BREAKUPS AT WORK: MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS AND STAY EFFECTIVE
Ever had to go to work after being dumped or signing your divorce papers. It sucks! You have no time to be in your feelings or listen to songs that help you cry because you still have to do your job. The worst part is that the world carries on as if your heart hasn’t just been broken! Since you can’t use up your sick days to nurse your broken heart, how do you resume work and stay focused? I’m Nike Folagbade, a life coach and therapist who has helped many broken hearts mend and even survived my own heartbreak. Here are some tips you can use to heal and not lose your job after a breakup: Don’t deny your pain This is the first place to start. Don’t try to drink, eat or curse away your pain. Accept that it has happened but you will get through it. This will help you to process the experience better. It is okay to cry, so hold a lot of tissue and excuse yourself to have private grieving moments. Change your perception This is not the time to wallow in past mistakes. Don’t dwell on blaming yourself or your ex. Focus on having a healthy outlook. If your ex is at fault, accept that you can’t change them. If you bear some of the responsibility, focus on forgiving yourself and moving on. Take your lessons and focus on building stronger relationships in the future. Stay in a circle of positive and funny people When you are in the office, pay attention to other colleagues who make you smile and help you forget your break up. Spend some time with them during your break time and laugh away your pain by getting involved. Find someone you feel safe with to talk to Silence never helped anyone. When you need to let things out, speak to a mature friend around you or over the phone. You can also connect quickly with a therapist online, prioritising your mental health is self love. If you are not ready to talk about it, let your manager know you are going through something personal. Watch something funny between your breaks It’s very tempting to immerse yourself in sadness after a breakup. However, continued misery will not give you the energy you need to be effective at work. Higher dopamine levels have been associated with happiness. Spend a few minutes in the office watching a funny skit on your phone. Laughing helps increase your dopamine levels which will boost your mood and energy for work Write down your thoughts Whether you keep a journal, use a notepad or app on your phone, write down your thoughts. Having an outlet for your emotions is an important part of healing that will help you quickly deal and keep you focused on reaching your goals. Ultimately, you have to believe that there’s a better future, give yourself some time to heal gradually. While you might feel that the hurt will last forever, it won’t. Focus on building a future that is brighter, get some rest and engage in activities that make you feel alive again.
MUST-READ: 6 Things To Start Doing For Yourself In 2020
When you look back on 2019, what comes to your mind? Do you focus on the pains, regrets, and mistakes you made or do you concentrate on the strength you gained and all the blessings that came your way? Since this is the beginning of a new decade, here’s a positive to-do list for the year ahead. With 2020 now in full swing, keep doing these 6 things for yourself: 1. Embrace your humanness and give yourself more credit Human is the only real label you’re born with. However, it’s easy to get so focused on what others tell you that you forget how far you’ve come and what you’ve managed. Give yourself some credit and appreciate all that you are. 2. Make your happiness a priority Just in case you’ve forgotten, you matter A LOT. Your needs matter too! If you fail to put your needs first or look out for yourself, you hurt yourself more than you can ever imagine. 3. Enter new relationships for the right reasons Every relationship whether romantic, business or friendship has a purpose. Focus on starting relationships with dependable and honest people – people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. 4. Forgive yourself and others Ever heard, forgiveness is not for the other person but for yourself? Stop rehashing old wounds and reliving the pain of the past, but forgive yourself and let go of the pain. 5. Build up your confidence It’s never too late to chase after your dreams. Don’t think you’re left behind; start from where you are and work your way up towards where you want to go. Every day and step is necessary. 6. Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts You can’t do the same thing and expect change. Be mindful of what you spend your time on and focus on what really matters. Want to invest in yourself? Join the Motherland Mogul Insider – an 8-week online program to help you grow your network and reach your professional goals.
On loving you: 5 powerful videos on self-love to begin the year with
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the universe, deserve your love and affection.”- Buddha Loving oneself is one of the most profound and yet also most difficult things to accomplish- it takes practice, patience, unlearning old ways of being and forming a new understanding of who you are as a person. This is a journey I have personally been on for the longest time, I still find the need to remind myself to practice self-love even after reading and listening to tons of material on it. The truth is that practicing self-love is a lot like practicing good hygiene- it must become a daily ritual. For those new to this incredible journey or for those looking for a slight reminder of what it means to love oneself, here are a few TEDx talks to inspire you, to love you. Caroline McHugh: The art of being yourself The message from Caroline in this talk is simple; your individuality is your greatest gift. You weren’t put on earth to be a cheap imitation of anyone else, you were put here simply to be yourself. Caira Lee: I search for it blinded – the power of self-love and self-esteem In this TEDx talk, Caira Lee, an award-winning slam poet uses her gift teach us about the power of self-love through her own personal story. Marisa Peer: “I’m not enough” – The biggest disease affecting humanity In this talk, Marisa Peer opens our eyes to the powerful connection that exists between thoughts about ourselves, our health, wealth and quality of life. You are enough. Pretty enough, intelligent enough, talented enough, strong enough, courageous enough… You are enough. Searching for love to escape ourselves Hayley Quinn This wonderful talk by Hayley Quinn helps us realize that romantic love and the pursuit of it can be a form or escapism, simply an excuse not to deal with the real issues we have with ourselves. Niko Everett: Meet yourself: A user’s guide to building self “You need to meet yourself. If you could meet yourself, you might really like her!” Allow me to finish this article off with a radical thought from one of my favorite books, “The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz”- In this book, the author uses the analogy of a magical kitchen to illustrate the importance of self-love. He compares self-love to having a magical kitchen inside of us, if you had a magical kitchen in which you could produce all the most delicious meals you can think of, you’d never starve but most importantly, you’d never allow anyone to dictate to your being you while using food as the reward. No one would come and offer you food in exchange for control over your life, your habits, and your decisions. However, if the situation were reversed, and you had no food, you’d allow anyone and everyone to control everything about your life. This is the same with self-love; when you have a deep love and respect for yourself, you won’t let others control you, use you or even abuse you. A person might come offering love in exchange for control but you won’t let them in. “But what is going to happen if you are starving for love, if you don’t have that love in your heart, and someone comes and says, “You want a little love? You can have my love if you just do what I want you to do.” If you are starving for love, and you taste that love, you are going to do whatever you can for that love. You can even be so needy that you give your whole soul just for a little attention. Your heart is like that magical kitchen. If you open your heart, you already have all the love you need. There’s no need to go around the world begging for love: “Please, someone love me. I’m so lonely, I’m not good enough for love; I need someone to love me, to prove that I’m worthy of love.”- A mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Interested in contributing for She Leads Africa? Click here.
More than business: Having a life outside the office
[bctt tweet=”How do you keep your life in check when it feels like work is the only life you know?” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Work can be overwhelming especially if you work long hours. It takes a lot to get up in the morning and when you get home, you drag yourself to bed. So how do you keep your life in check when it feels like work is the only life you know? It is so important to have an active life outside of work as our lives outside the office do effect our careers. All our facets of life are intertwined and it is important to make sure that we do things outside of work continue to bring positivity into our lives. Be organized After a long day at work you don’t want to go home to have to clean, do errands or go shopping. You just want to get home and relax. Being organised definitely makes life easier. One of the best ways to stay organised and to monitor and track your activities is to use a bullet journal. Setting aside a particular day to do your weekly grocery shopping and housecleaning take away the stresses of having to run around during the week worrying about small things. Leave work at the office It is important to distance your work life from home life. This means you have to be as efficient as you can be at work so you aren’t tempted or required to take any work home. If you have to work from home, then try make sure that you work until a certain time and then take a break. That way you create an area that’s just for you that isn’t filled with the stresses of work. Make your home a place you won’t dread to come back to after a long day. [bctt tweet=”Perfect the art of keeping your work life and your home life far apart” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Keep motivated At the start of the year create a vision board setting out what you would love to see yourself achieve in the year. It may be planning for a girl’s trip away or setting career goals. Vision boards are a great way to stay inspired because you are reminded of what you want when you see it. Keeping a coin jar can help you have something to look forward to such as a trip or those shoes that you wanted for the longest time. Empty your handbag at the end of each day and whatever change you have in there put it in your coin jar and you can add up and you have something to look forward to. We all need a creative outlet to stay vitalised and motivated in life and at work. One of the best ways to spend your time could be to take get active or pick up a new hobby. This give you something to look forward to outside of work. Be social A lot of people struggle with making friends outside work because they spend a lot of time at the office and just go home. So how do you build up your social life when you feel isolated? Get out of the house! If you are a sporty person join a gym and go to classes or find park runs where you could meet people with similar interests. Joining a book club can also be a great way to meet new people. Volunteering is also a great way to do something good with the potential to meet new people. Make time for friends and family if you live near them, even if it is just for a few hours. They will keep you sane. Treat yo’ self Make the most of your weekends! What you do in your spare time and the attitude you have will impact your overall character and attitude. You have to make time to make sure all the facets of your life are enriched especially keeping an active social life. Schedule self- love appointments even if it is only for an hour or two. Set aside time to reflect, journal, get a haircut or read a book. Spending a day or weekend with family or friends is very important for making sure you stay positive. Make time to do the things that make you happy. So set aside a day when you do exactly what you want. TREAT YO’ SELF!
Be good to yourself: The art of self-love
We were all born and celebrated as cute little bundles of joy. Then we blossom and the cuteness somewhat fades away. Then comes the bosses, colleagues, mates, boys, men, and friends. This is when the seed of self-love you’ve sowed is put to test. If you have learnt the art of self-love, then you will easily get through life. Loving yourself more is not being greedy, selfish or unfair. We are taught to be considerate and put others first but never how to love and prepare ourselves for the journey ahead. While you can be generous and kind, it shouldn’t be with a low self-esteem. Self-esteem, self-care, self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-empowerment, self-respect, self-compassion, self-expression and self-worth are characteristics that all women should have. Notice that these words all begin with “self”? We need to get over the fear of the unknown and understand our worth by simply practicing self-love. Self-love is not a one-time event but an endless, ongoing process. “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde Here, ladies, is what happens when you love yourself: You take ownership of your life and understand that it doesn’t matter what others think of you, but how you feel about yourself. You stop acting small and instead allow growth in. You let yourself live your purpose and see no need to compete, prove or compare yourself to others. Negotiations become easy because you know your value and will not settle for less. You accept your failures as learning curves and know your significance isn’t dependent on what you produce. You naturally attract peace and harmony in your day-to-day relationships. I’ve got some great self-love ideas for you. Honour and love yourself Think about what makes you happy and JUST DO IT! Put yourself first Act upon your own needs first, rather than on what others expect from you. Remember, other people’s needs are not your responsibility. Take care of yourself Exercise, eat healthy, pamper yourself and interact socially. Remember to treat your body like the temple it is and spend time doing things that enrich your soul. Set boundaries and maintain them Always let people know what you will and won’t tolerate. When you set boundaries, you avoid situations at work, in relationships, or in any activity that emotionally or physically damages you. Select the right friends Don’t waste time with people who won’t mind taking away your happiness. Spend more time with like-minded people or those that bring out the best in you. Do all it takes to be you Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear but figure out what makes you feel good, and do it as often as you can. Feeling good is all the permission you need to do what you love. Acknowledge your imperfect self Stop judging and criticizing yourself. You don’t always have to win. Remember, it’s the effort that counts, no matter the results. Engage in spirituality By doing this, you will just learn to naturally fall in love with yourself. Improve your skills Look for opportunities capable of increasing your self-confidence, like making time to focus on what you are good at. This will boost your self-confidence and esteem. Identify a go-to place Find a place you can sit and embrace life without anything getting in your way. Forget about work deadlines and bills that need your attention. Have a moment to connect with just yourself. These suggestions will help you to develop a sense of accomplishment and pride in what you do and who you are. You will realize that you are worthy and talented and deserve to be loved. When you start experiencing the power of self-love, trust me, the effect will be magical and everything will simply fall into place. Life can actually feel really good.