Dr. Zainab Shinkafi-Bagudu: Achieving health and wellness in your 20s & 30s
It wasn’t all business and career talks at She Hive Abuja 2016. Motherland Moguls were treated to a presentation by Dr. Zainab Shinkafi-Bagudu on achieving health and wellness in their twenties and thirties. She is a paediatric consultant, Founder of Medicaid Cancer Foundation and CEO of Medicaid Radio Diagnostics. Dr. Bagudu is also the First Lady of Kebbi State and a mother of two beautiful girls. She shared some insights particularly on her work with cancer. We created a list of some of our highlights from the discussion: • “It is essential to look after yourself. In my career, I have found it is easier to spot those who have versus those who haven’t.” • “Breastfeeding is one of the biggest protective factors against breast cancer. It is also best to space out your children.” Whilst, she acknowledged that sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t work out for mother and baby, it is best to try as much as possible due to its several advantages. • “We’re gradually losing our natural immunity due to poor diet compared with past generations.” She blamed our reliance on red meat and processed foods as well as a higher intake of antibiotics as principal causes of more health issues today than our grandparents experienced. • “It is the seeds that you sow early on that will carry you to term.” • “Self-examination of the breasts should be carried out regularly to detect anything usual.” In addition, she expressed that ultrasounds can help pick up abnormal cells but mammograms may be a more ideal test as a woman progresses into her mid thirties and forties. • “Early period onset and late menopause may often be indicators of abnormality and such women may have a higher risk of developing breast cancer.” • “Every sexually active woman should routinely get a pap smear done because there is a higher risk of contacting HPV which causes cervical cancer.” As an advocate against cancer, Dr. Bagudu encourages young women to invest in the HPV vaccine. Although she and other health advocates are working with the government to make the vaccine more cost-effective, she described it as a worthwhile investment. • “Early marriage is a hindrance not only to education but also a big contributor to certain health issues.” Participants went home with new knowledge and the discounted screenings offered to the She Hivers at her diagnostics services didn’t hurt one bit either. Who are we kidding? The ladies were all for it! Dr. Bagudu concluded the segment by making reference to game-changers such as Bill Gates and Olusegun Obasanjo, and charging young women to be outliers. She encouraged them to differ from the norm by having a dogged approach to life and work. Black Bill Gates, anyone? Catch her TEDx talk titled ‘Outlier, paradigm shift and cancer‘.
Are family meal times important?
Food! There’s just something about it that fosters camaraderie, you know. Introduce food to any gathering or meeting and it automatically brings on a more relaxed atmosphere. We all know that food is essential, but are family meal times all-important as we make them out to be? Family meal time is a time when members of the family sit together to share a meal. It’s not when one member sits in from of the TV gulping the meal down, while another takes a tray to the front of the computer. The meal is done together in the same place and at the same time [more often than not at the table]. While I was growing up, meal times were a big deal in my family. We all sat at table for family meal times and I can say I loved it a lot. Fast forward to these days, so many families hardly get to sit together for any activity, meal times are automatically also affected. Eat together? I am way too busy to get that together! What with everyone trying to juggle between all manner of activities. Getting food down is often enough most times, don’t just bother with trying to get everyone together. Are family meal times so important? I will want to say they are. There are far greater reasons to do it than not to do it: Bonding time: With the fast paced society we find ourselves now, there has never been a better time to eat together as a family than now. We need to regularly find time to slow down as a family. What better way to do that than to spend time together. Meal times offer this opportunity, both for slowing down and for spending time together to bond as a family. If families could commit to eating together on a regular basis, that will help to create time that can be spent together as a family. Time to reinforce good table manners: Nothing beats teaching anything practically. Telling kids how to behave around the dinner table without showing or modeling it to them may not be so effective. Family meal times will serve as a time to reinforce those good manners to children. They can learn by watching older siblings or parents to know what kind of behavior is acceptable. Forming healthy eating habits: Kids would prefer junk food most times over healthy meals. When a family plans family meal times together, you are not likely to go to such lengths to provide junk food for the family. It will usually be a healthy home cooked meal. Even if it is not home-cooked, it will be healthy food that will be offered. When kids are offered this option of healthy eating often enough, this becomes a part of them and they learn to choose good meals over junk food as they grow older. Tips For making family meal times happen Be deliberate about it: Coming to the realization that family meal time is awesome is not enough. You need to particularly make it happen. There will never be a good time or a less busy time than you have right now. That is why if you are not deliberate about it, it will not happen. Find the best time: The best time does not necessarily mean the time that’s convenient for all. It simply means that time when most family members can accommodate. It could be a morning, afternoon or evening thing. You could decide on Thursday Dinner, Saturday breakfast, Sunday Brunch. It all depends on your family dynamics. Get everyone involved: If you have older children, you definitely need to let them be a part of the decision on when meal times will happen. With school demands and all, they will need time to plan and maybe reschedule a few things to make the meal time happen. Involving everyone also gives them a sense of ownership and they can feel as though it’s a common goal the family needs to stay committed to. Make it a time to look forward to: Don’t let meal times be a draaaagggg or a court session where you are drilling your kids about issues. Don’t let it be a time of tension and too many rules. Make it fun, engaging and something for them to look forward to. You could decide on something fun after the meal that will help to keep interest alive. Have a movie night for instance if it’s Friday dinner. It’s really up to you to come up with some creative ideas to make it fun. I feel the pain of the person who may need to clear the dishes or wash up after these meal times. Sometimes, that’s the reason some moms shy away from the idea of having everyone eat together. If you’re doing a proper table setting, it automatically translates to more dishes to wash. This is why you need everyone on board. Get everyone to pitch in. You can rotate duties weekly so no one feels over burdened. After all, there’s no point feeling miserable over what is supposed to give you joy. Just do what you can to make regular meal times happen. You’ll see that your family will come to appreciate the good it will bring. What about you? Do you think family meal times are that important? Do you have regular meal times in your family? I’d love to hear from you.
Covert Allies: A tale of Nigeria’s secret feminists
As a Nigerian woman, I have a lot of things on my mind. Things such as the disappointment about the Nigerian Senate recently not passing the Gender Discrimination Bill. Or the daily panic that there would be a power cut as I’m putting on my makeup and getting ready for work. My mind is full. I now have to add the pressure of saying the words ‘I am a feminist‘ into the mix. The words are easy for me to utter, but often heavy for others to accept. The reactions are often disdain from a lot of men and suspicion from a lot of women. This surprises me greatly. What’s really wrong with demanding gender equality? It is surprising because to me, it is very evident that we Nigerians are all feminists – whether obvious or covert. Take, for instance, the working mum who says that feminists are unhappy spinsters who are angry with the world because they can not keep a man. This working mum is educated up to university level. She has a career where her salary is paid into her own bank account. She can post her thoughts on social media without her husband’s permission. She is a covert feminist, reaping the fruits of trailblazing feminists before her. But please, don’t let her know about it; that would spoil the secret. Actually, there are covert feminists! We definitely mustn’t forget the special variety of feminists which are the secret male feminists. They are often belligerent and patronizing to women who declare themselves to be feminists. Don’t you dare as a woman turn down the advances of the secret male feminist; he will ask you why you’re carrying this ‘feminist-thing’ on your head. His disdain for you would be oozing out of his pores. However, watch the secret male feminist talk with pride about his mother who worked several jobs against all odds to make sure that he got an education. Watch him puff out his chest when he announces that his wife has bagged a Masters Degree with distinction. Watch him talk with concern as he worries that the secondary school where his daughter is studying isn’t up to world-class standards, and therefore not allowing her to reach her full potential. Watch him talk with frustration about what to do his sister’s boss who sexually harasses her. Watch him look horrified when you call him a feminist. Who is then a feminist? To quote author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, ‘a feminist is a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes’. That’s it. Feminism is not a cult for angry women; it is a movement which simply suggests that men and women should be treated with equal respect, consideration and dignity. When this is fully understood, bills which would protect the right of a woman to inherit her husband’s property would be passed into law. When this is fully understood, secret feminists-male and female-would come out of the dark shadows cast by misconceptions, and stand tall for equality. It would be one less burden to have on my mind as a Nigerian woman.
7 inspirational websites you need to follow
The most beautiful thing about being a young professional or career woman today is that your knowledge isn’t limited to what you can find in your neighbourhood or community. The digital world allows you to connect with experts and information from across the globe. Whatever issue you think you might have, there are probably 100 or so websites that can help you solve your problem. While there are over a too websites we love, here are 7 of our favourites that help us stay informed, motivated and ready for whatever life throws at us. 1. Smart Money Africa The Smart Money Movement is championed by financial guru Arese Ugwu. Her website provides a platform for young people to learn to manage their finances better by knowing their net worth and prioritizing the accumulation of assets over frivolous spending. In other words, being smart about your money. Keep an eye out for the blog, the Smart Money Workshops and the Smart Money Journal. They will literally change your life. You’re welcome. 2. Minding Her Business Young? Ambitious? Fabulous? Ready to move to the next level of all-round wellness? Then you need to be minding her business. Starting out as a series of motivational quotes on social media, MHB evolved into a practical guide for the modern woman in the form of an e-book covering financial success, self-confidence, love and relationships. Navigate the site to get inspired by Ivy’s story, keep afloat with the blog and to get acquainted with the book. 3. Ms Afropolitan If you’re searching for a space to address your feminist woes and reaffirm your womanhood in the African context, then this is your destination. Through its blog articles, this website dissects topical issues such as colonialism, race, politics and what it’s like living in Diaspora. It offers strong, powerful, relevant messages for women of colour. 4. Haute Fashion Africa Haute Fashion Africa is basically the fashion portfolio for the modern African woman. This website is on top of all that’s happening in the African fashion stratosphere. We’re talking all the fashion trends, the major fashion shows in different African cities, profiles on designers, stylists and models. 5. Food and the Fabulous This lifestyle website showcases cuisine and culture from all over the continent and the rest of the world. Award-winning South African journalist, Ishay Govender-Ypma takes you on a journey with the Food and the Fabulous Food tours introducing you to Cape Town’s mouth-watering dishes. Many of these recipes are available for you to try out. You can also gain travel inspiration and take a dig at current issues. 6. Travel Africa Story Sure you’ve heard the saying that one’s education is incomplete without the experience of travel. This inspirational site features travel experiences and highlights amazing travel destinations from across Africa. If you need ideas for your next vacation, check out ‘Travel Tips & Trips’. With several helpful articles and feature stories on travel etiquette and fun things to do on your trip, it’s an amazing travel guide. The best part? You have the opportunity to tell your own travel story and get featured on the site. 7. She Leads Africa (duh!) Did you think we were going to leave this out of the list? Think again. SLA is arguably the #1 go-to website for young African females with a focus on getting started or improving their careers and business. It’s a resource pool packed with power articles and insight from the co-founders and diverse team of editors and contributors. It also features practical tips and advice, webinars, access to career coaches and more. The SheHive events which bring together the SLA community and industry leaders are hosted in various cities around the world. Motherland Moguls, let’s get surfing! Share with us what some of your favorite websites are to check out. Besides us of course 😉
Isn’t it time we stopped following the rules?
When I began doing business and the chase for clients began, I think I probably felt every emotion there was to feel sometimes all at once. The need to maintain customers, rules of the business world, the attempts at adjusting or learning to adjust to the demands of each customer and even getting used to the word “customer” or “client’ and the wonder and satisfaction that I too had something like that. One day, a friend who also runs a business showed me a picture online that said “power of feminism” and another that said “I’m a strong, independent woman. I have a mind of my own”. I nodded in approval and said I was going to use it as my Whatsapp profile picture and she agreed distractedly but when I suggested she do the same, she gave me a very alarmed look saying; “Ah! Noooo! One has to be very careful in business, don’t forget my clients are also on Whatsapp, many of them are men and I might lose them”. I was instantly reminded of medieval women. Not just in Africa but in Greece and Rome too, I remember reading that women who worked were looked down on as the lowliest of women and were not allowed to earn more than a particular amount. Women could own anything including land but had no authority to give them away or sell them; even their dowry was not essentially theirs, it belonged to their husbands and in the event that the husband died it belonged to the son and in the event that there was no son, it belonged to the next male in the family. They had no inheritance, only dowry. Inheritance was for the sons and if there were no sons, fathers arranged to adopt one or arranged for a potential son-in-law to agree to adoption and drop all former familial ties. If the father made no such arrangements before dying then the daughter became an heiress and any man was free to make a bid and marry her. If she was already married, any man strong enough could force her to divorce her husband and marry him. The basic goal was for the woman to not be in charge of any wealth. I read that the famous Plato suggested that dowry be removed to “curb the arrogance of women” and some said that women could not act independently because of what was described as ‘lightness of the mind’. They had to be modest and restrained and possess a certain kind of sense of honour prescribed for them by society. What struck me though was reading that women had the choice to break out of such oppression —at a cost, yes— but they had the choice. They could have made a collective agreement with a firm mind assured in its own belief or they could have buoyed each other to action…but it never happened that way. It was always one woman springing up separately after the other. I sensed an age-old lack of assertion. Once I visited a potential sponsor for a project in the works and we began conversing in the way of two strangers attempting to build a bridge of familiarity. There was a patronizing superiority in the air as soon he began to talk about career women and what they really should be doing —not career. After minutes of hmms and head-shakes in an accommodating manner, I knew I didn’t agree. I didn’t agree at all…and I wanted to say exactly that. Then I remembered my friend from the other day and knew I could possibly be treading a risky path but after another couple of minutes, I took a good look at my company… This person who saw the importance of the matter at hand but didn’t quite take me seriously so found a way to veer off it into domestic topic, who did not know me but brazenly advised that instead of web design, I should have gone into food business because it was more suited for women, who even more brazenly asked how much I was being paid, who casually asked if I ever consulted a career counsellor. So I spilled. Smiling. I disagreed nicely. It suffices to say I didn’t get that sponsor. I wondered what would have happened if I had frowned… The need for the choice of bold assertion especially for women goes beyond the office, it encompasses every sphere of life because so far it’s been particularly tough for the female folk. What wins in the battle between our cautious conservative side and our radical side? When do we truly understand that although we might not be able to fly always, we’re certainly not as restricted as we fear or as we are told? With the times changing, it still seems as though many women persistently —some knowingly— kowtow to the past and the stubborn insistence of many to hold on to its traditions. We have reached several turning points but how many of us have really chosen to turn? What do I think? It’s simple. Put your resources together and construct a new platform that makes you proud. Follow an inspired feeling not a rule book. Society has never really known what women needed, what they are truly. The phrase “inner queen” may sound cliché but it is truth and we need to push it forward and assert our right to exist and be free in truth —not the existence and freedom grudgingly meted out by society. Stop the subdued success act! Be especially articulate about ideas, needs and desires And if it causes some drama? Don’t be afraid. Sometimes we need a little drama to motivate us to make changes and improvements to our lives
Top 10 best black girl magic moments of getting ‘WANDA’ in formation
Earlier this month, I had the distinct pleasure of attending the launch of WANDA, a newly established nonprofit organization educating, empowering and advocating for women and girls of African decent to become leaders in the fields of nutrition, dietetics and agriculture. The launch, which took place on March 5th was held in honor of International Women’s Day and as such, featured a panel of innovative and groundbreaking social entrepreneurs in industries ranging from beauty and cosmetics, to television and entertainment. WANDA Founder, Tambra Raye Stevenson, groundbreaking in her own right as a National Geographic Traveler of the Year and founder of the DC-based NativSol Kitchen, describes WANDA (Women Advancing Nutrition, Dietetics, and Agriculture) as an initiative bringing together “sisters of the soil” to encourage all women, young and old, to lead in advancing the fields of nutrition and agriculture. “Women and girls are at the heart of transforming our communities through preserving our foodways, building vibrant economies and healthy communities,” she said. WANDA will also be launched in Abuja, Nigeria in May. As a Ghanaian-American woman just beginning her journey into the fields of agriculture and nutrition, I find WANDA’s mission intriguing. The organization promotes itself as a Pan-African initiative, which is hugely significant to me at this point in my career. Though most of my professional experience falls within the realm of international development, a heightened social awareness of racial injustice in the United States, underscored by the growth of the “Black Lives Matter” movement, has compelled me to offer whatever service I can to ensuring a healthy future for Africans AND African-Americans alike. Having shared this passion with colleagues and advisors, I have been told that I cannot have a successful career straddling both sides of the Atlantic – I would have to choose. The launch of this organization confirmed that I am not alone in my desire to protect and promote health throughout the African Diaspora. And for me WANDA is blazing a trail where there had been none before. If you missed the launch, check out my top 10 black girl magic moments that continue to resonate with me. 1. Getting in formation Inspired by the song that launched many a think piece, WANDA flexed its impressive marketing and social media muscle by borrowing from Beyonce’s celebrated and controversial song, “Formation” for the title of their event. Dubbing the launch, “Black Women Getting in Formation: Power of Media and the Arts to Advance Nutrition and Agricultural Advocacy,” WANDA brought attention to the convening power of a song some have identified as a call to arms for black women. In a recent interview with Black Enterprise, Stevenson shared that WANDA’s version of “getting in formation” means encouraging women and girls to pursue education and leadership roles in health and agriculture. For me, gathering under the backdrop of “Formation” and a national conversation about self-love and unapologetic blackness brought a palpable sense of pride and purpose to the launch. It was an environment that allowed participants to celebrate each others accomplishments, relate to each others struggles and commit to partnerships moving forward. A moment that stayed with me, however, was when panelist and WANDA honoree Rahama Wright, CEO of Shea Yeleen International reminded attendees that countless unnamed and unknown women have always and are still doing the work only recently championed by Beyonce. Way before the Super Bowl performance that stunned America, black women worked together to achieve success and independence. This moment from Wright reminded me that despite Beyonce’s undeniable contributions to the movement, the real heroes in the quest for justice and equality are in our midst and should not be overlooked. 2. Celebrating excellence in entrepreneurship Speaking of celebrating the heroes in our midst, WANDA set a great example by honoring four WANDA women leading the way in promoting positive images of blackness and black women. Along with Ms. Wright, WANDA honored Julian Kiganda, CEO of Bold and Fearless, DeShuna Spencer, Founder and CEO of KweliTV, and Mukami Kinoti Kimotho, Founder and CEO of Joodj. During the panel discussion, each honoree offered a unique perspective on the realities of being a black female entrepreneur. The most memorable moment for me was the vulnerability each woman shared in explaining that their successes were not won overnight. The panelists openly discussed the tendency in the black community to erase struggles from one’s personal narrative. By openly discussing the blood, sweat and tears that goes into growing an organization from the ground up, the panelists believe that more women may be encouraged to continue chasing their dreams even when they face hardship. It was a message that resonated with the audience who clapped in support of these personal and uplifting statements. 3. The food NativSol Kitchen provided the tasty, healthy and culturally relevant fare originating from different countries across the continent. Stevenson dazzled attendees with a Morroccan stew, West African rice dishes, savory black eyed peas, and my personal favorite from the event, bissap, or zobo as it is known in Nigeria. The drink is made from dried hibiscus leaves and is known for its tangy flavor and deep crimson color. NativSol spiced its version up with a touch of ginger, giving the beverage a kick that rounded out the meal. The message I took away from the impressive spread is that food from across the African continent and Diaspora is naturally delicious and healthy. Over time, departure from these foods and the uptake of the Western diet has left a staggering percentage of the Diaspora suffering from overweight, obesity, heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes. In the United States, over 75% of African Americans are overweight or obese, while in Africa nutrition related non-communicable disease will account for 40% of the disease burden on the continent by 2030. A part of WANDA’s mission is to reverse this trajectory and restore health to the Diaspora by embracing the heritage foods that characterize so many of its classic dishes. For more information about the link between culture, food and
13 inspirational quotes to help you get through those devilish days
Some days can feel so terrible you think the entire world has some beef against you. You wake up to an empty generator tank, which means no hot bath for you, and while running late to work, your nice shoes get ruined in the rain. You make it to work, but at lunch time, just before it’s your turn, the canteen runs out of food. Then just before you’re about leaving for home, your boss gives you an assignment with a 3-hour deadline! You finally made it home but it’s not over. Your mother calls to say some girl in your secondary school class is getting married, and she’s wondering if she’ll be the last mother on earth with an unmarried daughter. On days like these when you just need a pick-me-up, you can be sure to count on She Leads Africa to swoop down and resuce you with some common sense. We’ve got 13 inspirational and motivational quotes to help you remember that today’s challenges won’t be there tomorrow. 1. Strive Masiyiwa – Founder of Econet Wireless “The opportunity is in the problem. The moment I see a problem, I immediately begin to think about the opportunities that can be created by trying to solve it.” 2. Teresa Mbagaya – Microsoft Education Lead, East & Southern Africa “On career, I’ve always remarked that absolutely no one but you is responsible for your career; as such, plan for your future. Ask for that promotion, ask to be included in strategic meetings, invest in your leadership and in your colleagues, ask to take lead of varied initiatives and best yet, bring your best self to world.” 3. Lupita Nyong’o – Actress “It’s only when you risk failure that you discover things. When you play it safe, you’re not expressing the utmost of your human experience.” 4. Kechi Okwuchi – Sosoliso plane crash survivor “I make decisions based on what I like – not what I look like.’’ 5. Kene Mkparu – MD / CEO at Filmhouse Cinemas “Consider what is in your hands, Africa needs your talent.” 6. Fred Swaniker – Founder of African Leadership Academy “Everywhere I went I experienced the wonderful beauty of our continent and saw the resilience and the spirit of our people, and at that time, I realized that I wanted to dedicate the rest of my life to making this continent great.” 7. Heshan de Silva – CEO of De Silva Group “You can never start a business based on what you like right now. Because what you liked 5 years ago, is not what you like today. So, have something deeper than what you like as a starting point.” 8. Uche Pedro – Founder of Bella Naija “Keep it simple, don’t try to do everything. Pick your lane and be the best at it.” 9. John Obidi – Social media strategist “It is not only important for you to become a superstar at what you do, it is necessary. There are people in your future counting on you to make it.” 10. Zain Asher – Anchor at CNN International “I don’t believe in competing for what I want, I believe in creating what I want.” 11. Nancy Kacungira – News Anchor “We need to begin a dialogue between ourselves… It’s time we start writing a new narrative that doesn’t focus on the struggle, but on progression.” 12. Aliko Dangote – Businessman “I built a conglomerate and emerged the richest black man in the world in 2008 but it didn’t happen overnight. It took me thirty years to get to where I am today. Youths of today aspire to be like me but they want to achieve it overnight. It’s not going to work. To build a successful business, you must start small and dream big. In the journey of entrepreneurship, tenacity of purpose is supreme.” 13. Chimamanda Adichie – Author “Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in.”
#SisterhoodGoals: 2 things to learn from Lupita Nyong’o and Danai Gurira
Lupita Nyong’o and Danai Gurira are history makers individually and now, collectively. Eclipsed, the play Danai wrote and Lupita stars in, is the first Broadway production that has a female playwright, a female director, and an all-female cast. The play which premiered last week has received incredible reviews, and we, of course, expected nothing less from these powerhouses. Here are 2 things we learned about sisterhood, friendship, and business from these Motherland Moguls. Keep your promises, even if it takes a couple of years When Lupita arrived at Yale, the first role she was assigned to was to be an understudy in Eclipsed (written by Danai). From then on Lupita promised herself that she would one day do this play. She even mentioned the play in her first Vogue cover story and after a run at the Public Theater in 2015, Lupita emailed Danai and told her “Let’s do Eclipsed” and the rest is history. Have you promised to take a look at your friends resume or give feedback on a new purse design? Stop procrastinating and follow through on your commitment. As friends and sisters, we need to lend each other a helping hand. Your passion can inspire others In Variety magazine Danai stated “It’s very clear to me what my drive is. I tell African women’s stories. It doesn’t mean I don’t do other things, but that’s my thing. It’s rooted in a passion for that, and it’s rooted in a rage because I feel that they are so under- and misrepresented. I’m trying to link these two places, and have Africa be seen by the West in a more multidimensional, complex and celebratory way.” For Lupita, when she was deciding where to go to drama school, she was nervous about only doing work that focused on the Eurocentric point of view. When she arrived in the States from Kenya, she was so grateful that the first play she received was written by an African woman and focused on powerful female characters. Danai followed her passion and created a play that has given other young African women the opportunity to shine. Lupita was inspired and motivated by the play at the beginning of her professional acting career. How many other young, African women have been inspired by Lupita’s acting and activism all across the globe? Are you genuinely following your passions or you just managing with what you can do? You never know the impact your business idea, non-profit or role in a company can have on others. By following your passion, you can inspire and motivate others to achieve their goals. It can be easy to lose yourself on the journey to success. Sisterhood can challenge us to become better versions of ourselves and help us remember what is truly important. Sisterhood in our communities connects all of us like a spider web. If one part of the web tears we all feel it. Think about what we could collectively accomplish if we all kept our promises and helped motivate others like Lupita and Danai.
Young women and marriage: 3 conversations we keep having
Some days ago on a road trip to IITA Ibadan for my company’s annual retreat, there was this huge debate between what I have chosen to call the new school modern family values enthusiasts and the old school traditional family values enthusiasts, over married women and their career choices/decisions. It was a long and interesting conversation, voices were raised, opinions flew back and forth, words were exchanged (although with no ill intents), feelings and sentiments were bruised, perspectives were vehemently challenged and even faith was questioned. At the end of the trip (and as such the conversation), there was no victor and no vanquished, proving (yet again) that: Opinions are formed over time, experiences and the accumulation of a body of knowledge and it takes more than one heated conversation to get people to change those opinions. Back to the reason we are all gathered here today, I think that because of my age, most of the conversations I have with family, friends, acquaintances and even colleagues are pivoted around, you-guessed-right! Marriage. So, while we talk business, entrepreneurship, career and our shared ambition to take over the world, we should also take a moment to address the pink elephant in the room. So, tag along while I attempt to dissect some of the concerns we young women have when it comes to the institution of marriage. The validity of aspiring to marriage With Chimamanda Adichie’s 2013 TED talk (made even popular by Beyonce’s inclusion in the song, Flawless) finding its way into mainstream culture and conversations, we women are gradually being liberated from that flawed conviction that marriage is the gold standard and a ‘mark of success in life’. While this can be called progress in some ways, it also has its downsides. Hold on, let me explain. The feminist-driven academic and journalistic culture celebrating today’s “liberated” women, also in some ways, seeks to suppress a natural need for family that most women have. In recent times, there has been a blizzard of anti-marriage sentiments shared vocally among the female folks especially across social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook. And this is largely because most of them do not want to be seen as aspiring to marriage but hand on heart – and this is quite controversial. I do not know of one woman who does not want to have her own husband and possibly children to come home to after a long day at work. When discussing the issue in an open and public platform, most young women would be quick to put up an air of indifference with respect to marriage but get her alone and the story would be entirely different. There, I’ve said it! (But let’s not forget that this is an entirely unscientific view based only on my circle of friends, acquaintances and interactions with random people). Therefore, my take on this issue is rather simple: as much as marriage is not the holy grail of womanhood, I think wanting to be married and subsequently aspiring to it, is valid! As such, you are allowed to be intentional about it, as you are with work/business. (For more on this please try reading this from Dr. Meg Jay). The dichotomy between marriage and work In 2011, the COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg made a statement that went viral; “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.” I only came across this statement last year and it was insightful for me because it reaffirmed a conviction that I have always held and still hold; that the man I marry would take me one step closer to my biggest dreams. Before going further, I should clearly state that I have nothing against stay-at-home mums. On the contrary, any woman who readily gives up the fancy skirt suits and board meetings for house cleaning and grocery shopping has my respect. However, I do not think that marriage and even motherhood has to be a stumbling block on a woman’s pathway to progress. Society typically expects the woman to lean back and make only those career moves that are convenient for her status as a married woman but that does not always have to be the case. Family is a collective and shared responsibility placed equally on both the man and the woman even though both have to function in different capacities. With proper planning, communication and understanding between partners, I believe it is possible for both to raise a decent family without anyone’s dreams or goals suffering for it. This is where Sheryl’s statement becomes important. Because for this to happen and for this system to work, you need a man who acknowledges the validity of your dreams, believes in the weight of your ambitions and is ready and willing to support you towards reaching your goals regardless of what that ‘support’ might involve. So yes, married or single, you are allowed to aspire to heights unimaginable in your personal and professional life and marriage if done right, would serve as a catalyst and not a distraction. Knowing when enough is enough! There are reports that say that every fourth Nigerian woman suffers some form of domestic violence in her life time. The worst forms of these are usually battering, trafficking, rape and homicide. And it seems only sensible that I lend my voice to this recurring social menace that is plaguing our society, the institution of marriage and women in particular. This is however not to say that men do not suffer domestic abuse or to disregard that possibility. On this issue, there really isn’t so much I have to say that would be entirely new to you but this, LEAVE! If you unfortunately find yourself in an abusive relationship, before you consider any other solution or any form of therapy, get yourself out of that situation and environment. No man is allowed to hit you out of love or in an attempt to discipline you or for any other reason that you may want to let yourself believe.
7 habits to help you have a good day…everyday
Do you sometimes sluggishly drag yourself out of bed on a Monday morning? To stay on your A game, you have to cultivate certain habits to increase energy and productivity for the week ahead. These seven habits are a sure fire way to give you the needed boost to start your day right. 1. Get enough sleep Being able to wake up early in the morning has its perks, one of which is better control over your schedule for the day. If you can wake up early in the morning – awesome! If not, that is also okay. People have different sleep patterns and rhythms. Whether you’re a night owl or an early bird, the most important thing is that you find what time you are most productive at and invest your hours into that period of the day. The trick however, is to either go to bed early so you can wake up earlier in the morning or go to bed late and wake up later in the day, but in accordance to your schedule for the day. Some of the benefits of getting adequate sleep include a strengthened immune system, improved focus and better mood. Overall, you want to strive for that balance where you get enough sleep while being able to do your work when you function best. 2. Exercise The benefits of exercising daily are innumerable. Exercise helps you fight diseases, increases your energy throughout the day and improves your mood by releasing the hormone serotonin. Biologically speaking, here is how this logic works: exercise increases your heart rate, which functions to pump oxygenated blood to your tissues and organs. A few side effect include an increased brain function and focus as well as an increased oxygen flow to the muscles providing adequate energy to do work. Having trouble sleeping at night? Get some aerobic exercises in before bed, then thank me later. However, don’t feel you have to go overboard when exercising. A 10 minute jog, a walk, or any cardio workout will do. The key is to go slow and steady at first, then increasing the tempo over time until it becomes a habit. For starters, just grandma-shuffling through any of these also counts as exercise, as long as it gets your heart racing. 3. Pray or meditate Prayer and meditation are a form of alternative therapy. Prayer has been in existence since the beginning of time and there is increasing evidence from decades of scientific studies that it works! Irrespective of your religion, the efficacy of prayer and meditation undoubtedly supersede the effectiveness of medications, especially when dealing with ailments of the body and mind like depression or anxiety. Harvard physician Herbert Benson in his book The relaxation response discusses the correlation between health and prayer. At such times, the body’s stress level decreases from the lowering of the heart rate and the body’s metabolism to decreased blood pressure and a calmer and more regular breathing rate. On a similar note, Dr. Andrew Newberg, director of the Center for Spirituality and the Mind at the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study of Tibetan Buddhists in meditation and Franciscan nuns in prayer where he found that prayer and meditation increase levels of the body’s “happy” hormone, dopamine. The goal is to set time aside in quietness, withdrawn from distractions to just focus on yourself and connect with a spiritual being. 4. Eat breakfast Breakfast is indeed the most important meal of the day. Just as cars need fuel, breakfast also plays a similar role in helping increase alertness throughout the day. Without breakfast, people may become irritable, lack energy or focus. 5. Drink warm water and lemon If you’re unable to eat breakfast, gulping down a cup of water and lemon before dashing out can help you get a head start on a productive day. The warmth of the water aids in digestion and the lemon provides the body with Vitamin C, which gives the immune system an added boost, balances the body pH and clears the skin of blemishes. So if you’re not able to have breakfast, this is a surefire way to re-hydrate and energize you before your next meal. Just don’t swallow the lemon! 6. Affirm yourself Look in the mirror and smile at yourself for about 15 to 30 seconds. Yes, I know it sounds silly, but try it. Alternatively, if you feel embarrassed doing that, look in the mirror and speak to yourself words of affirmation like: “I am beautiful” “Today is going to be a great day’ ‘I am an amazing individual” “I have what it takes to succeed”. Whatever mantra you choose to chant to yourself is guaranteed to not only boost your self-esteem, but also give you confidence throughout the day and help you overcome challenges as they come by. Words have power and can influence your mood. Choose them carefully. 7. Make a list of your top three goals Make a list of the top three goals you intend to achieve for the day. You may have a long list of tasks that you plan to achieve, but worrying over those will get you nowhere. Narrowing down this list to three major goals will help you organize your day better, stay focused and get the most important off your list. Habits take a while to form and require repetition. But these rituals are guaranteed to help you reach those goals no matter how difficult they may seem at first.