When was the last time that a song took you to church like this?

Or this?

For me, it was yesterday.

The song? “Add To Me” by Ledisi.

I identified with this song on such a deep and personal level because, it perfectly outlines some of the thought patterns that I have as a #MotherlandMogul when it comes to dating and entering into relationships.

Like… I seriously considered playing it to the next nosey aunty to ask me why I’m not married yet.

Heck, it made such an impact that I was inspired to write a little ode to it! As such, here are 5 characteristics of Motherland Moguls, regarding relationships (as told through Ledisi’s “Add To Me” lyrics). I’m sure you, as a member of the SLA community, will be able to identify with these too. So, without any further ado…

#1 They are self-sufficient


“I can be good on my own (can you add to me?)

 But I don’t want to be alone (can you add to me?)

Paying all my bills on my own (can you handle me?)”

As these lyrics show, Motherland Moguls are the epitome of the old adage “she wants you but she doesn’t need you” because they are independent and able to cope with or without a man in their lives. To summarise the late, great Dr. Myles Munroe, this is because they understand that singleness is not the same as incompleteness. Understanding this, Motherland Moguls can, indeed, “be good on [their] own”.


#2 They prioritise their needs and practice self-care

“I’ve been in a spiritual place; so when it gets hard I don’t break”

Boss women have worked hard to become [spiritually, mentally, financially] self-sufficient. They are not interested in being destroyed by the wrong choice of relationship. As such, they may actually elect to remain single in order to maintain their “good” status. They also recognise that if they:

  • Don’t have a healthy relationship with themselves, they will never be able to have a healthy relationship with another person.
  • Are not happy or fulfilled within themselves, nobody else will be able to draw these things out of them or place them inside.

In addition, they recognise that these qualities come from a strong relationship with God, as well as a positive intrapersonal relationship (relationship with themselves).


#3 They have goals

“Made a lot of money last year (can you handle me?)

Plan to make more this year (can you handle me?)”

Not only have they worked hard to become the person that they are now, they have clear goals for the future. Boss ladies are not stagnant ladies; so they don’t want to be with anybody who is going to stand in the way of their progress or the fulfilment of their goals. They want someone who truly has their best interests at heart and is not a distraction because, as Cindy Trimm once said:

“Everything in your life rises and falls on a relationship. If you have the wrong relationships, you are going to end up in the wrong place” and vice versa.

This means that positive relationships can advance us and move us forward , whereas negative relationships can stagnate us and cause us to regress. Bosses understand and apply this wisdom, knowing that the person that they are with can determine whether they get to their destiny or not.


#4 They are not easily impressed

“Took a lot now you’ve got my attention…

But I’m the type that needs a little more”


Because Motherland Moguls are so self-sufficient and focused on building their empires, they are not easily wooed or impressed. With all that they want to accomplish, they also don’t have time for games.

This may earn them the reputation of being “cold,” “too picky” or even “a man hater” but,  that’s not the case at all. They simply are not looking for a savior or to be in a relationship for relationship’s sake.


#5 They are looking for a partner

“But you got to have it all together (can you add to me?)

So we can be stronger together (can you add to me?)”


One of my favourite personal development books is “The Wisdom of Andrew Carnegie” by Napoleon Hill. In it, Carnegie advised that two of the steps to major achievement are: definiteness of purpose (a goal) and choosing a master mind team so that those in it can experience the benefits of synergy.

This, in a nutshell, means that when two (or more) individuals unite and join forces in order to achieve a given purpose, they will be able to produce something that is exponentially greater than they ever could have done by themselves.

Most people tend to understand this concept of “teamwork making the dream work” from a business point of view, but what sets #MotherlandMoguls apart is that they are also seeking this in their romantic relationships. As Ledisi quite rightly put it- they want someone in their life who they can build with; who can and will “add to [them]” and who they can add to in return.

What other #MotherlandMogul characteristic’s would you add to this list?

Let us know here.

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