Puthumile Ngwenya: Using Film, TV and Radio to tell inspiring and uplifting stories
Puthumile Ngwenya is a film school graduate who has helped produce documentaries for the UN. She has worked in Zambia, Mozambique, Kenya and South Africa. Currently, she is on a Zambian morning talk show called Fresh In The Morning. She also owns a company Sole Source that organizes fun events for the modern African millennial. In addition, she has done radio, written TV scripts and freelance writes and also edits for digital magazines in Zambia. She is also the content creator for Wikreate Africa Limited. In short, Puthumile Ngwenya is a storyteller extraordinaire. She tells us in this interview about how she’s using everything from film, to TV, to radio to tell stories that uplift and inspire. What did you want to be as a child? As a child, I wanted to be everything! A vet, an astronaut, Janet Jackson, an actress, a dancer! I mean is it any wonder I fell in love with theatre and film? Do you think formal education (having a degree) is really important when pursuing a career in media? My major was Live Performance, which was divided into music, acting, and a sub-major in Scriptwriting. It was important for me because I really learned how to be an all-around production person through our practical’s and film shoots. I had to intern under departments unrelated to my degree so I learned so much. I would advise anyone to educate themselves or job shadow someone in the field they want to be in. It makes you better at what you do. How did you become a co-host on the Fresh In The Morning Zambian talk show and what is your mission with the show? One of my former co-hosts from radio started the Fresh TV station and he saw something in me. He knew my background, but I had given up on working in front of the camera until he persuaded me. My mission is to entertain but also talk about serious issues we Africans don’t always talk about and help further the conversation. We all want to make a change, share stories, shed light on others plight and elevate people…that’s the goal! They say women don’t support women. Have you experienced this with female colleagues in the industry? I have seen it with other women and I know a few who have tried to block my success. But more so, I feel the men are more insecure and have tried to cut me down because I am a no-nonsense person, I know my worth…I really do. So my experience, especially in TV production working with women, has been wonderful, we support each other, back each other and we laugh at the people who think they can pull us down! [bctt tweet=” I have big dreams and my goals are always changing – @leelabee ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] The media industry has a reputation for being somewhat turbulent work wise. How do you stay motivated during the less productive times? In the past, I have been depressed over losing jobs or late payments. Trust me, it is not for the faint of heart. It has also taught me to draw up my own contracts because a lot of people just verbally hire and agree to pay you. Thankfully I have family support and people to lean on, I freelance but I recently started my own company Sole Source last year, with three partners, so I stay busy. I always find a way because I have faith, I know my talent and skill set, I won’t be defeated. What’s your proudest career moment so far? It is yet to come, I mean last year I pulled off coordinating Rocktober 17 a local music festival and that was challenging and exhausting. As I mentioned I have a new company, I also recently got back into Producing for TV and acting…so the best is yet to come. I have big dreams and my goals are always changing. You describe yourself as an Afro-feminist. What is that exactly? I am African…and proud. All it really means is that my feminism is aligned with that of continental African women. Others have been fighting their fight and intersectional feminism is something that came later, I have to fight for my people. For me being a feminist is what I am and who I am by virtue of being a woman, I want equality for all. I want black women to be safe, to stop being raped, murdered and killed…Africa is not a monolith we deal with things other women globally do not. Name some women whom you admire or look up to? My mother, she was strong and worked hard. I also really connect with the spirits, activism, and artwork of the likes of Nina Simone, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, Esther Mahlangu. I also look up to my peers across all industries but locally in Zambia that’s Becky Ngoma and Seya Fundafunda two great filmmakers. What’s a piece of advice you are happy you ignored? You will never produce your own TV segment or documentary until you are 35. I did it at 26, so thanks to my former boss…you know who you are. You lit a fire within me that made me quit my job and move to East Africa where I fell in love with film again. Top five career tips? Network, I mean really get to know the people in your industry the ones you admire and the ones you don’t. Believe in yourself, nobody else will or has to. Do not take no for an answer and when you do get told no, ask why…you should know what you are doing wrong. Don’t knock other people down or get into industry beef. Just stay in your own lane and keep your nose to the grindstone. Listen to your gut every time! Trust me it always helped me avoid bad business deals, sticky situations and a lot of drama. Anything new you are working on that you want us to look out for?
Self-care Secrets for Healthy Motherland Moguls
Motherland Moguls can be some of the busiest women in the world. They are mothers, wives, boss ladies, friends and everything else in between. Many times, they often prioritize other people’s needs above their own and forget about their own self-care. But why is self-care important for a motherland mogul? Self-care is the art of understanding one’s needs and meeting them. This simply means showering yourself with kindness and goodness. With the right amount of self-care, you can grow emotionally, physically and spiritually. Awino Omole put together for us some secrets for motherland moguls to maintain a healthy self-care routine. [bctt tweet=”Sometimes all you need is to get in touch with your senses to stay in the present moment. ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 1. Create goals Setting achievable goals is a critical part of having a self-care routine. Other people will come with their interests and goals. However, you shouldn’t neglect your goals as this is important towards your growth. To set your goals, you can break them into smaller portions. Through this, you will eventually live to see your dreams turn into actionable plans. 2. Be your best friend We can be our own worst enemies if we want. How many times have you judged yourself a lot harsher than others have? When the weight of self-care kicks in; perfectionism seems to be the order of the day. But you need to learn to be easy on yourself. Being your own cheerleader will help you put things into perspective during those moments of self-doubts. Once you learn to love yourself first, then you can love others better. 3. Laugh at your flaws In all that you are going through, it is important not to drown in your storm. You should strive to be an individual who embraces their flaws and knows their awesomeness regardless of all the flaws they may have. We all have those moments we don’t want to share with others. Despite this, it is very important that you learn to accept your flaws and insecurities and learn to live with them. 4. Slow down Live one day at a time. Create time outside your normal daily routine to love yourself or to just do nothing. If you don’t have much of a social life, find ways to nurture new and meaningful relationships. Above all, it is also important to debrief yourself on your progress. Sometimes you need to have a board meeting with yourself to see if you are meeting your goals but also to ignite your passions when you feel like you are losing touch. 5. Talk about your fears We all get a little scared sometimes. But we should not let our fears paralyze our dreams. When it is getting tough, you should find a trustworthy person and explain your fears. Through talking to someone, they may help you sift through your problems and come up with a solution. Sometimes all you need is to get in touch with your senses to stay in the present moment. To do this you may need to zone out. Walk away from what is normal. It is okay to retreat inwards and not engage at all. It may seem selfish, but it is important to get in touch with your self. If you’d like to get featured on our Facebook page, click here to share your story with us.
Nothabo Ncube: You are bigger than your surroundings
When Nothabo Ncube was only 14 years years old, her mother died in a tragic road accident. Before she died, Nothabo had made a promise that she would become a doctor. 15 years later, Nothabo is not only a doctor, but she is also a consciousness speaker and entrepreneur featured on TEDx. Her journey to becoming a doctor was not easy. After joining her dad in Canada, Nothabo lived in the projects which were subjected to high crime rates, prostitution, and drug dealing. In order to survive, Nothabo had to listen to a deep voice within herself that told her she was more than her environment and she will rise through it. Looking back at her journey, Nothabo concludes that every moment was important as it revealed to her what her purpose was. Now she lives her life inspiring and helping other women find themselves. In this interview, Nothabo talks about her mentorship program – Esther. What projects are you involved in at the moment In August 2017, I launched an online mentorship program for young women. The program called Esther’s Mentorship aims to assist women to win back their power, settles into their true selves, realize their potential and be the best of who God created them to be. I use my personal experiences and testimonies to empower and assist women to realize that it doesn’t matter where one has been. That through their broken pieces, there is hope at the end of the tunnel and God can use their pain. Before I always played victim to my journey and it took time to get to a place where I started seeing things differently. Now I understand that some of the things that happened were launching me into my purpose. Therefore it is my intention to be a medium, a voice, a source of guidance to enable the mentees to see through their pain. Why did you name it Esther? While speaking at an event in South Africa, one of the speakers took an interest in me. We began talking about my life’s journey, my vision and plan for the future. I told her about the mentorship program and she suggested that I call it Esther. Upon return, during a conversation with my spiritual mother, she said I reminded her of Esther. As if this was not confirmation enough, I then decided to name it Esther because we are raising queens. How is the mentorship structured? The mentorship runs every Sunday for 30 minutes, in one on one sessions. As we have women from different parts such as Zimbabwe, USA, Canada and South Africa, we needed a day where everyone would be easily available. During the mentoring session, I help women structure their goals and create guidelines on how best to move on their journey. I aim to empower the young women and open them up to a different sphere of who they are. What are your 5-year plans for the Esther Program? Currently, we have one on one mentorship sessions. However, in the future, I would want the girls in Zimbabwe to have meet up sessions at least once a month. This will help them in creating a platform where sisters come together and support each other. I also intend on having centers especially in the big cities and branching to the rural areas where I feel those in the rural areas need it the most. My intention is to build a community of sisterhood that reaches every girl that needs it. Tell us more about your TEDx Talks My friends have been very instrumental in my TEDx journey. My friend instigated my first TED talk in Canada. She submitted my story to the TEDx recruiters. They then interviewed me and asked me to share my story on their platform. My talk was titled: A inspirational Story of Hope, Faith, and Grace. Then again in Zimbabwe, another friend also submitted my name for the Bulawayo TEDx Talk. This talk was very historical as it what it the first time TEDx was being launched in Bulawayo. However, my first talk was what opened the door for other speaking engagements. Where does your inspiration come from? I think my inspiration stems from my own pain of not having had a mother figure. Growing up, I yearned for that backbone from someone I trusted. This wasn’t always the case but I had a few people that I was led to along my journey who have guided me. Driven by this, I would want to be that person to someone else. Which women have been the most influential in your life? Oprah Winfrey was very influential in my life. In 2011, I was looking for money to go to school and a friend of mine suggested I go on her site. There was nothing on scholarships or bursaries but what popped up was a box that said tell us your story –“you become what you believe”. I typed my story and put my cousin’s number as my contact details. They called her three times and she kept hanging up on them thinking it was a prank call. She eventually asked me about it and of course, I was shocked, “How does one hang up on Oprah? When Oprah calls, you answer!” Fortunately, they called again and I got to talk to Oprah. While I did not get money to go to her school, she told me of her journey from her childhood to where she was today. This truly encouraged me and made me change the way I perceived my journey. I started seeing my pain through a different lens. I started understanding that purpose was birthed by my pain. That’s when I knew I was called to speak. What advice would you give other young people in a context like Zimbabwe? Never allow your circumstances to define who you are, you are bigger than your surroundings. God is bigger than the current reality of what Zimbabwe is going through. When you tap into that
9 Business Lessons from My First Year of Business
Like many people, I was faced with the dilemma of deciding whether or not I needed to attend business school to start my business as I had no experience. However, I finally decided to be brave and start my business without any experience. In my one year since starting, I have learned the following lessons. 1. Never take things too personally. When operating with people, it’s often very easy to make arguments, criticism and other relations personal. However, if you want to succeed in the business world, you need to remember that at the end of the day, how you deal with your customers and partners is strictly business and not personal. 2. Separate your business life from your personal life. When you have a friendly relationship with your clients, it is very easy for the lines to get blurred. Sometimes, this can end up in sticky situations where one party does not fulfill their end of the deal. To avoid these situations, it is important to set the lines clear between your business and your personal life. You need to maintain a work-life balance. 3. Be clear about your job description. As a service based business, one of my ethos is going beyond and above for my clients. Sometimes, this results in taking up certain duties (aka unpaid labor) that are not part of my job description. This can get overwhelming. Therefore, it is important to be clear about ALL the services that your offer from the onset. If necessary, you should draw up contracts that reflect your services and your limits. 4. Review your prices regularly. You might be doing yourself a great disservice if in a bid to come across as affordable you under-price yourself. It is important to review your prices as often as possible. Especially when you’re in an industry like social media where your responsibilities are flexible and subject to change. 5. Be accountable. In the absence of a business partner or a co-founder, you need to learn how to hold yourself accountable. This can be as easy as setting small, medium and long-term goals and working toward them. These goals are important to give you a sense of direction and to keep you in check. 6. Toot your horn. One of the few things I still struggle with is putting myself out there as I’d like for my business to speak for itself. But the game has changed and the internet is over saturated. The only way for you to be noticed or to come across as a thought-leader or an expert in your field is if you put yourself out there. There are no two ways about it. Do you want to be the go-to person for a particular service? Put yourself out there and let people know. 7. Have confidence in yourself. When you are running a business, you’re gonna need all the confidence you can muster for the tough days ahead. You will face people who don’t believe in your dreams and your plans may even fail. It is important to keep believing in yourself even when others don’t. 8. Find time to improve your skills. Work/Life can be overwhelming sometimes and before you know it, three months have gone by without you learning anything new. In this ever-changing world, there’s a need to constantly improve your skills. Thankfully we have the internet at our disposal but finding the time can be a challenge. To fix this, make a schedule maybe during the public holidays and learn something that would directly improve your daily activities. 9. Customer service is key. Just because you’re not selling a product to a consumer doesn’t mean customer service is any less important. You’re selling services. Treat your clients with courtesy. Referrals are still king. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Lifelong Learning: 5 Lies You Tell Yourself
What comes to mind when you think of “lifelong learning”? Oh, wait. Did you just roll your eyes and give a defeated sigh? Girl, we know the feeling. Some of your feelings might be valid but here are some thoughts you might have that are definitely wrong. Here are some of the lies you probably tell yourself all year round which eventually hinders your growth: I have a degree. What am I still learning? Big mistake, sister. When did you graduate? 2, 5, 10 years ago? The world is changing fast and we need to evolve. Standing in one spot only means that others are going to overtake you and take opportunities that should’ve been yours. Look at Nokia. How long did it take for them to lose their position as Number 1 phone maker? To be a successful Motherland Mogul, you need to keep learning the new trends in your industry. I am an expert in my field It’s very easy for us to settle for what we think we know is best. But does learning ever stop? If you have plans to branch out and innovate your brand, you need to prepare yourself! Are there other things you learn from other industries that may be linked to yours? There is so much more to learn about your passions, hobbies, and interests. Ask yourself questions such as ‘how badass is my excel skills’? When was the last time I gave a presentation that was wowed my audience? Take the time to improve and build on what you already have and what you need to make yourself better. I don’t have money for courses. In this day and age, you don’t have to spend a lot of money to learn! With a stable internet connection and time, you can access so many free resources online. From Coursera, Udemy, Skillshare, YouTube and the many blogs and articles out there; the options are endless. But once you choose to make this investment, you start the journey towards a successful and educated life. I don’t have time to learn. Let’s rephrase that as “I don’t make out time for learning new things because it’s not a priority.” Doesn’t sound nice, does it? Well, it’s true. We all make time for things that we consider priorities. Catching up on social media, binging on Netflix, attending owambe parties. But if we think about it, we spend many hours every week on things that aren’t really adding to our bottom line. If you’re one of those superwomen who resists all such temptations and still can’t find the time to learn, what about the time you spend in traffic? With the developments of education and technology, you can learn anywhere and everywhere! So, don’t make excuses for wanting to learn. If you believe in investing in yourself, then you will make the time to learn more. I’m too old to learn Lol! Did you know the oldest person to graduate college was 95 years old? We’re never too old to learn. Even if you have started a family and gotten 7 children, it’s never too late! It’s all about prioritizing. We can always learn new tricks! You’ve probably run out of excuses now. But don’t let this daunt you. The trick is to start small. Pick one skill and set yourself a target of one hour a week to develop it. If you don’t know where to start, Google resources and create a learning calendar. Once you set milestones and give yourself small treats every now and then, you’ll be surprised by what you learn in a few months. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Edirin Edewor: When failure gives you wings, fly higher
Edirin Edewor is a two-time Amazon Bestselling Author, a Mindset and Author’s Coach, and an Entrepreneur. She works with three types of entrepreneurs to help them publish their books and establish their brands. Through Edirin’s Process Publishing System, entrepreneurs are helped to write their books with ease in record time get published on Amazon and become bestsellers. She also caters to the AUTHORPRENUERS who want to sell their books profitably as well as create extra streams of income through their writing. Finally, Edirin’s 5-Step Process Blueprint helps unknown and underpaid entrepreneurs in the service industry become highly influential and highly paid personal brands. How do you think your past failures set you up for success? In 2011 when I was 20, I attempted suicide. After that, I have had 502 of my job applications rejected in 4 years. I failed in 9 out of 11 business in 5 years. I battled with depression and a diagnosis of Early Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis at age 25. With all this suffering, I felt like a failure and thought my life was over. After much reflection, I began developing a growth mindset which helped me overcome all of these difficult times. I eventually wrote two books; The Productivity Checklist which became an Amazon Bestseller in 2016 and You and Your Mindset. Understanding that my failures were only learning processes, helped me eventually succeed in life and business. These lessons have helped me effectively start, scale and sustain my business in no time. So, now I help others too. [bctt tweet=”Understanding that my failures were only learning processes, helped me eventually succeed in life and business. – Edirin Edewor” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] You do a lot of great work with authors. How important is writing to establishing one’s authority in any given field? A lot of influential business people today have written books to establish themselves as authorities in their fields. From Robert Kiyosaki, Brian Tracy, to Steve Harris, Arese Ugwu, Nimi Akinkugbe and myself. Sharing your knowledge with the public shows that you know what you’re doing. It also helps you reach a lot more people with valuable information and grows your value perception. What tips would you give our young Motherland Moguls who are trying to gain influence in business? Everyone has to start from the bottom. No one gets to the top of the mountain by falling there. Getting to the top of the mountain of success requires you to climb. It will take some time, dedication, commitment and keeping a positive attitude in the face of obstacles. One great way to growing influence is getting published and growing your own community. There are many skills and tools to help with this. Social media platforms have made it easy to grow your influence and build a community of a loyal following today. [bctt tweet=”I’d like people to understand that life is in processes and you need to master one level to get to the next one. – Edirin Edewor” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] From your experience what are the difficult aspects of being an entrepreneur in Africa? First of all, being an entrepreneur anywhere, male or female, is difficult. However, Africa presents some unique challenges. The continent is not as technologically and industrially advanced as first world nations. Therefore, there are limited opportunities available to us. This forces us Africans to be creative and create unique solutions to solve our challenges. Secondly, the African market is still not largely globalized and the ease of doing business on a global scale is still being stifled by the political and economic environment. What advice would you give other entrepreneurs on handling this? As stated earlier, we have to create unique solutions to our challenges. While we wait for certain technologies to become available to us, we should maximize on what we have. This also includes constantly seeking opportunities to partner with global businesses to create more favorable conditions to do business. Here is where building trust and fostering good relationships become vitally important. From your past failures, what would you advise a young African woman getting set to start a business or career? Being patient and intentional about learning the lessons even when you fail, helps you learn faster, fail less and fly higher. Today I have built a multi-million naira business sharing this message and helping entrepreneurs build influence so they can share their stories and impact others. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Evelyn Ngugi: Hard Work Only Makes Things Better
The YouTube world has grown exponentially in the past few years thanks to more and more people using it as a platform for content creation. YouTube has produced big names in the digital world such as Lily Singh, Patricia Bright, Jenna Marbles and the like. Kenyan-American YouTuber, Evelyn Ngugi is well on her way to the creme of the crop of content creators with her channel, Evelyn from the Internets which currently boasts 150k+ subscribers and even got the stamp of approval from the Queen bee herself, Beyonce. Evelyn recently took a trip back to her home country for the first time in over a decade and spent some time meeting her internet cousins (her name for her subscribers) and discovering Kenya again as an adult. SLA managed to get some time to chat with the hilarious Texas native on her growth in YouTube, her thoughts on the creative industry in Africa and what’s in store for her in the future. You started making YouTube videos way before it became the IT thing to do. What got you interested in that medium of sharing? Tinkering with different media has always been an interest of mine. As a child, I would dub my “radio show” over old cassette tapes. As a teenager, I would enlist my little brother to record “TV shows” and burn them onto blank DVDs. YouTube/the Internet was just next up, in terms of accessible technology. How has social media helped grow your brand? I’m more interested to know what people think my brand is, to begin with! Social media changed the game because it makes people and their processes accessible. For example, we used to only be able to interact with musicians or actors when their work was released or they had a press interview. With social media, those barriers are gone. It’s scary and cool but mostly cool. Social media helps grow brands by putting creators directly in touch with consumers. [bctt tweet=”Focus on making an amazing product first. Social media algorithms will have changed 10 times by the time you’re ready to advertise – Evelyn Ngugi” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] We love that you stan hard for various Black Girl Beauty Brands. What advice would you give to young women out there looking to start and/or build their own brand? Focus on making an amazing product first. These social media algorithms will have changed 10 times by the time you’re ready to advertise anyway. So many people want to be a “brand” but they don’t actually have a product yet. You recently took a break from the daily routines of life as explained in your recent video. Why did that happen? The break was the decision and goal I made for late 2017 and the rest of 2018! Something about being 27, girl… it makes you realize that you are in control of your time. Do I want to spend the tail end of my precious twenties feeling stuck, or do I want to pivot into something greater? I chose greater. What inspires you as a creative and what drives you as an entrepreneur? I’m definitely a creative, but not an entrepreneur (yet). I think that’s just a misconception of being on the Internet. I’ve been #TeamHaveA9to5 my entire adulthood (which isn’t long) and I’m only now figuring out if I want to work for myself. What inspires me as a creative are how innate and infinite my imaginations are and how hard work only makes things better. So toddlers are creative, but those toddlers eventually grow up and become Martin Scorsese or something and that’s just incredible to think about. Not even trying to be funny, but as an entrepreneur, I imagine not being homeless or hungry would be the biggest driver. You cut your own check and that sounds stressful fam! You recently visited Kenya for the first time in over a decade. What are your thoughts about the creative space in Kenya vs other African countries? Hmmm – that’s such a huge question for a first generation kid-essentially-turned tourist! From my brief time there, I noticed creative folks were frustrated. What does it mean for music to sound Kenyan? Fashion to look Kenyan? When we talk about Nigeria or South Africa or even neighboring Tanzania, some of those things are more clearly defined or accepted. I think Kenyan artists need more financial, governmental, and societal support to elevate Kenyan creative works where they belong. Who are your top 5 YouTubers? I feel like these answers change every time – thanks to YouTube algorithm! So right now, in no particular order: KickThePJ: He’s just fantastical and whimsical and embodies what I still admire about YouTube. Making stuff up. Making stuff with your hands. Combining the two. A multi-media filmmaker. Beleaf In Fatherhood: As a single, child-free person, it is difficult to find a family channel that holds my attention. This family combines my love of dope music with an attention to detail and story that is unmatched. Oh, and it’s #blacklove all the way. Patricia Bright: She is OG YouTube. She is still here. And she’s killing it. I think she’s gorgeous and hilarious and if you can make someone who wears black 90% of the time (me) still be thoroughly entertained by a 30-minute video of you trying on clothes??! SUBSCRIBE. F0XY: Jade has such a distinct comedic tone and voice and I just want her to win. Because if she wins, I feel like I can too. She’s relatable like that. Inappropriate and so, so relatable. Lavendaire: She is a sweet whisper of lavender essential oil infused vapor that calms me down and helps me be productive all at the same time. Gorgeously branded channel and impactful content. Do you plan on moving on from YouTube to mainstream television or the big screen? My plan for 2018 is to do more screenwriting and share more stories – both my own and those of my fellow earthlings. Where those stories end up for your viewing
Vulnerability: Your key to smashing goals this year
[bctt tweet=”To be Vulnerable means to be open to all of life’s experiences ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Ours is a generation of people striving to make their lives look perfect all the time. We post pictures, we update our statuses, we buy new things with the idea that maybe if it looks perfect enough, it will start to feel perfect. We don’t know how to handle feelings of uncertainty, unworthiness, loss, heartbreak; so we post more pictures and look even more perfect…sounds familiar right? Our inability to accept the messiness of life, the ‘imperfection in ourselves’ and the fact that sometimes we’re all just little kids trying to make friends on the playground has affected our quality of life and our ability to truly engage with each other. The average 20-something- year- old knows exactly how much money they want to earn, by what age they should be married, how many kids they intend to have, where those kids will go to school…all this with a flat tummy, gorgeous skin and long natural hair! It’s a lot on any one’s plate and has made life this series of ‘check-list moments’. It’s no wonder new year’s resolutions have been given a bad rap over the years, it stopped being about ‘the magic of new beginnings, the chance to hit the refresh button and start all over again’, and instead started being about self-reprimand, self-hate, and comparison to others. In her brilliant book, “Daring Greatly”, Brene’ Brown explores how striving to achieve your goals requires an openness to being vulnerable. The ability to stand up and say, “January hit me hard, I wasn’t prepared for some of the things life threw at me, I missed the mark and now, I must start afresh”, can affect your quality of life and ability to truly engage with other people. Our generation is afraid of vulnerability, and for good reason, we’ve all been told we are too much of something to achieve something bigger than ourselves; too short, too fat, too loud, too broke, etc, and as a result, more and more people are afraid to even try, and those that do, are afraid to try at things that really matter- those big hairy audacious goals. According to Brene’, “Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness, will we be closer to the infinite power of our light”. To be Vulnerable means to be open to all of life’s experiences from a place of worthiness and self-love, not self-hate. [bctt tweet=”You are enough!” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Vulnerability is: Starting over after that first business failed. Speaking up about your relationships so that every abuse you experienced is never repeated. Asking for more money, time, attention…if it is what will fulfill your needs. Saying no to anyone who crosses the boundaries set in your relationship. Committing to going to the gym after having fallen off your ideal weight. Asking for help. Presenting your product to the world and getting no response. Having faith. Saying ‘yes’ to love after a major heartbreak. Admitting you do not know what to do, and then looking for the answer. Letting go of some people because your business cannot afford it. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is about acknowledging discomfort and then using it in a positive way to enhance your life experience. A few keys to enhancing your ability to manage vulnerability and therefore better able to live a wholehearted life are; 1. Be open Sometimes the goals you want to achieve won’t be achieved in the exact path you expected, but it will always be worth it. You have to keep your heart and mind open to new ideas, a new career, new employers etc when it’s required. 2. Dare to show up No matter how uncomfortable, unqualified or unprepared you might think you are, always show up. Your current life isn’t a dress rehearsal for your next life! If it’s important to you, you must show up. 3. Set and respect your boundaries Set boundaries for your time, space and relationships, and after you’ve set your boundaries, respect them. Your goals this year are yours to achieve. Vulnerability is being able to let other people know when they have crossed boundaries that you never intended to be crossed. 4. Wholehearted living According to Brene’ Brown, wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. Too many people don’t think they are worthy of love, attention, support, promotion etc. This lack of self-love manifests itself in a myriad of ways that lead to people sabotaging the great things in their lives. As you go about the business of achieving your goals this year, you must believe that you are worthy of all you are striving for. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. For the times when being vulnerable seems like the hardest thing to do, turn to the immortal words of Theodore Roosevelt: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” Got an article you’d like to share with us? 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If you want to achieve your goals, stop focusing on them
A lot of us have set out the goals that we want to achieve in 2018. Whether it’s business, family life, financial, career or social goals we have set them out and we expect to achieve them by 31st December 2018. How successful have you been in the past? Personally, at the end of the year, I find I have achieved 50% or less of what I set for myself to achieve. So what am I doing wrong?. I stumble across an interesting TED talk by Reggie Rivers, his first bold statement was that “IF YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE GOALS STOP FOCUSING ON THEM!” This caught my interest as it goes against what I had learned so far, I listened to the entire presentation. [bctt tweet=”Break your goals into tasks that’ll bring you closer to the goal.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Reggie broke down that focusing on the goal makes you unable to use your energy on actually achieving the Goal. Moreover, more often than not you are not in control of the outcome and are only in control of your behavior and reactions. We all want to make money in our business by the end of the year, but you can’t force customers to buy from you, you can make the product as good as possible, yes, but you really can’t guarantee the outcome i.e. profits. For instance, if you want to lose weight you end up weighing yourself every week. Of course, those who struggle with weight like I, realize that this does not lead anywhere fast. In fact, you end up frustrated and abandon the whole weight loss journey. You are focusing on the outcome. He suggests that you should focus on WHAT IS IN YOUR CONTROL, your behavior. Hmm… what does this mean? He says that you should focus on your behavior, which you are in control of, to achieve your goal. [bctt tweet=”Focus on what’s in your control – your behaviour” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Assume you are able to achieve the goal and perform the tasks to achieve it. In the weight loss scenario, you should focus on what you are eating, how much you exercise and what you drink. We need to break the goal into smaller tasks that we can perform easily and fast while working towards the main huge ambitious goal. Reggie suggests that you should have tasks that you can perform TODAY, TOMORROW and THIS WEEK. I like the idea that you break up your big goal into smaller manageable bits. What does this achieve? You remain motivated as you achieve something every day and week. Every small step moves you closer to the big goal. You can dream big and break the large goal into smaller action points and you end up achieving an ambitious goal. This works even when you need to save or invest. This I can testify to. You keep on revising your plan every so often and thereby are able to make necessary changes to move you closer to the goal. This is particularly helpful in business so that where you can change a strategy that does not work before you lose too much money. It helps you be disciplined on simple tasks and eventually bigger ones. This is a way to get rid of bad habits like procrastinating. If you are accountable on a daily and weekly basis you notice your weakness and work on it more often to improve yourself. It actually keeps you on track as you end up spending the necessary time, without getting distracted, to achieve your eventual goal. Normally when a task is huge we are quick to allow ourselves to be distracted away from it. In conclusion, I think this is a great concept to adopt in business and generally in life, deal with what you are in control of. Forget what is not in your control because you can’t change it anyway. Got an article you’d like to share with us? Share your story with us here.
4 easy steps to maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace
Emotional intelligence just like any skill can be learned and mastered. Negative attitudes, just like talent only develops when it is in use. Ever heard the saying “practice makes perfect”? That goes without saying when it comes to maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace. You worked endlessly on a project with your supervisor and the only feedback you receive from the same supervisor during the review was that “you should have put in more effort”. Finding yourself in those shoes and sometimes losing it, feels like a right response at that moment. The last thing you need in your career path is to be associated with the “baby” who is not ready to climb a corporate ladder. The following guidelines will assist you to slay it like a pro when you are tempted to lose it. 1. Acknowledge to address The only good thing about the loss of emotional control is the fact that, it does not go unnoticed firstly by you. Secondly and negatively by everyone around you and once expressed cannot be taken back. The worse thing you can do is ignore it, just like a balloon being inflated it grows bigger and bigger until it explodes. Although study associate women having hippocampus and a deeper limbic system bigger than men, which allows them to express emotions in detail than men. That being said, when it happens do not beat yourself about it just acknowledge it. In this predicament something wonderful is that “women might be better prepared to physically react to negative stimuli than males” says Milnik. That makes women better managers. 2. Excuse yourself Walking away from the situation does not make one a coward, although society had taught us the opposite. Furthermore, postponing dealing with something does not mean avoiding it. When the edge to say or act according to the way you are actually feeling kicks in. It is best to draw away from the situation strategically by suggesting a way out. That can be achieved by saying “how about we consider this aspect at a certain time? 3. Reaction time Often the saying “I can’t deal with this right now” is associated with being rude but it is a technique used to buy time. Time is one of the most important factors and everyone needs it to maintain a positive attitude. In order to effectively analyze all options and come up with an appropriate conclusion. Reacting at the very same moment might cause you to respond without considering all the facts. 4. Manage “It is much more preferred to work with an unqualified person with a positive attitude rather than a qualified individual who lacks it, “says one manager. The are various ways which can be used to manage it which have been proven to work. Different techniques work for different people, you just need to find the one that works for you and your circumstance. Amongst the many techniques available such as counting, breathing and walking. Listening attentively to distinguish all sound and their connection without any thought is my personal favorite. Got an article you’d like to share with us? Share your story with us here.