When is the right time to tie the knot?
This is question that runs through just about every girl’s mind once she counted as a woman. In the 70’s, women were often married off by the time they were 18-years-old, even earlier when cultural norms were considered. If you were 25 and still unmarried, you were seen as an old spinster. Emphasis on the word “old”. But after the 70’s, the average age at which women got married only continued to rise instead of falling despite terms like, “old spinster”. This happened across the world as the dynamics around what and who a woman was as well as what her duties and limitations are began to shift. The historical angle There was a point in time when the status a woman got was solely attached to her father’s name and her husband’s after that. For this reason, I think women, even those born into families with strong reputable names, made sure that they married into status. This had to be done as soon as possible, of course before all the good men with the good names got swept up. But once women were able to get their own jobs, make their own money and demand more respect than they were only able to in previous times and environments, there was a sudden shift. Women had more liberties then and the need to achieve more for themselves outside the aspects of family grew. What all this has done in subsequent years is, it’s made more and more women think about themselves, their own name, reputations, careers, and futures. But we still yearn for companionship. We still want that place in a family as wife and mother. A right time to tie the knot? But is there a right time to tie that knot? Everyone has an opinion about when the right time is and their own reasons for backing it. Your grandmother might say the moment you turn 20 you are ready. Your auntie, the nosy one who’s in everyone’s face, might say when you’re 24. Your mother might say when you’re done with school. But when are you done with school? You get your first degree, and then perhaps your second. Then your masters and then suddenly getting a PhD seems like the next best option. There will be those people who will say that you just must marry before your eggs “grow old” and preferably before you turn 30, the apparent age when everything in your body starts to shut down, so that you can have kids and be young with your children. “You don’t want to have to run after a 5-year-old when you’re an old and tired,” they will say. But now technology has given us a way to preserve our eggs, get sperm donors, use surrogates and along with the increased awareness and great regard for fitness and nutrition, this reason to tie the knot earlier rather than later has started to weigh less than it did before. More women are adjusting their timelines for just about everything. What does the public say? I went out to see what the Ugandan public thought was the right time to tie the knot. One lady I spoke to felt that any time is the right time when you’ve met the right person and are physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially ready to take that step while another without hesitation replied 28. One unmarried guy seemed to agree with this adding that you need to be at a place where you are willing and able to provide for a family. When the married people, both women and men, were asked for their opinion however, they had this to say, “The time is right just when it is. There is no formula when it comes to emotions.” “You’ll never have enough money. If you love her and she loves you back and you both see each other in each other’s lives long term, get married” “You’ll never be perfect and rounded in all the ways you want to be. If you’re both on the same wavelength and love each other, just do it.” “After you have found yourself and your centre because if it is because if your reason for marrying is loneliness then you’re making a big mistake. Loneliness is a spiritual, emotional condition.” After considering the replies of happily married people, we can with some confidence, say this much. Before you join yourself in holy matrimony with someone else, make sure you are happy, fulfilled, whole, healthy as an individual and ready to give 100%. There is no certain universal time when a person is at this place in their lives. Despite all this, marriage is an institution that requires two whole persons not two half empty vessels. When is the right time to tie the knot? You decide.
The 5 types of friends every woman needs in her late 20s and early 30s
“True friends are like diamonds—bright, beautiful, valuable and always in style.” – Nicole Ritchie Coming of age and navigating the tumultuous waters of adulthood, I was a big fan of the TV show “Sex and the city” as my friends and I looked to the show for advice on how to model our lives in a way that was fashionable and fun. As I grew older, I realized that there was another important “f factor” I needed to be on the lookout for when choosing friends, fulfillment. There comes a point in every young woman’s life, for me it hit in my late 20s as the dreaded 3-0 loomed closer, where you realize that it is time to put aside childish thoughts and ways and begin to think seriously about laying a stable foundation for your 30s and working towards the manifestation of that. In the last decade I have lived in 5 cities in 3 different countries. I have been a student, a traveler, a freelancer and full-time employee. I have gained, and lost, more than my fair share of acquaintances, kindred spirits, fair-weather and lifelong friends. The more I think about the different periods of my life and the people who were present during those times, the more I realize the great, and lasting, impact these people have had on my life. The ones that stand out in my mind and the ones whose friendships I still cherish are the ones who were with me laughing, crying, cursing, loving, losing and believing with me all the way. When I first watched the hit web TV series “An African City”, beyond the glamorous lives of these returnees, what struck me was the strong bond of friendship that existed between these 5 women, individually and collectively. Perhaps, wrapped in each of An African City’s complex character are a few lessons we could all learn about the types of friends every modern African woman needs to successfully navigate her late 20s and early 30s. The Lifer/Memory Keeper “An African City” is told from the viewpoint of NanaYa, who returns to Ghana with her parents after spending most of her life in America. We learn about the other characters through NanaYa’s insightful observations and it is clear that she is the glue that holds the group together. Every girl needs friends who can tell you the who/what/where/why of most of your major life moments, possibly because she has lived through most of them with you. The Lifer friend is someone who has been there with you through thick and thin and is not going anywhere, ever. You may choose different paths in life and there may come a time when you will be separated by distance and other relationships and commitments, but this is the friend that would drop everything to be by your side if you ever needed her. She will be the godmother of your children and the adopted daughter of your parents, she will be the one sitting next to you on a porch 50 years from now reminiscing about life and all the joy, sorrow, triumphs and failures it brought you both. Cherish the Lifers and Memory Keepers you have in your life. The Hustler The Hustler is portrayed by Zainab who moved to Ghana to start her own natural hair product business. She pours all her time and energy into making her business successful. Even through the trying times, Zainab always manages to keep her head above the water and proves that she deserves every bit of the success she has achieved. Every girl needs that Hustler chick among her circle of friends who is killing it professionally. Not only will she inspire you to aspire to greater heights, she is a fountain continuously springing forth invaluable advice on the dos and don’ts of navigating the business world. Your Hustler friend will have contacts and resources that you can tap into and before you know it, you might become the Hustler in your group as well. The Uplifter The sheer amount of change you will experience in your late 20s and early 30s is enough to leave anyone dazed and confused wondering why up is down and down is up and just how in God’s name you are supposed to make sense of it all. When I was about 25, I remember feeling like someone had pulled the rug out from under me. I was expected to graduate with honors, find a great, well-paying job, move into a nice, furnished apartment. Add to that I was to work long hours and still be out on the town every weekend having a good time, then get married, have a few babies all the while remaining a successful career woman. If it wasn’t for the grace of God, family and uplifting friends I would have gone crazy a long time ago. In “An African City”, Ngozi is the Uplifter, that one friend that you can always count on for an encouraging word when times are rough, the friend who not only listens attentively but also supports all your hopes and dreams, even the crazy, impractical ones. The Uplifter’s favorite word is “yes”. Sometimes it seems like the world is screaming no to all your efforts and that you are constantly being met with closed doors. When you’re just about ready to throw in the towel, it is refreshing to have that one voice that always says “”Yes, I believe in you”, “Yes, you can do it.” The No BS’er Say what you will about Sade’s character but she is actually my favorite character. While she appears to have many vices, Sade is the one character in the group who is always willing to call a spade a spade. And I believe every girl needs friends who will always tell them the truth, even when it hurts. Often, to keep the peace, girls avoid telling each other the ugly or painful truth. In the worst case scenarios, rather than
10 more TED talks by African women that will inspire you
In January, we shared 10 TED talks that will inspire you this year. As we’re already midway through the year, we figure inspiration levels may need a reboost. So, here are even more TED talks by African women running things that will remind you how awesome we all are at winning. 1. Siyanda Mohutsiwa Siyanda Mohutsiwa is a 22 year old blogger and writer from Botswana using the Internet to pursue her pan-African dreams. She is the person behind the #IfAfricaWasABar hashtag that went viral gaining over 60,000 tweets in July last year. Siyanda’s TED talk is a funny look into how young Africans are using the Internet, particularly through Twitter to get to know each other better. 2 Kechi Okwuchi Kechi Okwuchi is has achieved a whole lot in her lifetime. She survived the Sosoliso plane crash in 2005 that took the lives of 60 of her schoolmates who were flying home for the holidays. Kechi used her second chance at life to uncover her passions and went on to graduate magna cum laude from university. Her story inspires us to know ourselves and our vision. To remember that scars that don’t define us and that our passions can make our dreams a reality. 3. Achenyo Idachaba Achenyo Idachaba’s idea turned a plant associated with death and destruction to a source of lifelihood. In 2009, Achenyo left the United States to relocate to Nigeria where she put to life her concern for sustainable development in the country. She took the water hyacinth, a plant that clogs many Nigerian waterways and found a way to dry and weave its stems, transforming the plant into ropes that make pens, purses, tableware and much more. 4. Kakenya Ntaiya As a young Maasai woman, Kakenya Ntaiya already did things that no one else in her community had. She bucked gender expectations, negotiating with her father to stay in school, getting the male elders to support her to go to university in the United States and returning to set a girls’ school in her community. Kakenya’s story reminds us that when there’s a will, there will always be a way. 5. Juliana Rotich Juliana Rotich is the co-founder of Ushahidi and iHub. Ushahidi is a Kenyan open-source software used globally that collects and maps out information while the iHub is a collective tech space in Nairobi. In her TED talk, Juliana shares how she and her friends developed BRCK, a service that offers stronger Internet connectivity specifically designed for African needs such as power outages. 6. Ory Okolloh Ory Okolloh is an activist who regularly reports on the going-ons of the Kenyan parliament. She started the blog Mzalendo that shined a light into the goings-on in the parliament, bringing citizens closer to their government at a time when what went on in the Kenyan parliament was secretive. Here she gives insight into her heroic work as an activist. 7. Kah Walla Kah Walla is a Cameroonian entrepreneur, activist and political leader. She is also the first woman to run for president in Cameroon. Kah has worked in developing solutions to encourage economic growth and democracy in her country. It doesn’t get more inspiring than listening to the words of a pioneer. 8. Panashe Chigumadzi Panashe Chigumadzi is a writer and storyteller from Zimbabwe. Her debut novel, “Sweet Medicine” is highly acclaimed and she has produced a documentary, “Africa’s Upstarts”. Here, Panashe reminds us that stereotypes can shape the way even we view ourselves. While this makes them hard to shake off, technology can change that by more equally distributing power that Africans can use to their advantage. 9. Jepchumba A digital artist and founder of the African Digital Art Network, Jepchumba is a role model for working where your passions lie. At TEDxEuston, Jepchumba says her entire life is based online and reveals that Africa’s digital potential is hidden submerged under the surface just waiting to rise. 10. Lindiwe Mazibuko Lindiwe Mazibuko was the youngest parliamentary leader and the first black woman to be the Leader of the Opposition in South Africa. In her talk, Lindiwe gives her reasons why young Africans in the Diaspora should return to work in civil service in their respective countries. Lindiwe reminds young people not to run away from politics and find ways to give back to our countries for the better.
3 subtle ways to increase your daily productivity
Daily productivity can sometimes feel so elusive. We all the many goals we would like to achieve each day. We easily make our to-do lists and set reminders then distractions get in the way. By the end of the day, we’re left feeling like we could have achieved more, and wishing that there were more than 24 hours in a day. I’ve faced the same challenge. But with a few adjustments to my daily routine, I have been able to cope better. Here are three subtle changes that really help with increasing your daily productivity when you add them to your routine. Choose your outfits the day before If you’re going to work or attending a meeting tomorrow, you need to select everything you’re going to wear today. When I say everything, I mean everything. From your underwear to the mascara you’ll be using, to the shoes that will match your outfit and the jewelry you’ll wear. I have been a victim of casually deciding on outfits to wear…only to discover in the morning that the outfit needed a camisole, and then discovering that I could find said camisole. Everything got frantic from then on. I sent clothes flying in the air while muttering prayers and curses concurrently. Do you know how much time you would save each morning by just planning ahead? If you’re able to do this effectively, you would have some time left over to jot down your thoughts or create a to-do list for the day. Trust me, you would start the day all calm, composed and dignified. This will be a huge boost to your daily productivity. The woman rushing around in search of a missing earring while hopping on one foot as she tries to locate a second shoe only looks cute in romantic comedies. In real life, it’s just a mess and brings about unnecessary stress which you do not need. Journaling for side-hustle success You know that spare time you have at work to complain about Nigeria, your boss or whose turn it is to buy the office provisions? Or those times you waste daydreaming about a much needed exotic vacation (when you’ve actually exhausted your vacation days)? What about those other times you wished you had more time during the day to take note of your creative ideas? It’s time to start using your spare time wisely. Get creative and write in a journal. As a writer with a 9-5 job, I carry a journal with me everywhere. In it I write down random thoughts which eventually become poems, stories or essays. But journals aren’t only for writers. Everyone can benefit from a journal. It’s a place where you jot down the random ideas you have throughout the day, and which you can review when you have some down time. You’ll be surprised at the end of the day how many ideas you’ve come up with. Journaling also reveals things about your psyche. What you write down randomly could reflect your state of mind and highlight areas in your life which you might need to improve on. This will take you one step closer to achieving your desired goals. If carrying a journal can’t fit into your designer bag, use your phone to capture your thoughts. Do whatever is convenient for you, just make sure your thoughts don’t fade away. You are what you read: The social media feed conundrum This, for me, is one of the most important things towards subtly increasing your daily productivity. So, you complain about not getting enough information about your areas of interest. Yet your social media feeds are only for entertainment, gossip and videos of cats playing pianos. Can you see the problem here? Social media is a very useful tool for absorbing information in our digital age. Whether we like it or not, we need to consciously moderate our feeds to reflect our interests and aspirations. Let’s face it, I enjoy a good meme. Who doesn’t?! I spent hours on the internet last year laughing out loud to funny pictures inspired by Drake’s “Hotline Bling” video. However when I began to write, I started to follow blogs and forums which reflected my interests. I signed up to Reader’s digest, Writer’s digest, Grammarly, The Sparkle Writer’s Hub, The Reading Room, Writing Tips and of course, She Leads Africa for daily inspiration and motivation. Think about the amount of time you spend on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media daily. Is it a normal part of your day to idly scroll through your feed? You should try to make this activity as intellectually stimulating as you can. If you can’t let go of your social media pastimes, consider multitasking to increase your daily productivity. If, for instance, say you usually spend your lunch break playing Candy Crush on your phone whilst eating. You could use that time to browse the internet for topics related to your areas of interest instead. This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s definitely a starting point to increasing your productivity as a #MotherlandMogul!
7 history lessons to keep the modern African woman motivated
History is such a fascinating subject. It is very enlightening to be able to study people, places and events which occurred before you because they help shape modern thought and explain the current status quo. We often hear about great heroes and heroines throughout history who have impacted on our world but African women in particular have not received as much spotlight. As Motherland Moguls, we acknowledge and pay our respects to those who have paved the way before us. You’ll notice these women had different methods of achieving their goals but for us what stands out is what we can take away from their stories. This is by no means an exhaustive list, we hope you enjoy our selection nonetheless. Let’s delve into important lessons from our African heroines who remind us that the struggle is not a new one, but indeed we can come out on top as game changers: Yaa Asantewaa Lesson #1: Bravery Yaa Asantewaa was the gatekeeper of the golden stool a symbol of Ashanti supremacy. When her father and brother were exiled by the British colonialists in the 19th century, she charged the Ashanti people to fight for their freedom. Whilst many were afraid to fight, she demonstrated immense bravery even calling on her fellow women to fight if the men would not. She was instrumental in the independence fight leading an army of 5,000 in battle against the British. Margaret Ekpo Lesson #2: Be ingenious Being a woman was not an excuse for Margaret Ekpo. In the early days of her political activism, she found herself being the only woman at a political rally she attended. Unimpressed by this, she tried to get other women to become more involved in political matters. Unfortunately, most men would not permit their wives to do so. She later invested heavily in the salt business during a period of scarcity. Having the upper hand, she refused to sell salt to women who would not join the Aba Market Women Association. As you can guess, she soon had the turnout she was looking for and was able to promote economic empowerment for women through the association. Ahebe Ugbabe Lesson #3: Your pitfalls can become your crowning glory Ahebe Ugbabe is a woman who doesn’t get as much shine as she should in African history. She is hailed as the first female KING of Igboland. Yeah, I wrote that right…king, not queen. What’s most remarkable about her story is that she was able to turn lemons hurled at her into some good ol’ lemonade. Sacrificed to be married to a village deity as penance for her father’s sins, she managed to escape to another community and later returned to be installed as a warrant chief, eventually becoming king! Queen Nzinga Lesson #4: Re-invent yourself where necessary Queen Nzinga of Angola is remembered for her brilliant political prowess. She ruled over the Mbundu people through the aid of the Portuguese colonialists. Prior to her ascension to the throne, women were not allowed to do so. She thus adopted the name Dona Ana de Sousa which had Christian and Portuguese affiliations to ring in their support. At some other point, she is reported to have taken on the title Rainha de Andogo meaning ‘Queen of Andongo’. This queen had so much kickass, we have outlined not one but two lessons from her story. Lesson #5: Elevate yourself when others try to put you down At a conference with the Portuguese authorities, an attempt to humiliate Nzinga was thwarted when she made a conscious effort not to be put down. Offered a seat on a mat as a sign of disrespect, Queen Nzinga sat on her servant’s back to negotiate the peace discussions. Funmilayo Ransome Kuti Lesson #6: Raise a new generation of thinkers A phenomenal woman, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti was an influencer, activist for women’s rights and human rights campaigner. Founder of the Abeokuta Women’s Union, she has been immortalised in history as one of the delegates who negotiated Nigeria’s independence from Britain. She dropped her Christian name ‘Frances Abigail’ in response to the racism she personally encountered in Britain. There is no doubt that she influenced her offspring with her revolutionary ideas as several of them went on to become radical voices against different forms of injustice. Queen Amina of Zaria Lesson #7: Be badass! Queen Amina is hailed as a brilliant military strategist and warrior who performed incredible feats leading her troops into battle, conquering new territory and fortifying the kingdom of Zaria. Referred to as a legend, Queen Amina’s badassery also extended to the control of trade and the erecting of walls surrounding Zaria city. We hope you’ve been doubly inspired and motivated to perform great feats in your chosen professions and the world around you. So, adjust your crowns and let’s get to writing our own amazing stories that will remain ingrained in the sands of time!
7 inspirational websites you need to follow
The most beautiful thing about being a young professional or career woman today is that your knowledge isn’t limited to what you can find in your neighbourhood or community. The digital world allows you to connect with experts and information from across the globe. Whatever issue you think you might have, there are probably 100 or so websites that can help you solve your problem. While there are over a too websites we love, here are 7 of our favourites that help us stay informed, motivated and ready for whatever life throws at us. 1. Smart Money Africa The Smart Money Movement is championed by financial guru Arese Ugwu. Her website provides a platform for young people to learn to manage their finances better by knowing their net worth and prioritizing the accumulation of assets over frivolous spending. In other words, being smart about your money. Keep an eye out for the blog, the Smart Money Workshops and the Smart Money Journal. They will literally change your life. You’re welcome. 2. Minding Her Business Young? Ambitious? Fabulous? Ready to move to the next level of all-round wellness? Then you need to be minding her business. Starting out as a series of motivational quotes on social media, MHB evolved into a practical guide for the modern woman in the form of an e-book covering financial success, self-confidence, love and relationships. Navigate the site to get inspired by Ivy’s story, keep afloat with the blog and to get acquainted with the book. 3. Ms Afropolitan If you’re searching for a space to address your feminist woes and reaffirm your womanhood in the African context, then this is your destination. Through its blog articles, this website dissects topical issues such as colonialism, race, politics and what it’s like living in Diaspora. It offers strong, powerful, relevant messages for women of colour. 4. Haute Fashion Africa Haute Fashion Africa is basically the fashion portfolio for the modern African woman. This website is on top of all that’s happening in the African fashion stratosphere. We’re talking all the fashion trends, the major fashion shows in different African cities, profiles on designers, stylists and models. 5. Food and the Fabulous This lifestyle website showcases cuisine and culture from all over the continent and the rest of the world. Award-winning South African journalist, Ishay Govender-Ypma takes you on a journey with the Food and the Fabulous Food tours introducing you to Cape Town’s mouth-watering dishes. Many of these recipes are available for you to try out. You can also gain travel inspiration and take a dig at current issues. 6. Travel Africa Story Sure you’ve heard the saying that one’s education is incomplete without the experience of travel. This inspirational site features travel experiences and highlights amazing travel destinations from across Africa. If you need ideas for your next vacation, check out ‘Travel Tips & Trips’. With several helpful articles and feature stories on travel etiquette and fun things to do on your trip, it’s an amazing travel guide. The best part? You have the opportunity to tell your own travel story and get featured on the site. 7. She Leads Africa (duh!) Did you think we were going to leave this out of the list? Think again. SLA is arguably the #1 go-to website for young African females with a focus on getting started or improving their careers and business. It’s a resource pool packed with power articles and insight from the co-founders and diverse team of editors and contributors. It also features practical tips and advice, webinars, access to career coaches and more. The SheHive events which bring together the SLA community and industry leaders are hosted in various cities around the world. Motherland Moguls, let’s get surfing! Share with us what some of your favorite websites are to check out. Besides us of course 😉
Young women and marriage: 3 conversations we keep having
Some days ago on a road trip to IITA Ibadan for my company’s annual retreat, there was this huge debate between what I have chosen to call the new school modern family values enthusiasts and the old school traditional family values enthusiasts, over married women and their career choices/decisions. It was a long and interesting conversation, voices were raised, opinions flew back and forth, words were exchanged (although with no ill intents), feelings and sentiments were bruised, perspectives were vehemently challenged and even faith was questioned. At the end of the trip (and as such the conversation), there was no victor and no vanquished, proving (yet again) that: Opinions are formed over time, experiences and the accumulation of a body of knowledge and it takes more than one heated conversation to get people to change those opinions. Back to the reason we are all gathered here today, I think that because of my age, most of the conversations I have with family, friends, acquaintances and even colleagues are pivoted around, you-guessed-right! Marriage. So, while we talk business, entrepreneurship, career and our shared ambition to take over the world, we should also take a moment to address the pink elephant in the room. So, tag along while I attempt to dissect some of the concerns we young women have when it comes to the institution of marriage. The validity of aspiring to marriage With Chimamanda Adichie’s 2013 TED talk (made even popular by Beyonce’s inclusion in the song, Flawless) finding its way into mainstream culture and conversations, we women are gradually being liberated from that flawed conviction that marriage is the gold standard and a ‘mark of success in life’. While this can be called progress in some ways, it also has its downsides. Hold on, let me explain. The feminist-driven academic and journalistic culture celebrating today’s “liberated” women, also in some ways, seeks to suppress a natural need for family that most women have. In recent times, there has been a blizzard of anti-marriage sentiments shared vocally among the female folks especially across social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook. And this is largely because most of them do not want to be seen as aspiring to marriage but hand on heart – and this is quite controversial. I do not know of one woman who does not want to have her own husband and possibly children to come home to after a long day at work. When discussing the issue in an open and public platform, most young women would be quick to put up an air of indifference with respect to marriage but get her alone and the story would be entirely different. There, I’ve said it! (But let’s not forget that this is an entirely unscientific view based only on my circle of friends, acquaintances and interactions with random people). Therefore, my take on this issue is rather simple: as much as marriage is not the holy grail of womanhood, I think wanting to be married and subsequently aspiring to it, is valid! As such, you are allowed to be intentional about it, as you are with work/business. (For more on this please try reading this from Dr. Meg Jay). The dichotomy between marriage and work In 2011, the COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg made a statement that went viral; “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.” I only came across this statement last year and it was insightful for me because it reaffirmed a conviction that I have always held and still hold; that the man I marry would take me one step closer to my biggest dreams. Before going further, I should clearly state that I have nothing against stay-at-home mums. On the contrary, any woman who readily gives up the fancy skirt suits and board meetings for house cleaning and grocery shopping has my respect. However, I do not think that marriage and even motherhood has to be a stumbling block on a woman’s pathway to progress. Society typically expects the woman to lean back and make only those career moves that are convenient for her status as a married woman but that does not always have to be the case. Family is a collective and shared responsibility placed equally on both the man and the woman even though both have to function in different capacities. With proper planning, communication and understanding between partners, I believe it is possible for both to raise a decent family without anyone’s dreams or goals suffering for it. This is where Sheryl’s statement becomes important. Because for this to happen and for this system to work, you need a man who acknowledges the validity of your dreams, believes in the weight of your ambitions and is ready and willing to support you towards reaching your goals regardless of what that ‘support’ might involve. So yes, married or single, you are allowed to aspire to heights unimaginable in your personal and professional life and marriage if done right, would serve as a catalyst and not a distraction. Knowing when enough is enough! There are reports that say that every fourth Nigerian woman suffers some form of domestic violence in her life time. The worst forms of these are usually battering, trafficking, rape and homicide. And it seems only sensible that I lend my voice to this recurring social menace that is plaguing our society, the institution of marriage and women in particular. This is however not to say that men do not suffer domestic abuse or to disregard that possibility. On this issue, there really isn’t so much I have to say that would be entirely new to you but this, LEAVE! If you unfortunately find yourself in an abusive relationship, before you consider any other solution or any form of therapy, get yourself out of that situation and environment. No man is allowed to hit you out of love or in an attempt to discipline you or for any other reason that you may want to let yourself believe.
Who run the world?: How African women are changing the way we see Africa
In the last few days of June 2015, a hashtag, #TheAfricaTheMediaNeverShowsYou was trending on Twitter. Within a week, it had been used 54,000 times. Fed up, and in an effort to defy the negative and monoculture stereotypes of Africa, Africans at home and in the diaspora started tweeting vibrant pictures of African landscapes, architecture, food, fashion, and art. These tweets tell a different story of Africa – one told by Africans themselves. The campaign was reportedly started by @WestAfricanne, a 17-year-old “aspiring journalist and photographer” and “proud African”. Diana Salah, known by her followers as @lunarnomad, is a 22-year-old American-Somali student and early supporter of the campaign told Fusion: “I got involved because growing up I was made to feel ashamed of my homeland, with negative images that paint Africa as a desolate continent. I used to get questions ranging from ‘were you born in a hut’ to hurtful comments about disease and poverty.” Poverty, conflict, and marginalization are certainly deep-rooted problems across the continent, but showcasing only these aspects has resulted in what Chimamanda Adichie calls “the danger of the single story”. Here are some of the many ways in which African women are combating stereotypes and prospering against all odds. We’re blowing up runways Iman and Alek Wek, hailing from Somalia and South Sudan respectively, are two supermodels who, with their dark and lovely complexions, disrupted the accepted standard of beauty. By sheer example, they paved the way for other dark-skinned women to feel beautiful and comfortable in their skin. Iman is now famous for creating cosmetics for her dark-skinned sisters and Alek Wek has her own handbag line. Since their come up, models like Liya Kebede of Ethiopia, Ajak Deng and Ataui Deng of South Sudan, Yasmin Warseme and Fatima Said of Somalia, Betty Adewole of Nigeria, Hereith Paul of Tanzania, Maria Borges and Roberta Narciso of Angola, Malaika Firth of Kenya, and Anai Mali of Chad have all made advances on the runway scene. But it doesn’t stop there. African designers are also starting to take the world by storm. Nigerian Deola Sagoe uses traditional prints and fabric in her designs, elevating African cloth with a modern twist. A stylistic trademark, Sagoe’s creations are often layered outfits. She has received nods of approval from the likes of Oprah and Will Smith. Folake Folarin Coker is another Nigerian designer and founder of the international brand Tiffany Amber. Coker’s cultural duality is visible in her designs. Twin sisters, Ayaan and Idyl Mohallim, hail from Somalia. Together they founded their brand Mataano (which means twins in Somali) and their debut collection launched in 2009 getting them an interview via Skype on Oprah. Since then, they’ve received attention from Vogue Italia, Essence Magazine, and CNN International. We’re rebuilding countries If you’re into architecture, you might have heard of Olajumoke Adenowo. This Motherland Mogul found herself at the University of Ife at just 14 years old, got her first architectural degree by 19, was working and designing her very first building by 23, and three years later endeavoured to start her own firm. Twenty years later, the 46 year old has worked on the design and construction of over 70 buildings. Her resume spans institutional buildings, estates, offices, auditoriums, and homes. Adenowo’s firm, AD Consulting Limited is internationally known and she even has her own radio show dedicated to mentoring women. One of the most successful Nigerian architects, Adenowo continues to rebuild Nigeria’s landscape with her vision. We run countries now As of June 2015, the Motherland has had four female heads of state. Dr. Ameenah Gurib-Fakim, a biodiversity scientist, was sworn in as the 6th president of the island nation of Mauritius. Dr. Gurib-Fakim now joins the ranks of Joyce Banda of Malawi (2012-14), Catherine Samba-Panza of Central African Republic (2014-), and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf or “Ma Ellen” of Liberia (2006-). Banda became president of Malawi after the death of its then president Bingu wa Mutharika. During her presidency, Banda sold the presidential jet to feed over 1 million people starving from food shortages. As an interim president, Samba-Panza was selected to govern her country during a nearly year-long power struggle between Christians and Muslims that has displaced about a quarter of the population. Sirleaf, the first elected African female head of state and an inspiration to Samba-Panza, inherited a post-conflict Liberia. Her efforts to rebuild the country and her advocacy for women’s rights made her one of the three people to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 2011. What about you? What makes you a part of #TheAfricaTheMediaNeverShowsYou?
How to be a badass? 5 Epic lessons from our favourite TV Moguls and their creator Shonda!
Unless you have been living under a rock, or generally lack interest in everything pop culture related, you’ll have seen or heard about one of these shows: Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, Private Practice or How to Get away with murder. The brain behind all of these television gems is Shonda Rhimes, the most powerful woman in television. She’s the first African American woman to run three consecutive shows on television’s most expensive real estate: Thursday night. More than being an incredible writer, Shonda is also an example of what it means to be a badass leader and how to turn your dreams and aspirations into reality. She wrote a book recently called ‘Year of Yes’ and it is not only incredibly moving and hilarious. It also teaches many lessons about getting to the top in your respective field. Here are 5 lessons from Shonda and her incredibly written female lead characters: Annalise, Olivia and Meredith. Annalise Keating – Think on your feet For those who follow HTGAWM (How to get away with murder), if there’s one thing we can learn from Annalise it is the ability to think on your feet. She is the fast-talking attorney on the show and is quick to come up with arguments to defend her clients. She ultimately created the twisted story that let her students get away with the murder of her husband. Though a bit dirty and twisted, I still think there is a lesson here. In whatever field you are in, immerse yourself in it, so that you can draw from different aspects when you need to. Annalise knows the LAW. Therefore, she knows how to get around it and make it work for her. You want to be an entrepreneur, but do you know the rules of the game? When you find yourself in a difficult situation, it’ll be those moments you had invested in knowing your craft that will get you through. Do the work, and when you do, be better than Annalise, and use it for good. Olivia Pope – He is not the sun, you are Arguably one of the most drawn out love stories in television history took a turn for the crazy when Olivia moved into the white house to be Fitz’s girlfriend. For those of you who don’t understand why this broke all of our hearts, it would be the equivalent of President Clinton moving Monica Lewinsky into the White House as his girlfriend at the height of the scandal. Yes, it was that crazy. Although there is no doubt that Olivia loved Fitz, what became clear as she lived out the role of First Lady was that it was not who she was and she had the courage to do what she knew she had to: end it and move out. The truth is, sometimes love is not enough. Your life goals need to be aligned with your partners, otherwise you will be betraying yourself. He is not the sun, you are! We need to internalise this to be the Motherland Moguls we can be. There will be times when you will have to make sacrifices, but you should never have to sacrifice yourself. Remember that .ladies, and choose wisely. (Preferably not a married president like Olivia. Let’s try to keep it drama-free.) Meredith Grey – It takes a Village The saying ‘no man is an island’ has taken on new meaning as I have spent the past 11 seasons watching Meredith Grey go through all sorts of heart shattering life events in Grey’s Anatomy. Most recently (spoiler alert), she gets attacked by a patient and loses her hearing and her ability to move for weeks. She has 3 small kids! How will she survive? The answer is simple: she has a village of people who will do whatever it takes to look after her. As I wiped my tears watching all of her friends step up to look after her and her family, I was reminded of how she did the same for each and every one of them at a different time. It makes sense. We cannot rise to the top alone, we need to realise that the people around us have a serious effect on our ability to reach our goals. Get your immediate circle right. And the best way to do that is to be the type of friend you wish you had. This will heavily pay off in the future. Life is full of uncertainties and we cannot control what will happen. All we can do is put ourselves in the best position possible to deal with whatever life throws at us, and a huge part of that is the people you can call on no matter the situation. Do you have those people? If not, are you that person to anyone? From creator, Shonda Rhimes – Dreaming is for losers This point for me was very difficult to internalise. I am a dreamer, it is in my blood. The phrase: ‘dream come true’ is featured on my blog over a gazillion times. Shonda as the badass leader that she is really burst my bubble on that one. The people who get things done are not the dreamers, they are the doers. Shonda explains: ‘I wanted to be Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. That was my dream. I dreamed and dreamed, and while I was dreaming, I living in my sisters basement (FYI dreamers always end up in a relative’s basement). I actually couldn’t be Toni Morrison because she already had that job and wasn’t planning on giving it up! One day I read an article that said it was harder to get into USC film school than Harvard business school. I could carry on dreaming or I could do. At film school, I discovered an entirely new way of telling stories… a way that flipped this switch in my brain. Years later, I had dinner with Toni Morrison. All she wanted to talk about was Grey’s anatomy. That
5 ways to out-hustle the competition like African market women
African women are naturally inventive, creative, and entrepreneurial – we aren’t the idle type. We work with our hands, minds, and wits. We find things we’re good at —even if it’s just a hobby. If you’ve been to Makola market, in Ghana, you’ve seen the endless rows of stalls, tables, kiosks and booths of market women selling everything from baby diapers to tomatoes. There are usually rows of women selling the exact same thing within yards of each other. It struck me how they made a reasonable living selling goods and produce in a market that’s saturated with other merchants selling the same things. Rather than dwell on the mysteries of Makola, I saw the poetry in their ways and learned a few lessons about business and life from these hardworking women. 1. Auntie Yaa shows up every single day Auntie Yaa knows she has severe competition, after all, there’s nothing new under the sun. But in a crowded marketplace, victory goes to the person dedicated enough to show up every single day. For many market women, like Auntie Yaa, that little stall of sundry provisions is all they have. Consistency is key. Their one chance of affording life’s bare necessities are contingent upon waking up earliest, showing up every day, and hustling like their lives depend on it. 2. Sisi Lola makes her presentation count Sisi Lola knows when it comes to drawing in customers, it’s all about presentation. In a crowded market, your brand presentation is everything! Make sure your brand is visually pleasing and effectively communicates your message, and not just the product or service you’re selling but yourself, too. Personal branding is very important in today’s global marketplace. The woman with the brightest Bubu, or the catchiest call, wins. 3. Learn to barter like Aminatta Aminatta knows the value of trading without money. Exchanging what you have or your services, for needed services from another, is a good way to get your business off the ground and build connections with other business women. Pay if you must, but barter if you can. 4. Mama Hajara keeps ‘em coming back with stellar customer service A market is a busy place and everywhere, vendors are harping, buyers are haggling, and traffic is passing. Mama Hajara can bank on daily success because she keeps her customers coming back for superb customer service. She goes beyond pleasantries and makes each one of her customers feel like a good friend. She knows their names, the names of their children, she may even know where they live. She stays in business by encouraging loyalty through friendliness. There’s no better way to ensure customer loyalty than stellar customer service. 5. Auntie Gloria keeps a Tight grip on her money belt If there’s one thing you know about successful market women, it’s that they use knots in their cloth to manage their money. Being able to put your money in buckets allows you to see how much money is coming in and budget for continued business success. Auntie Gloria keeps separate knots for covering costs, profit, savings, and business reinvestment and growth. Being financially savvy about your business is key to being a successful entrepreneur. So Motherland Moguls, which hustle tactic can you start using to grow your business? Have any additional lessons to share?