11 Traits to have in your single years – while waiting for a life partner

The single years can be fun and productive, but in some societies, the stigma that arises when you start getting close to a certain age can become overwhelming.

Beyond that, how can you make your single years transformational and fruitful before settling down? Here are some tips to help you:

1. Give more than you receive

This is the best time to start practicing how to share. When you get married, you’ll have to share your life with your spouse and if you have always felt that people were invading your space, this is the best time to start practicing.

Smile more, show courtesy, give out some things that you don’t need and volunteer with your time.

2. Start working on things that challenge your self-worth

Do you have issues with being confident? This is the best time to seek therapy on that. Do you feel you’re not tall or beautiful enough?

This is the best time to start seeing yourself in a positive light. Take time to evaluate what makes you feel less and start appreciating it.

In marriage, you wouldn’t want your spouse to be the source of your happiness because sometimes you’ll need to learn to enjoy your alone time. Nobody can complete you so start learning to love yourself.


3. Learn to manage your money

If you spend without a budget, plan or savings then you want to learn to manage your finance. You can start saving and investing now.

You can research on apps that allow you to save and invest and also learn more on business opportunities.

4. Learn to manage your home

If you can’t clean your space, then start owning your space well without the intention of your spouse arranging everything for you.

Learn to clean every corner of your house and practice good and healthy hygiene.

5. Be a praying person

Marriage has its own battles and you don’t want to go into marriage with an entitlement mentality.

You want to start praying for yourself, your spouse and children ahead. Learn to build a relationship with God in your single years so that you don’t build your world around your spouse alone.

6. This is time to work on your insecurities

There’re people who’ll get married and try to control or manipulate their spouse because of trust issues. This is time to stop projecting your fears on your partner.

Seek therapy and closure. It usually stems from your past experiences and it is better to seek for healing before you settle down.

7. Let go of pride

If you’ve pride issues, this is the time to start seeking professional help. Pride kills the beauty of marriage.

Don’t assume that your excesses will be managed. Pride comes before a fall.

8. Practice self-control

If you think marriage will help you to stop playing the field, that’s a mistake. Self-control is important because you won’t be having sex every day.

9. Start learning little act of commitment

Marriage works because of two committed people. Commitment should be practiced even when things are not going your way. It starts with your thoughts and decisions.

10. Travel to a new place

One of the beautiful things you can do in your single years is to go to new places and try new things. if you cannot afford to visit a different country, try traveling to another state to tour and meet new people.

11. Invest in your personal development

You should also use this period to read books, attend seminars and invest in yourself. I can’t emphasize this enough.

A lot of singles find it difficult to invest in their emotional life and it can be frustrating at the end of the day. Save yourself the stress of being hurt and clueless.

Learn and relearn. Learn about your personality type, your values, your deal-breaker, communication, love and apology languages, and so many other things.


Which of these do you want to start doing?

FACEBOOK LIVE: GIRL TALK WITH DR. FEYI AND SHE LEADS AFRICA (NOV 28)

What’s it like being a girl? There are a whole bunch of things women go through, our emotional and physical kit bags are always filled up and frankly, we all need a sister to talk to. It’s funny how we live in the century of the millennials where almost everyone is very open-minded but women are still embarrassed to talk about specific topics regarding their bodies, their sexuality and the female nature overall. Got some woman issues bottled up inside? Lighten up! We’re bringing you an opportunity to get all your questions answered. Join our girls exclusive Facebook LIVE with Dr. Feyi on Wed, 28th Nov @ 5pm WAT. It’s a deep-dive into everything! Click To Tweet Dr. Feyishara Kuku is an OB/GYN and marriage therapist who has several years of experience in dealing with women’s health and family therapy. Join us on Wednesday, 28th November, as we host a Facebook Live Chat with Dr. Feyisara Kuku, themed Girl talk with Dr. Feyi. It’s going to be a deep dive to all the things you’re probably shy to talk about.

Some of the topics we’ll cover

  • What you need to know about Breast Cancer
  • How to tackle Clinical & Social Depression
  • Let’s talk about Sex and STI’s
  • Before you say  “I do”… Girl, listen
Register below to access this opportunity and submit questions that you would like Dr. Feyi to answer.

Facebook Live Details:

Date: Wednesday, November 28th Time: GA, USA 12pm // Lagos 6pm // Johannesburg 7pm Where: facebook.com/sheleadsafrica/  
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About Feyishara

Feyishara Kuku is an OB/GYN, a marriage and family therapist and the Co-Founder of Sarthelpline. She’s also a mom and a Peace Activist. In her journey as a therapist, she has had the opportunity to work with high- achieving men, CEOs, baby boomers, college students, and affluent clients who are looking for a counseling experience that is tailored to their unique needs. She specializes in clinical issues as addictions, crisis, betrayal, trauma, faith-based issues, leadership development, stress management, maximizing productivity, divorce, finances, and career counseling.

Your boo, your woe

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You’ve heard it said that one of the most important career decisions you can make is the choice of a boo. Your bae could be a nightmare for your career goals, hence the need to choose wisely.

Unhealthy relationships can and will affect both your career and personal growth. As a matter of fact, it is an Achilles heel for some African career women. Yes, I just went there.

Get it right

From my point of view, everyone starts their day from the home front. And at the end of each work day, you also need to return there. That’s why it is important to be in the right place to avoid tales of woe.

We’ve all had that classmate or colleague who was such a bright star with the prospect of making the headlines someday. The person voted most likely to succeed that somehow lost track. The one that the rumour mill says stopped working because she was making more than her husband.

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It’s bad enough that societal pressures make the absence of a relationship seem life-threatening. However you should never be in a relationship that trivializes your dreams, goals or hustle.

Love actually matters

And hey, I’m not asking that you believe the narrative that love doesn’t matter. Of course, it does matter. A loving relationship is the best foundation for reaching new heights. The right boo is a great asset and we want our Motherland Moguls to ace life in all spheres.

 

Just imagine having a “global” vision and being unduly yoked with a partner with a “local” mindset? Even the Bible says, two cannot go together except they agree.

We need boo to support your hustle

It’s been said that if you stand for nothing, you would fall for anything. Therefore, it’s important to understand yourself: your persona, temperament, beliefs and goals. Knowing who you are and what you want out of life will help you navigate the relationship waters.

So your boo has money but belittles your dreams and talks down on you, what are you waiting for?

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On your entrepreneurial journey, there would be times of trials, tears, joys, victories and growth. You’ll need your ‘A team’ to be on point. A bae to encourage, motivate and cheer you on, not demean or be envious of you.

See what I mean?

You’ve got to hand it to the Obama’s, they give us awesome couple goals. They didn’t get here overnight but we have now seen a true picture of how a great relationship can make or mar your career.

With this in mind Motherland Moguls, next time you’re on operation seize the bae remember to, as we say in Nigeria, “shine your eyes”.

What Jhene Aiko showed us about divorce in Nigeria

Remember the not-so-shocking end of Jhene Aiko’s marriage to her Nigerian husband, DotdaGenius? It really brought to the forefront how most Nigerians view divorce.

The lessons to learn from this bitter and public divorce are numerous. Let’s look at what not to do when a relationship goes sour.

Don’t ever feel the need to air your dirty laundry in public

For absurd reasons like getting “support”, even if it’s from outsiders, people tend to share more than they should.  Jhene Aiko sort of did this on social media after the divorce news broke.

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Rather than do this, how about settling the rift(s) with the other party without the prying eyes of people who may not really care?

Especially as we all agree that there’s some sanctity to marriage. Your value kind of diminishes when you give third parties undue vested interests in your business.

Infidelity

Being in an unhappy marriage is better imagined, especially when a partner is cheating.

But cheating to get back at the spouse is never the best solution to an already terrible situation.

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Playing the two-can-play-the-game revenge tactic is never the way to go. Rather than cheat, please girl, opt out!

Fear

Nigerian women have this inexplicable fear of divorce. This may have been fueled by the myth that kids from “broken homes” don’t make good homes themselves. Unfortunately, there is still a never-ending stigma associated with divorce.

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How some people react when they hear “divorce”

Nigerians have a way of labeling divorcees (especially women) as rude and not submissive. It’s always the woman’s fault.

Making women feel this way because a marriage didn’t work, has made a lot of women stay in unhappy relationships “for the kids”. No one wants to be stereotyped unfairly.

Starting over

Marriage offers some form of validation for women in Nigeria, and maybe even other parts of Africa. It is believed that irrespective of what a woman achieves, she is nothing without a man.

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Owing to these beliefs, even otherwise strong women would rather stay in a loveless marriage while enduring being treated badly or even cheated on.

In conclusion, Nigerian women need to realise that a divorce can never be the end of one’s life. Everyone is entitled to a new beginning and even after a divorce, there’s still hope.

There you have it, ladies, it’s time to have a fresh outlook on love and relationships, and  marriage.