke, I felt every muscle in my body twitch and felt like I was walking on air. This boy was good looking, driven, but short.

He captivated me in a way that I hadn’t been before especially with how he looked at me. He called me regal. Of course, I should know that I was, but my naïve mind sought this kind of validation.

Although we claimed to really like each other, there were no labels. He said he didn’t believe in labels. “What does that do for anyone? You know I like you and you obviously like me beyond a reasonable doubt. Why do we need to prove this to anyone?”, he said.

The problem was that I wanted more. I finally hit my breaking point and asked for more. He replied, “I’m emotionally unavailable”.

If you ever hear this phrase, run! You need to love yourself enough to be alone rather than tag along with someone who explicitly tells you they don’t want you. You’ll be wasting significant time trying to get their attention and it will end in hot tears.

Please, get a hobby instead. 


Know what you want and when to walk.

The first time I heard ‘no labels’ was in my first almost relationship – a situationship that never sailed – thank goodness. The whole experience always felt uncomfortable because he never matched my energy.

“But I told you where I stand already” is a very unique slap in the face I don’t wish on my worst enemy. The fact is love is not by force. No matter how much you love a person, you cannot force them to love you.

‘No labels is a tricky trap because you can convince yourself it’s what you want. If you put your own interests first, you are able to objectively evaluate what you want out of any situation.

If you are on the same page in a ‘no labels‘ situation, giddy-up. Just make sure that you’re ready to get off that ship when you need to.


Love = Time = Money. Don’t waste it.

If your first reaction to the phrase hopelessly devoted is – ‘that could never be me‘ – think again. Waiting around is not just for single people. You could very much be in a hopelessly devoted relationship.

Boys are not bats and men are not from Mars – no one is. If you are waiting for someone to realize they are blind to treating you right, stop it!

If other people are assessing whether you’re worthy of their love or friendship, so should you. You wouldn’t walk into a business deal without vetting your prospective partner. If you are this thorough in business, why not in love?

Don’t make excuses to explain why the situation works for you when in reality it doesn’t. Choose yourself and guard your treasure chest. Love is time and time is money.


If you have to Google it – 🚩

Never have I ever – googled “what does it mean when someone says…” 

Here is a list of 5 things you need to google instead –

  1. Books every professional should read
  2. Blockchain Technology
  3. Exchange-Traded Funds (ETFs)
  4. Small steps to take to improve my health
  5. Strategies to grow my career


We’re all headed somewhere, and we usually find people along the way who become a part of our journey. If you hitch a ride with someone that isn’t headed in the same direction, do you go to their destination and hope that someday they will be headed to yours? It’s the same with relationships.

If we all think of all our relationships like they were buses, we would be more mindful of who we give our time, as well as their contribution to helping us become the people we want to be.

BREAKUPS AT WORK: MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS AND STAY EFFECTIVE

Ever had to go to work after being dumped or signing your divorce papers. It sucks!

You have no time to be in your feelings or listen to songs that help you cry because you still have to do your job. The worst part is that the world carries on as if your heart hasn’t just been broken!

Since you can’t use up your sick days to nurse your broken heart, how do you resume work and stay focused?

I’m Nike Folagbade, a life coach and therapist who has helped many broken hearts mend and even survived my own heartbreak. Here are some tips you can use to heal and not lose your job after a breakup:


Don’t deny your pain

This is the first place to start. Don’t try to drink, eat or curse away your pain. Accept that it has happened but you will get through it. This will help you to process the experience better. It is okay to cry, so hold a lot of tissue and excuse yourself to have private grieving moments.

Change your perception

This is not the time to wallow in past mistakes. Don’t dwell on blaming yourself or your ex.

Focus on having a healthy outlook. If your ex is at fault, accept that you can’t change them. If you bear some of the responsibility, focus on forgiving yourself and moving on. Take your lessons and focus on building stronger relationships in the future.

Stay in a circle of positive and funny people

When you are in the office, pay attention to other colleagues who make you smile and help you forget your break up. Spend some time with them during your break time and laugh away your pain by getting involved.

Find someone you feel safe with to talk to

Silence never helped anyone. When you need to let things out, speak to a mature friend around you or over the phone. You can also connect quickly with a therapist online, prioritising your mental health is self love.

If you are not ready to talk about it, let your manager know you are going through something personal.

Watch something funny between your breaks

It’s very tempting to immerse yourself in sadness after a breakup.

However, continued misery will not give you the energy you need to be effective at work. Higher dopamine levels have been associated with happiness.

Spend a few minutes in the office watching a funny skit on your phone. Laughing helps increase your dopamine levels which will boost your mood and energy for work

Write down your thoughts

Whether you keep a journal, use a notepad or app on your phone, write down your thoughts. Having an outlet for your emotions is an important part of healing that will help you quickly deal and keep you focused on reaching your goals.


Ultimately, you have to believe that there’s a better future, give yourself some time to heal gradually. While you might feel that the hurt will last forever, it won’t. Focus on building a future that is brighter, get some rest and engage in activities that make you feel alive again.

HOW TO MANAGE DIFFICULT CLIENTS IN 2020.

With the decade is almost over, it’s the perfect time to check the relationships that are important to us.

Whether you are an entrepreneur, side hustler or corporate climber, maintaining a good relationship with your clients is an important part of your success. Unfortunately, not all clients make it easy to build a positive relationship.

How do you get that schmoney and manage difficult clients without losing your mind?

Apply some Emotional Intelligence!

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand other people’s emotions, empathize with them and respond to them appropriately.

Here are 3 tips to help you manage tough clients using Emotional Intelligence:


1. Be self-aware

The first step to empathizing with your difficult clients is evaluating yourself.

Think about how you communicate with your clients – are you showing them that you care? If you are a manager or business owner, is your company encouraging a culture of empathy for clients?

2. Listen Intelligently

Just like your personal relationships, listening is an important part of maintaining positive client relationships.

Sometimes, clients are difficult because they don’t feel heard. Consider what your clients might want from you, even if they haven’t expressed it. Listen actively by noting pain points, asking follow up questions and keeping the lines of communication open.

3. Understand your clients’ personalities

Clients are people too. When you manage people, it’s important to understand their temperaments.

Cholerics tend to be logical and use focus on facts. Stay proactive and result-oriented with choleric clients. Melancholics pay attention close to details. You must your processes for efficiency with them.

Phlegmatics can be indecisive. Be patient and helping them understand the information they need to make a decision. Sanguines tend to be carefree and impulsive, so you might consider keeping communication informal to keep their attention.

Understand your clients, their personalities and deal with them appropriately.

Which of these tips will you use to manage your difficult clients in 2020?


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Grow & Glow: How to find love again after numerous heartbreaks

I still remember one cold January a few years ago, the Harmattan was still yet to fade away after the Christmas and New year celebrations. Everything felt cold and life seemed to be at a stand-still. I couldn’t believe that my adorable relationship of two years was finally over. We had fallen in love and had promised to live happily together. We both used to exchange poems, love notes and surprises. We had the best relationship I have ever experienced. My friends envied us and no other person could understand the same way we felt. Ours was made in heaven and the stars kept shinning at our lovely hearts on a daily basis. There was nothing wrong with us except that I had just started adding some weight. Who wouldn’t? After spending 6 months in my mum’s supermarket during the ASUU(Academic Staff Union of Universities) strike. I didn’t think a little addition could reveal the true intent of our relationship. He loved my slim body and wasn’t ready to accept another. So after some days of deep thought on his side and a big push for me to join a gym, he decided that it was time to take a break. That landed in the wrong place for me. I wasn’t expecting it. Our love was divine, I mean. BTW, this looks like the only reason I can attach to the break up since there was no specific reason he mentioned. But anyway, his mind was made up and after fighting so hard to win us back for close to a year, I decided to accept my new fate and move on but it was hard. I cried for several nights. I wanted him to come back and give me a reason for the breakup but none came. I kept stalking him online to see if he was doing fine without me and yes, he was. I dreamt and imagined a lot but nothing changed. After a few months of tears and regrets, I decided to finally take some chill and give my brain a reset. So what are the steps I took to recover and start again? Let me share some with you and I hope it would make you start afresh again. @NikeFolagbade ‏shares some tips on how to grow and glow from past heartbreaks...Read more Click To Tweet

Admit that it is truly over

This was the hardest phase for me. I was living in self-denial for a long time. I truly loved him and never envisaged that we would break up. I had no alternatives or backup, I simply gave my all and now he was gone without a reason. So I had to start telling my mind daily that it was time to move on. I thought about him sometimes but I didn’t let it ruin my day again. I started taking charge of my thoughts by diverting my thoughts into something else. This took a lot of practice though and I failed many times but I kept rising up.

Divert your time into other activities

I have always loved writing so I decided to start penning down my daily experiences and life lessons. I call it journaling. I tried writing a new book that I ended up losing but at least, that got me productive.

Get some alone time with God

I spent time in prayers and study with God believing for the best for my future. I decided to trust God to pave a new way for me and He surely did.

Go out more

I became more social and open with friends instead of staying hidden and indoors. Try to hook up with new friends or stay connected with old friends and hang out together.

Give back

I started volunteering and giving myself more to service and project done by other people I considered as mentors. I used my skills and passion to serve.

Reflect on the past

I did a sober reflection on all that happened and evaluated how the relationship went so that I could pick my lessons, form new and better perspective and open up myself to new opportunities.

Embrace personal development

I began to work on myself by attending seminars, reading books and making research.

No more regrets

I stopped blaming myself or living in the past. I became positive and less critical of myself. Be willing not to remain stuck in the past. Get out there and allow yourself to experience love again. Now, these are just some of the things I did and you can pick from them but you should also do things based on your unique self. You may love drawing, painting, singing, acting or any other hobby that can keep you busy. There was so much I also did which helped me become more intentional when I finally met my husband. Though I shared most of my experiences in my book which has helped lots of singles too you can start with these tips above for a fresh start. So what phase are you currently in?
  • Denial phase?
  • Moving on phase?
  • Or the recovery phase?
Always remember that your experiences don’t define you, they only make you stronger and wiser. Don’t give up on yourself. It’s time to invest in yourself and upgrade your attraction level.
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5 ways to become intentional about your love life this year

So what really happened in your love life cycle in the past year?

Did you do a proper observation on what has worked or what needs adjustment?

This write up would be useful to you if you are currently:

  • Single (searching or not)
  • In a relationship.
  • Engaged
  • In a situationship (what does that even mean?)

I know that a lot of people like cutting off certain friends they consider toxic in the first quarter of the year, well, that is not the focus here. The focus is on YOU.

If you are going to get any different result this year in your love life, it would start from doing something different this season.

There are two sides of the coin, the positive or the negative or what worked and what didn’t work.

@NikeFolagbade ‏shares 5 tips to help you build more intentional and healthy relationships this year. Click To Tweet

Look into these 5 tips I’ll be sharing below, and seek ways to implement and change your love cycle.

1. Don’t start a relationship until you understand its purpose

In this era where people are moved more by the butterflies in their tummy when they meet a person, it is easy to lose the essence of your season and flow with the tide.

If you are one of those who judges a man first by his physical looks, you may miss the real meat when it comes along.

So why do you want to date? Is it because your friends are all in a relationship or because you want to add value to another person? But how can you add value if you haven’t also recognized your value? A relationship is about two people who have great values to feed themselves, not one-sided but mutual.

Even before you start a business partnership, you would have done a proper investigation into what you’re getting into. Lack of proper caution can lead you to a wrong contractual relationship.

You need to understand the WHY, WHAT, AND WHO.

So sit down, relax and answer the following questions:

  • What kind of relationship/marriage do I really want not just need?
  • What kind of woman do I need to become to create such a relationship? This could mean dealing with some inner battles like fear, insecurity or unrealistic expectations.
  • What kind of man can fit into the values I want in my marriage?
  • How would I know when I meet such a man? What patterns not words or actions (because this can be acted) would I see?

2. Work on yourself and seek to know YOU more

One question I ask a lot of singles is if they know their values since a relationship is also about being with someone who shares deep values with you.

Exposing yourself to personal development is the first way to expose your mind and make you become self-aware. Self-awareness leads to self-mastery hence how much do you know about yourself before growing (not falling) in love?

Sometimes what you need is a friend who you can both grow together to achieve greater things, not just an intimate relationship.

If you are trying to work on yourself, find like minds and smash goals together instead of seeking for a man that cannot mend your broken state.

3. Learn about what a healthy relationship really looks like

If you’ve not been exposed to a healthy lifestyle especially if you grew up witnessing an unhealthy model of marriage, it may be difficult to adequately discern one.

For instance, it is necessary for you to know your deal breakers, deal makers and resolve on how to handle it when you spot one in a potential partner.

Exposing yourself to personal development is the first way to expose your mind and make you become self-aware - @NikeFolagbade ‏ Click To Tweet

If you are not clear on this, you may start defending your partner when the red flags are up.

How do you learn about how to build healthy relationships?

  • Read more books from credible authors and go for training that increases your mental, spiritual and emotional capacity.
  • Learn from people who have built great marriages and find out their ultimate secrets. You need to be able to differentiate between love and lust. Love is selfless, not selfish. Love is patient, not desperate in nature. Love is gentle, not harsh about decisions. Love pays attention to your needs and not force needs and goals on you.

This is the time to also understand and create proper boundaries for yourself. The reason why it’s easier for some people to invade your heart and hurt you is that you haven’t recognized your boundaries and created a line around it.

If you meet a new person and he starts to invade into your emotional boundaries, then you’ll know that something is wrong.

For instance, if you meet a new guy who begins to blackmail you to prove your love or go to certain places when you suspect that something is fishy, you may not know how to say NO without feeling guilty because you think he owns a part of you.

4. Enjoy your life and explore

Sometimes you may think you are missing out in life until you travel to new places or expose yourself to new kinds of people. Some ladies get married and discovered that they never had the time to explore the world or their own personal world.

Learn a new language or skill if you want but make sure you spend your single years acquiring knowledge that your current freedom can permit.

That doesn’t mean that marriage won’t allow you to explore but that will be a time where you need to balance your life well before starting new developments.

5. Be open up to new opportunities to make friends and build committed relationships

Fear can limit you from trying again if you’ve been jilted in the past. Understand that life is a journey to learn and grow, be more open to solid friendships and make yourself socially accepted.

Not all acquaintances should lead to a relationship hence you should allow the number 3 tip to guide you. Trust is necessary to build a wholesome relationship and you should be willing to be vulnerable.

If you are still struggling here, then you may need professional help where we can guide you on creating a new and fresh love.

Cheers to more intentional relationships this new year.

Which of these tips will you start doing right away?


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6 Practices Every Entrepreneur Should Adopt In The New Year

As the year closes and everyone rushes to accomplish all their 2018 goals (and set the next ones for 2019!), now is a great time to reflect on what worked, what didn’t, and what lessons we can take away.

Being an entrepreneur has its ups and its downs.

The low when your proposals do not pass through or a client decides not to re-sign you. The high that you get when you finally sign a contract for a new project or when you win big for a client.

For me, this year has been one of immense growth. I visited new countries, launched new projects, finished old ones, won clients, and lost clients.  

I have recruited and trained a reliable, loyal team across six countries. Throughout this year, I have learned several lessons which I hope will serve entrepreneurs — myself included — in 2019.

1. Build your support system and nurture it

The reality is some days you will feel like crying, some days you will feel like celebrating, and some days you will feel like quitting.

Find people who help you keep your balance, give you honest feedback, and cheer you on. These can be friends, family, fellow entrepreneurs, teammates, neighbours, mentors, or mentees.

No matter who they are, make sure to dedicate time to nurture these relationships and make sure they are mutually beneficial.

2. Know your value, and what projects are worth your time

This is one of the most difficult things I have faced as an emerging entrepreneur this year. As I am selling services, not products, it can very hard to put a price tag on my offerings.  

Many times instead of money, potential partners will offer you “a platform to sell yourself” or “connections” to new business. But at the end of the day, accessing these platforms may be positive, but will also require more work to close revenue-generating deals. In 2019, set your minimum rate and stick to it.

Decide which platforms are really worth offering your precious skills — and have a clear idea as to what outcomes you wish to have.

Change your mindset and remind yourself you are a trailblazer, a changemaker, and the only one with your unique experience - @lizgrossman87 Click To Tweet

3. Have a routine

 Even if your schedule is often crazy, and you may have to jump on a plane or train with 24 hours’ notice, do your best to stick to a routine.

Maybe that means having your cup of coffee while checking emails first thing each day, doing yoga, or taking a midday walk. When you are in your home base or abroad, find workspaces you can come back to that give you a sense of regularity.

I recommend joining coworking spaces such as Impact Hub or using the Croissant app to find cool spaces in different cities across the world.

4. Let business be business

Sometimes, friends or colleagues will come to you asking for help with something which will require your time, expertise, and resources.

By nature, I am someone who cares about others and wants to see other people shine but this year I learned I simply cannot always give my time and energy away for free.

Remember, your true friends will understand if you say no to their requests, and you can always try to help in other, less consuming ways. Furthermore, be bold in demanding what you deserve from your clients and partners. Asking for timely payments or resources to do your job is not being greedy — it’s business.

5. Unplug

This is the most difficult rule for me to follow, as I am someone who always wants to get rid those red notifications on my iPhone and always wants a clean inbox.

Fact is, as an entrepreneur, your to-do list will never end, so sometimes you have to know when to stop checking and unplug. When you are with friends, be with friends.

When you are exercising, put on a podcast and just listen. Do not work 24/7, because that is simply not sustainable.

6. Celebrate small wins and don’t sweat the failures

 As entrepreneurs, we are visionaries. We see the big picture impact we could be having, and often feel frustrated we have not signed the multimillion-dollar deal.

We forget that entrepreneurship is a journey, a series of small wins and big failures we learn from that will lead us to the end goal. Along the journey, make sure to celebrate at every step, and give yourself the opportunity to learn and grow.

I encourage everyone to apply these lessons to your own careers and lives, set goals, and track your progress throughout the next year.

Change your mindset and remind yourself you are a trailblazer, a changemaker, and the only one with your unique experience. Use it to be the catalyst sparking the change you hope to see in the world.


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Eva Toby: How To Stay Empowered When You Feel Life Sucks!

Eva Toby is an Amazon Bestselling author, media personality and presenter. With a degree in psychology and Masters in Social Work from the University of Michigan, and an MBA, Eva is passionate about helping women and young adults bring clarity to their purpose.

She is the creator of The Purpose Blueprint: 7 Easy Steps to Clarity. Eva has been featured in Genevieve Magazine, Afro Elle, Spice TV, LA Talk Radio, WHPR and more!

Eva is 6ft tall and has modeled part-time for the past 10 years as a car model for Ford, General Motors and Chrysler, getting premier access to some of the fastest cars in the world. 
In this article, she talks about overcoming challenges and finding her purpose.

 On creating “The Purpose Factor” book…

If someone had told me several years ago I would be a best-selling author and purpose pusher, I probably would have laughed.  However, it’s always fascinating how God truly knows things way ahead and has greater purposeful plans for us even when it comes out of tragedy.

I was led to create The Purpose Factor book after the sudden death of my dear cousin in 2014.  With my emotions being all over the place from a state of shock, sadness, and confusion. I found it really hard to cope after experiencing such a significant loss.  

I remember one day picking up my bible to read for encouragement, and it was at that moment these notes had fallen out. The notes were actually from a message, two years prior, that I’d shared with a youth group at church about the significance of living life to the fullest and making your time here on earth count!

There is no growth in your comfort zone - @evatobyXE Click To Tweet

 Notably, I’d read my bible so many times prior to that and never realized I kept those notes tucked away in my bible binder. It just goes to show the significance of the timing.

At that point, I remember this resurgence of passion and desire of sharing with the world the Power of Purpose. And I wanted to get the message across that each person on this earth is valued and has an assignment. I realized how life is so precious and fragile.  

And that ‘Time’ is not money but life! Hence, it is imperative that we maximize our time here in order to be of value and impactful.

The Purpose Factor book was dedicated to my cousin who indeed lived life to fullest and impacted so many lives.

On facing life challenges…

The past few years have indeed been life changing and challenging to say the least.  From the loss of my cousin, and then another cousin. And then, I lost my father in 2016. Experiencing such significant losses in a span of a few years has been indescribable.  

Couple that with trying to stay focused on building my brand/business, it was not easy. But one thing I learned through this process that keeps me going is that even in pain there is still a purpose.  As painful as the process has been, I realized God still has me here for a reason and wants me to keep going.

I firmly believe that passion is for “yourself” while purpose is for “others” - @evatobyXE Click To Tweet

Perhaps there may be someone out there that will hear my story and be encouraged to keep going despite the circumstances and challenges they are facing.  

I learned that in life we all have seasons, and every season has an expiry date. It is the endurance during those seasons that prepares and makes us stronger for the rest of our journey in life.

3 ways women can stay empowered…

Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, broken relationships, loss of job, or personal struggles, rough times happen to everyone at some point in life.  

Trying to remain hopeful and positive through it all can be challenging. Especially when overshadowed with feelings of confusion and loss which begin to resonate so deeply.

Never curse the process! Your purpose is a product of the process - @evatobyXE Click To Tweet

While you may feel like you are in a hopeless space it is essential to be reminded you are not.  You are in a season of transition and need to remember there is a breakthrough on the other side of the breakdown.

Below are 3 ways you can stay empowered when you feel life is taking its toll on you:

1.  Acknowledge Your Feelings 

Almost everyone at some point has had that feeling of hopelessness and despair. The truth of the matter is that it is OK.

We are all human and embracing your vulnerability is the first step to reclaiming your power.  Remember acceptance is not a sign of weakness and by no means an indication that you don’t desire change.

But rather than suppress those feelings, acknowledgment gives you the confidence to deal with them and start making a way for something new to emerge in your life.

2. Have An Attitude of Gratitude

 There is so much power when we cultivate an attitude of gratitude in our daily lives.  Research studies have shown the positive impact on people who focus on gratitude.

Gratitude facilitates increased self-esteem, optimism, happiness, improved mental health, progress towards goal achievement, increased energy and more.  

Therefore, it is important to start making gratitude a daily ritual. You can start by creating a gratitude journal for yourself.

Each morning and/or evening tries to think of at least two things you are grateful for in that moment.

3. Look for Opportunities of Growth

When life hits us hard, we are often led to start with “why me?” or “why is this happening?”  It’s natural at first but if we dawdle in this space for too long, it can lead us further onto the pathway of self-pity.  

Hence the importance of changing the narrative from “why” to “what”. Start thinking about “what” you can learn from this moment and season of your life.  

Focusing on the now and learning from it is such an empowering lesson and opportunity for growth when you feel like life has beat you down.

Remain Encouraged and Empowered! No condition is permanent. Keep reaching and thinking of the desires you aspire to. Start with each hour, then each day.

Purposeful living requires you to act upon your intentions.- @evatobyXE Click To Tweet

On easing stress…

In my free time I really enjoy traveling (especially if the place has a beach and some sun, LOL), shopping, reading, laughing, learning, and spending time with family and friends.

I do like exercising which is an amazing stress reliever.

 


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Must Watch Television Shows On Your Radar

You consider yourself an empowered and independent woman, yes? But what media are you consuming?

Series can be argued to be more effective than movies. Given the generally shorter length of time and ability to watch more often and more accessible.

This is your guide to a few television series that you need to make time for as soon as possible.

Thinking of what TV you should be watching? We've got a few recommendations for you... Click To Tweet

Chewing Gum

 

If you haven’t heard of Michaela Cole prior to reading this, you’re welcome. Your life is about to become dramatically more colorful and interesting.

 

This show will have you laughing out loud, no doubt. It isn’t exactly new, as the second season was released in 2017. The third season is expected to go into production later this year so you have to catch up before that airs!

This female-centric show follows Michaela Cole as the lead in her daily life with her religious mother and sister and her job as a check out girl. Things get interesting when she decides she is serious about losing her virginity and loosening those religious reins.

Cole deals with sex and friendship in a relatable and humorous way. I found that as season one progressed, it just got better and richer as the characters developed.

Cole’s sister on the show, Susie Wokoma, is an absolute treat in the second season. I won’t delve into too much detail about the specifics of her character development but it is so wonderfully worthwhile to watch.

Mood? If you need a pick-me-up and want to laugh almost non-stop, then this is it.

Mood? If you need a pick-me-up and want to laugh almost non-stop, then watch this TV series Click To Tweet

Good Girls

 

Netflix can be quite lovely with the recommendations based on previous shows you have watched. This is how I was lucky enough to find this. I managed to finish the first season consisting of 10 episodes in 2 days because I was that blown away.

The show is centered on 3 mothers – Christina Hendricks of Mad Men, Retta of Parks and Recreation (I love her!) and Mae Whitman of Parenthood.  It introduces their characters as hardworking but struggling to support their families financially given their minimum wage jobs.

As viewers, you understand quickly that they’re in trouble and something desperate is about to happen as their respective expenses start to skyrocket.

What I loved about the show was how it managed to successfully combine humor and drama so effortlessly. You connect with these women immediately and emphasize with them.

Image result for good girls gif

They are presented as strong and willing to do anything for their families. Their growth throughout the episodes is brilliant to witness as they take control of their situations while supporting and uplifting each other through tough circumstances.

Mood? A darker comedy and more dramatic, to be watched when you are feeling a bit broody.

Easy

 

This breaks the trend of the female-centered shows I’ve recommended thus far, but it is worthy of inclusion in the list. This content covers – relationships, dating, and gender roles.

What makes it interesting is that each episode follows different characters and issues, there will be some links between characters across episodes but the show isn’t continuous. So each episode almost feels like a mini-movie which is highly satisfying.

Image result for easy tv series

Topics covered in the first season (there are two seasons out) include a stay at home dad and a working mom and the impact of this change in the stereotypical gender roles on their sex lives (at a dinner party that they attend it is discussed that couples who follow the stereotypical gender roles have more sex).

The issues are current and the episodes unfold in a manner that makes you think about your own opinion and wants to discuss it.

Related image

Mood? Watch with a company so you can evaluate your opinions together.

Also, some famous bodies pop up – you can’t drool over Orlando Bloom as a personal trainer alone.


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Kachi Tila-Adesina: Striking a Balance for Every Season

Kachi Tila Adesina is an example of Motherland Mogul goals! After growing up in Nigeria, Kachi moved to the UK in 2014 to work as a corporate lawyer. In March 2017, she was admitted as a solicitor of England and Wales. 

Beyond her career, Kachi enjoys a wide range of hobbies that have led her towards starting her blog – Kachee Tee. KacheeTee.com is a different kind of lifestyle blog that features everything that women would go through. From relationships, travel, career, beauty, fashion, blogging, food and most recently parenting – this blog has a little bit for everyone. 

Through her blog, Kachi hopes to inspire her readers to learn to live intentionally and have fun. In this interview, she gives us a glimpse of her blogging journey and her great plans for the future.


Tell us about your blog – KacheeTee

I started KacheeTee.com with zero ideas of what I was getting into. My need to get an outlet to write was constantly consuming my thoughts. So, I decided to give it a go and two years later, I am still blogging!

Before starting, I was oblivious to how big the blogging industry was. This was good because not knowing the task ahead kept me from quitting earlier on. Over the years, the blog has evolved from just sharing my own stories. I now also share other people’s experiences, journeys, and stories.

Due to my curiosity about a lot of things, my blog has more of a holistic lifestyle blog. It was important to me to create the kind of blog I’d love to read which is easy to read and I can relax while reading.

 

What was it like publishing your first post?

I published my first blog post on Facebook for my friends to read. Though I was nervous and almost regretted my decision to ‘come out of my shell’, my friends were very receptive. Many of them subscribed to the blog and sent messages of how they were looking forward to the next post. At this point, I couldn’t quit.

It’s been a learning curve and an interesting couple of years. Now, my posts are much different to the initial ones. But, what’s remained consistent is the amount of passion and effort poured into every single post.

What values have been critical to your personal and career growth? 

My top three values are – Excellence, Integrity, and Christian faith. I have a genuine desire to truly excel at most things to the best of my ability and this constantly pushes me.

To me, excellence also ties in with impact. I am very keen to inspire, educate and add value in some way. So often, in my career and personal life, I ask “what’s to be gained from this?“. This has guided everything that I do from my career to even on my blog. 

I strongly believe, where there’s value, there’s often growth. In all this, I’m conscious of acting with integrity and authenticity – making sure I stay true to who I am and don’t lose my voice. Finally, my Christian faith and beliefs guide me all the way and I believe is very instrumental in my growth.

 

In everything you do, it's important to strike a fair balance and identify what are your current priorities Click To Tweet

How has your lifestyle blog impacted you?

Launching my blog is definitely one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. But it’s had a lot impact on my life. It’s given me confidence and made me believe in myself a lot more. I’ve also met many amazing people! 

But interestingly, I’ve also developed a creative mindset I didn’t think I had. Even when I’m tired, my mind is always spinning all these creative new ideas for the blog.

Overall, the blog has brought a lot of fulfillment in my life. During my 28th birthday – the first after I launched my blog – I received many overwhelming messages from people saying how much I’d inspired them through my blog. This was a great sign of how fulfilling my blog is.

You’re a very busy Motherland Mogul. How do you manage it all?

Two words – balance and support. As an adult, it is important to know how to balance the many things that demand your attention.

In everything you do, it’s important to strike a fair balance and identify what are the current priorities. There have been times when my priority was work or family, and my blog had to take a back seat- and that’s okay! The most important thing is to become organized and resourceful. 

It’s also instrumental to have the right kind of support. My husband knows I enjoy being a lawyer and a blogger, therefore, being able to do these things allows me to be a great wife and mother. He’s happy to give his 100 percent support when necessary. I’m also very open to other kinds of support – from outsourcing the house chores to volunteers who edit blog posts.

What kind of partnerships and environments are necessary for bloggers to thrive?

Blogging is hard work! Many bloggers put in time, effort and money to produce great content. However, without engagement from their audience, fellow bloggers, and brands, it becomes tough.

Therefore, support is very important for the growth of a blog. Support can be engaging with the content to partnering with fellow bloggers to get advice and even create content. Though sometimes it may be uncommon for lifestyle bloggers to collaborate with others, it’s important as it helps reach new audiences.

Does living in the diaspora influence your style of blogging in any way?

Living in the UK does influence my style of blogging in a couple of ways relating to content and standards. Knowing that my blog is being read by a diverse set of people,  I especially pay attention to ensure my content is relatable, and the language is not overly limited to Nigerian/ African lingua.

This does not mean that I refrain from telling our stories or experiences. On the contrary, living here propels me to tell more of our stories and push for greater representation and diversity in blogging.

Finally, being in the UK exposes me to a higher standard of professionalism and expectations. I’m constantly challenging myself to write better and produce a blog that I can introduce to anyone, anywhere.

What are your goals for the future?

Essentially my goal is to build a blog and platform that is so much bigger than just ‘Kachi’. I plan to do this through increasing readership across Nigeria and wider Africa – as well as Africans in the diaspora.

However, knowing that there is a lot of content out there sometimes scares me. But I’ve realized it’s not just about me. I’m ready to build a team to help me take this blog to the next level in terms of quality and quantity of content. I’d also love to create a network where bloggers can share knowledge and exchange ideas through seminars, workshops, events or even virtually via podcasts.

Finally, I’d love to partner with more brands, companies, and organizations to reach my target audience and add value. From parenting to travel, fashion, lifestyle, and careers – there’s so much opportunity for such mutually benefiting partnerships.

What three movies do you think should definitely have sequels? 

Me Before You.  I cried so much watching this movie, and perhaps a sequel where I get to laugh a lot might be good. There’s a book sequel now (haven’t read it yet though), so we just might get a movie sequel

Black Panther. I absolutely enjoyed the movie and I think a sequel that further raises the issue of diversity and representation is very much welcome! Rumor has it, there’d be a sequel and I hope we see more of Shuri – loved her.

Pretty Woman. I’m not sure what the plot of the sequel could be, but I’d pay to watch it. Such a classic.


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The tales of a disgruntled miss Independent

My friend is going through that phase where she is panicking about whether she will ever find the man of her dreams. I keep telling her “Girl, chill out, the sea is not empty yet”.

She recently went on a date with this new guy she is seeing, and now she knows what she wants in life, and I admire her so much for that.

Before she even goes on a date with a guy, she has to have conversated with him for a while and after the first date, if she is not feeling it, she is not the “Let’s see where it can go” type of girl. Maybe that’s why she is not married yet.

Anyway, I asked her, “How did this one go? Do you think he is the one?”, she stared into space and after a while replied, “Yea he might be, but he asked me if we should do Dutch”.

I also paused and stared into space, what does that mean, I thought.

“So, for the rest of the date, we ended up talking about doing Dutch and women becoming more independent.” So, “do Dutch”, basically means splitting the bill. This made me ponder about a statement I once read which said – “These days women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying”.

Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel like that’s somewhat true. Why is it that many women don’t rely on men as much anymore, is it because we don’t need them, is it because they are not providing what we are seeking?

Is a man no longer a man if he can’t provide? Should women turn down their independence just to maintain the man’s ego?

Women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying Click To Tweet

That’s a flat out, big NO for me. Women have been oppressed and have had their rights suppressed for a long time. Now that we have more privileges and equal opportunities, some men and women are slightly uncomfortable with our liberation. So much so that some women feel the need to hide their ambition.

There is something endearing about being humble, but there is a difference in taming yourself down because some people are uncomfortable with your star qualities.

You don’t win by playing small Click To Tweet

There are men out there who feel threatened if their woman is earning more than them and they feel like they are not enough. If a man feels threatened by your independence, then those are his insecurities he needs to work on, not yours.

You shouldn’t have to pretend to be less just to please him.

The independence of a woman can often destroy a man’s masculinity. There is absolutely nothing wrong in building together with your man, he makes his own money and you make your own too. There is also nothing wrong with sitting back and letting your man treat you and you doing the same for him.

As long as the woman is not putting down her man because she is richer or more powerful than him, a happy, balanced, healthy relationship can be boded.

These are just some of the things you suss out when you begin dating someone, are they comfortable with you being the bomb ass woman that you are, can they handle you, what does their ego say about you being this boss chick? It is as simple as asking your potential suitor those direct questions.

Society depicts that the man should be the main provider of a family. As women, we should allow the man to be who he is and who he is destined to be. Our life’s purpose does not take priority over his your opinions don’t matter more because you have more money or are more powerful than he is.

In relationships, you often have to compromise yourself and compromising is not betrayal. When you find yourself having to kill your true, authentic, hardworking, go-getter self, its yourself you’re betraying. You don’t have to kill who you are to please your counterpart.

Independent women are often deemed as high maintenance, sometimes greedy and their standards are too high. Well if you don’t set boundaries or standards you will settle for whatever is handed to you in life and you will never be fulfilled.

Having said all this not all men think the same. Sometimes men want more than just an independent successful woman with her own money. Hopefully, there is more to you than just your successes. What are your family values, what are you like as a person without all your accomplishments?

Are you really this well rounded independent successful woman in all areas of your life. It may not be your independence and success that’s putting men off you. It’s a matter of looking inwardly, are you really this gracious, strong Queen you say you are?

Standards only scare off people who are not willing to make an effort with you. Click To Tweet

We were all put on this earth for a different purpose and we each have a duty to fulfill our purposes before we die, whether we become richer or more powerful than our male counterpart and vice versa.

You never need to tone down your ambition. Some men will take pride in having a woman who works for her own because even an independent successful woman still has her vulnerabilities.

After all, she is human.


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