How to Build your confidence in the legal profession
To succeed in the legal profession, confidence is key. Whether it’s arguing an application in court, explaining to your boss why you should adopt an unorthodox approach in dealing with a client or trying to secure a client – confidence is needed to achieve success in the legal profession. After practicing law for a while, you will have attained a certain level of confidence. The experiences you have gained in the field and the mistakes and lessons you have picked up will build your confidence. However, a young lawyer who is just starting out in the field or who has little years of experience may struggle to gain the certain level of confidence needed to deliver results. In my few years of practice, I have had to innovate and think of ways to build my confidence. Along the years I have picked up these 3 vital lessons: [bctt tweet=”Knowledge increases confidence and results in excellence” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Always be prepared Over the years, I have come to realize that thorough preparation for any task or activity, has helped me in my few years of practice. Be it a client meeting, arguing an application in court, or going to trial and so on. When you are thoroughly prepared to carry out a certain task, you will have the confidence to convey your point or secure a client regardless of how apprehensive you naturally are or unexpected twists that occur when carrying out the task. For instance, if you are arguing an application in court, or pitching an idea to your boss or trying to secure a client in a novel filed that you have no real practical experience in, it is advised that you prepare extensively. This will involve reading and practice your arguments, cases, studying in depth and any other relevant information. Imagine you are having a conversation with your friend I had a conversation with my boss with respect to building my confidence when addressing a Judge in court and one of the key points he told me that has stuck with me all these years is “to imagine you are having a conversation with your friend”. I personally think this is an off-shoot of the first point discussed above. If you’ve done your homework, it should not be difficult to convey your submissions or points. However, if the client or the Judge may be cantankerous or erratic, you would probably have some fear when addressing them. One way to deal with this is to imagine that the person in question is your friend. Think of how you would explain the case or hold a regular argument with your friend. This attitude will help relieve whatever fear or apprehension you have. You later realize that your points come across much more clearer and eloquently. Also, it will help you deal with whatever unexpected questions you are asked. Believe in yourself This is the most important point. If you are well prepared but don’t believe in yourself, it will show! The impression you will create is that you are actually not well prepared. Take for example you are scheduled to argue an application for an injunction in court. You have studied your client’s case well and the relevant law on an injunction. If you aren’t confident and the Judge interrupts you questioning, “Why should the Court grant your Client this injunction”? Your thoughts will be jumbled up and you may end up confusing the judge. The truth is you probably know the answer to this. You just need to apply the law to the facts explain how the law favors your client. However, if you do not believe in yourself, you may begin to overthink the question being asked. Then you’ll start talking too much till you go off point. In summary, you have to believe in your self and your case. Even when you have a bad day or have received a bad review! Naturally, when such events occur, your morale is down and you lose all motivation to continue working hard. If you believe in yourself, you should not let this affect your productivity. Instead, you should use such negative comments to fuel your energy and motivate you to perform better. Do you have career tips on how to build confidence in a given industry? Let us know here.
Edirin Edewor: When failure gives you wings, fly higher
Edirin Edewor is a two-time Amazon Bestselling Author, a Mindset and Author’s Coach, and an Entrepreneur. She works with three types of entrepreneurs to help them publish their books and establish their brands. Through Edirin’s Process Publishing System, entrepreneurs are helped to write their books with ease in record time get published on Amazon and become bestsellers. She also caters to the AUTHORPRENUERS who want to sell their books profitably as well as create extra streams of income through their writing. Finally, Edirin’s 5-Step Process Blueprint helps unknown and underpaid entrepreneurs in the service industry become highly influential and highly paid personal brands. How do you think your past failures set you up for success? In 2011 when I was 20, I attempted suicide. After that, I have had 502 of my job applications rejected in 4 years. I failed in 9 out of 11 business in 5 years. I battled with depression and a diagnosis of Early Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis at age 25. With all this suffering, I felt like a failure and thought my life was over. After much reflection, I began developing a growth mindset which helped me overcome all of these difficult times. I eventually wrote two books; The Productivity Checklist which became an Amazon Bestseller in 2016 and You and Your Mindset. Understanding that my failures were only learning processes, helped me eventually succeed in life and business. These lessons have helped me effectively start, scale and sustain my business in no time. So, now I help others too. [bctt tweet=”Understanding that my failures were only learning processes, helped me eventually succeed in life and business. – Edirin Edewor” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] You do a lot of great work with authors. How important is writing to establishing one’s authority in any given field? A lot of influential business people today have written books to establish themselves as authorities in their fields. From Robert Kiyosaki, Brian Tracy, to Steve Harris, Arese Ugwu, Nimi Akinkugbe and myself. Sharing your knowledge with the public shows that you know what you’re doing. It also helps you reach a lot more people with valuable information and grows your value perception. What tips would you give our young Motherland Moguls who are trying to gain influence in business? Everyone has to start from the bottom. No one gets to the top of the mountain by falling there. Getting to the top of the mountain of success requires you to climb. It will take some time, dedication, commitment and keeping a positive attitude in the face of obstacles. One great way to growing influence is getting published and growing your own community. There are many skills and tools to help with this. Social media platforms have made it easy to grow your influence and build a community of a loyal following today. [bctt tweet=”I’d like people to understand that life is in processes and you need to master one level to get to the next one. – Edirin Edewor” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] From your experience what are the difficult aspects of being an entrepreneur in Africa? First of all, being an entrepreneur anywhere, male or female, is difficult. However, Africa presents some unique challenges. The continent is not as technologically and industrially advanced as first world nations. Therefore, there are limited opportunities available to us. This forces us Africans to be creative and create unique solutions to solve our challenges. Secondly, the African market is still not largely globalized and the ease of doing business on a global scale is still being stifled by the political and economic environment. What advice would you give other entrepreneurs on handling this? As stated earlier, we have to create unique solutions to our challenges. While we wait for certain technologies to become available to us, we should maximize on what we have. This also includes constantly seeking opportunities to partner with global businesses to create more favorable conditions to do business. Here is where building trust and fostering good relationships become vitally important. From your past failures, what would you advise a young African woman getting set to start a business or career? Being patient and intentional about learning the lessons even when you fail, helps you learn faster, fail less and fly higher. Today I have built a multi-million naira business sharing this message and helping entrepreneurs build influence so they can share their stories and impact others. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Joyce Daniels: Stay in your lane, Enjoy your journey, and Raise others
Joyce Daniels is a professional Master of Ceremonies, a senior trainer at the prestigious Dale Carnegie and Associates, and a budding entrepreneur at her own “TAKADEMY” – Africa’s Premiere Training School for Masters of Ceremonies. With all these accomplishments under her belt, Joyce is a force to reckon with. Through her passion for speaking, Joyce has turned her skills into a profitable business hosting events and training others in the field. Despite a degree in Human Anatomy, she has excellent skills in communication and event planning. These skills have enabled her to work with clients from multiple industries and high net-worth individuals. Through her work, Joyce hopes to inspire others to stay in their line and develop their passions and skills. In this interview, Joyce Daniels talks about her passion and how she’s managed to build her brand. What led to you becoming a Master of Ceremonies? I believe I’ve been talkative from my mother’s womb. So, I decided to capitalize on my natural talent and gift of the gab. I wanted to explore a career in a field which requires no inventory, no start-up costs, and no rent. With this in mind, I found a career I enjoy, I love and I fit into PERFECTLY. How can young women refine their gift of gab as a source of income? Young women can self-train or be trained by professionals to serve in various ‘speaking’ capacities, such as TV/radio personalities, broadcasters, voice-over artists, voice actors or join my line of work, as event host MCs (Red Carpet or Main Event). Some of these can be experienced on a full time or part-time basis, in tandem with other interests or full-time job. In your opinion, how can young African women stand out in the marketplace? In my experience, my clients keep coming back and making referrals, because I ALWAYS deliver and on several occasions, surpass their expectations. For young African women, standing out requires understanding and meeting what the client wants and needs. On top of impeccable delivery, the following values can also help young women stand out in the African and global marketplace: Ensure you have top quality wrapped in unquestionable and undeniable excellence in service delivery When quality and excellence are in place, a healthy campaign of branding and marketing should be pursued. If you are top notch, yet unknown, attracting clients and income could be a problem. Therefore, strive to build your brand and make it known. [bctt tweet=”I strongly believe in raising and supporting other women as best as I can – @iamjoycedaniels ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] What support did you get from other women when you started? The support I have gotten from women has helped me grow and succeed. My support base included women such as Chiaku Ekwueme of AZ4Kids, Ndidi Obioha of Enthyst Events, the Ugochukwu sisters of Sleek, Amie Georgewill of Kolor Kraft and Madam Josephine Anenih. These women believed in me and highly recommended me to other clients, some of whom hired me based on my exemplary work and because I am a woman – they support women too! Why do you always advocate for business owners to ‘Stay in their lane’ on social media? To explain my ‘Stay-In-Your-Lane’ philosophy, I’d like to use a few examples. Bill Gates stayed in his Software lane until he became an enigma. Serena Williams stayed in her Tennis lane until she became an unquestionable force. Mother Theresa stayed in her Charity lane until she became a saint. Oprah Winfrey stayed in her TV Show lane until she became a global phenomenon. Ibukun Awosika stayed in her corporate furniture lane until she gained enough credibility to become the Chairman of Nigeria’s oldest and biggest bank. Alibaba Akpobome stayed in his Comedy lane and made standup comedy a notable profession in Nigeria. Chimamanda Adichie stayed in her literary lane until she has become an international icon and multiple prize winner. The list is inexhaustible. Many people get distracted from their lane for many reasons. These factors include finance (or lack of it), fame (or craving for it), instant gratification and popularity (or non-popularity). I have taken it upon myself to remind people, especially those like me in ‘unpopular’ lanes, to remember despite the challenges, we are unique and different. With the same amount of time, commitment, self-development and optimism, we would reach great heights. [bctt tweet=”Don’t ditch your lane just because it is hard or unpopular! Stay in your lane and enjoy your journey. – @iamjoycedaniels” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Final words to young ladies Whatever your profession or career path, try your best to leave a good trail for others to follow and make conscious and deliberate efforts to contribute positively to your community and society at large.
5 Things a Motherland Mogul Leader is Not
Leadership is an art. It means taking courage to maneuver a group of people with common intentions, goals, and objectives in an organized manner. Not everyone can be a good leader! Of course, you have to bear in mind your follower’s individual strengths and weaknesses while walking on eggshells trying not to annoy this group of people – even when they throw their frustrations and aggression at you! With all these pressures, leaders quite often fall into bad habits as they struggle to achieve their goals. To avoid this, as a Motherland Mogul and leader, you are probably asking, what is a leader not? Bossy There is a wide difference between being a boss and being bossy. A bossy person is a maniac! They operate like a machine put in place to juice their subjects in order to extract what they want for the company. A great leader is none of these. They are diplomatic and understand that more is given willingly than forcibly. A good leader is compassionate. They do not exclude others from contributing their part towards the common goal. Nepotist Yes. We all have that cousin or friend that we think would be the best at this job. But what would your followers think if this was the case? Would they be committed to your family company? It is very sad that nobody nowadays values meritocracy. Leaders give more attention to those who massage their ego, than those who tell them like it is. However, true leadership requires building the right team that will challenge you and helps you grow your organization. A jolly old person The truth is, great leaders do not try to keep friendships with others by satisfying their needs at the expense of their followers and the common purpose. When you start pleasing everyone, you start compromising. This then causes your standards to get a tilt and you’re not the same leader anymore. It doesn’t hurt to make friends, but don’t let your friendships compromise your value and your objectives. A Narcissist. Have you ever heard the tale of Narcissus? According to Greek Mythology, he was cursed by a God to look at his reflection in the water and fall in love with it every day. He fell in love so much that it actually ruined him! As slay queens, we need to love ourselves. But we shouldn’t let our self-love turn into overconfidence, self-adulation, and self-centeredness at the expense of our followers and the common purpose. A prejudiced discriminator. In 1949, sociologist Merton illustrated prejudice and discrimination with four categories of people: Unprejudiced non-discriminator Unprejudiced discriminator Prejudiced non-discriminator Prejudiced discriminator The prejudiced discriminator is the worst kind of leader to experience. They are a chooser and not a trainer. This kind of leader doesn’t believe that followers of a particular sect, religion, ethnicity or region can offer the common purpose any productivity due to insufficient justification and undue prejudice. Great leaders do not just build visions, but they also build people. If one doesn’t avoid these habits of bad leaders, they end up attracting the wrong crowd, or no crowd! As Motherland Moguls, let us strive to make sure we are not bad leaders. Build your dreams on the right and with the right attitude. Let’s make Africa better with the advent of good leadership and fellowship. If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Ivy Barley: With coding, I can create a powerful software that can transform Africa and the world
Ivy Barley is a social entrepreneur and currently shaping a world where more African women will be daring enough to lead in in Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths (STEM) fields. She is the co-founder of Developers in Vogue, an organization that trains females in the latest technologies and connects them to real-time projects and jobs. In 2017, she was named as one the 50 Most Influential Young Ghanaians. Ivy is also a Global Shaper of the World Economic Forum and holds a Master’s Degree in Mathematical Statistics. Tell us about yourself Growing up, I always had a strong aptitude for Mathematics and Technology, and that has pretty much shaped my career path. I recently completed my MPhil. in Mathematical Statistics. I believe that I have the potential to make a significant impact in Africa, and this is enough motivation for my work at Developers in Vogue. Aside from being a selfie freak, I enjoy hanging out with my best friend (my phone). How did Dev in Vogue start? About a year ago, I was working at an all-girls pre-university where my role included assisting the girls with Mathematics, Statistics, and Physics. I also taught the girls programming. Before working in this school, I’d been hearing people say that women don’t like coding. However, I realized the contrary! The girls were very enthusiastic about coding, they also had so many great ideas! My stay in the school was cut short but all the while after that, what never left me were the memories of the girls! It dawned on me to start a sustainable initiative that will create the ideal environment for females to code, connect and collaborate. What has been your biggest hurdle so far? We pretty much didn’t have a lot of challenges getting our business off the ground. We’re glad we had support from interested stakeholders. A hurdle though is trying to create a community. One of our unique value propositions is that we don’t only match our ladies to jobs, but also creating a community of women who support each other. It definitely requires a lot of time and effort to create such a sisterhood. [bctt tweet=”Coding and generally technology has so much untapped potential in Africa – Ivy Barley @devinvogue” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Has there ever been a time when you thought of giving up? What kept you going? I think I have thoughts of giving up very often and I find that normal. I have however learned not to let my feelings dictate. If there is something that has to be done, I definitely need to do it and do it now! My life is governed by one mantra: Pay Now; Play Later. That is, I would rather sacrifice now so that I can have a better future. Most importantly, I start my day with the word of God and listen to a lot of inspirational podcasts especially from Joel Osteen and Terri Savelle Foy. What is your favorite thing about coding? I particularly like that with my laptop and internet, I can create powerful software that can transform Africa and the world at large. Coding teaches you critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which are very important skills for this era. I won’t deny that it doesn’t get difficult. When coding, you’d realize the power of a ‘simple’ semi-colon because omitting that can sometimes cause you hours of no sleep. Which season is the toughest for your job? How do you overcome this? For now, it has been keeping the community engaged. Though it has been fun doing this, it definitely needs more time investment. I’d like to call myself the cheerleader of the team, inspiring the ladies to dream big and work hard to make them happen. What however serves as motivation in spite of the challenges are the stories of the impact we are making in the lives of these women. What, in your opinion, is the future of coding especially for girls in Africa? Coding and generally technology has so much untapped potential in Africa. For females, the future is even brighter. Day in and day out there are so many opportunities that come up to promote women in technology. Relevant stakeholders are beginning to realize the gender gap in the tech ecosystem and are putting measures in place to bring more women into the room. What advice would you give to any girl in Africa considering coding? Keep at it, my girl! You need to work hard in order to stay relevant. You need to keep improving your skills. Though it may get difficult at some points, think about the big picture. Also, make time to network with people in the industry to learn best practices that can make you world-class. If coding is truly your passion, then you definitely need a lot of diligence and determination. In case you need some support with this, I’ll be glad to offer a helping hand! Any advice for African women entrepreneurs? I think one advice I’d always give to people is hard work. Also, have your visions and goals in writing and review them every single day. As women, there are so many activities that are likely to take our attention from growing our businesses. This is the more reason why we need to stay focused. Let’s do this for Africa! If you’d like to share your story with She Leads Africa, let us know more about you and your story here.
Olamide Babajide: I maintained my 9-5 job and built my dream during weekends
Thirty-five years old Olamide Babajide holds a Bachelor of Technology in Computer Engineering and has a Certificate for Building Sustainable Social Enterprise from Middlesex University. She worked in the Information Technology sector for seven years occupying various positions and her last designation was to manage West African region for a multinational IT distribution company. She has over ten international certifications in Information Technology and Audit (CCNA, CCDA, CSSE, CISA…). She founded Pearl Recycling in 2016 to solve the problem of waste and provide affordable, eclectic and sustainable furniture to Nigerians. A Tony Elumelu entrepreneur fellow, she won the WIMBIZ impact competition in 2016 and was named by the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs as one of the 100 Tech-women Emerging Leaders which gave her opportunity to intern at Silicon Valley with Symantec. In 2017, she was selected by LEAP Africa as a social innovator and she is currently working to provide waste remodeled, eco-friendly, ergonomic classroom chairs for public schools. Olamide is on the mission to make the environment safe, reduce deforestation, encourage decent living condition and provide jobs for the unemployed. [bctt tweet=” I never had fear while starting because I have always believed in failing forward…” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] How did you transit from a high paying job to become a social entrepreneur? I didn’t take a quick dive; I maintained my 9-5 job and worked on my dream during weekends. I had time to plan, analyze and test the market before starting fully. What that did for me was to make me understand people’s point of view about my products, what they really want to be compared to what I thought they want and how to strike a balance to make demand-driven products. Immediately, I got that figured out, I decided to quit in other to actualize my dream. I never had fear while starting because I have always believed in failing forward and I told myself when I fail, I will pick up the lessons and move on. I wasn’t really afraid and I realized that the reason why most people fail is that they listen to the outside noise and against the inner voice, so immediately I was at peace with my inner voice I blocked out the outer noise of people asking if I was stupid to give up such promising job for uncertainty and I just went for my dream. Your work has been featured in international media platforms, what level of impact has this exposure brought to your organization? It has brought tremendous impact and topmost on the list is the sensitization that came along with it. It’s a different ball game when you are starting a new niche in a country that has a conservative mindset about waste. Trying to re-orientate people to see waste as something enticing is actually hard in Nigeria but the international exposure and features brought awareness and a bit of acceptance which was all we need to forge ahead. The good part is, immediately we had our first interview by Reuters, Washington Post, and Aljazeera took it up and local channels also came in and that gave us impressive local visibility. [bctt tweet=”Once you have a clear vision and mission and impressive strategy, money will find you.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] With the level of exposure you’ve encountered so far, what advice will you give to your younger self in retrospect and your future self? If I had asked my younger self the most important question of “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” I would have realized early what my mission is and set goals to achieve it. I would have gotten a mentor earlier than I did and put a structure to my business. So I will tell my younger self to go for her dream and not to wait thinking of how to start. I will tell her “JUST START” start with what you have now. To my future self, I will say, Do NOT make mistake in choosing your board members every time you have to make that selection. They can make or break your vision. I will also say “Integrity is Key” never ever undermine the place of integrity in your dealings with others. Also, I will say protect your name and by extension your brand. Be careful how you act so that you don’t ruin what you have used years to build. Lastly, l remind myself daily that the internet never forgets, and I should be more conscious of the kind of digital signature and impression I portray. [bctt tweet=”I learned about structure and that is one thing I say every time to every young entrepreneur…” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] What business lessons have you learned in the course of running your social enterprise? The first thing I learned is when you put in your all in whatever you do, the world will support you. I also learned that money is the last thing you look for when starting a business. Once you have a clear vision and mission and impressive strategy, money will find you. I have learned very early that the successful club is highly inclusive. Most times, the rich don’t want you to sit at the table you have to learn to take the damn table. You must be tenacious and persistence and you must NEVER lose focus. And remember, strangers will help you succeed faster than families so when you are starting your business, be smart enough to consider your target market. [bctt tweet=”Be smart. Know your target market.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Do you find any connection between what you did as a corporate executive and what you are doing now? Absolutely, I realized that no knowledge is lost. You know, I worked as a network infrastructure engineer for a while and moved to business design/development and finally moved to Presales. I was opportune to work on proposal writing for top organizations, submit bids and quotations, present designs and even go for negotiations and this has helped greatly in starting up my business. The design knowledge, the business development
Rinae Sikhwari: I want to be a change driver
Meet Rinae Sikhwari, a 26-year-old young woman from Tshikwarani Village in South Africa. She currently resides in Polokwane finishing off her BCom Economics and Business Management from UNISA whilst working at New Leaders Foundation. She is a fan of reading African literature books, watching series, traveling and discovering new places. Her favorite pastimes include going to food markets, organizing activities for the children in her home church, as well as watching TED Talks and writing. Rinae describes herself as a change driver and a learner at heart. She is an advocate for providing quality education, especially for children in disadvantaged communities. Education has always been one of Rinae`s biggest passions and she strives to gain a stronger understanding of the complexities, challenges, and milestones of the South African Education System. Part of this is to not only be a solutions bringer but also a change agent to see the education system transformed to cater to the needs of all the children across the country. The South African Education Government spends 6.4% of its GDP on education, however, performance levels are lower than many other countries in the region. Not all children have access to the same quality of education, a legacy left behind by the apartheid government. Rinae is a consultant at New Leaders Foundation, a non- profit organization that is committed to transforming South African Education. The Organisation founded the Data Driven Districts Dashboard Programme, an approachable, highly intuitive dashboard that displays appropriate education-related information to education officials at all levels in the South African Schooling system. She emphasizes the importance of data – “Having accurate data ensures that informed decisions are being made, data determines all the decisions and interventions that need to be undertaken.” Her work involves a lot of interaction with stakeholders from the department of education in driving data-driven conversations and decisions. Engagement with these stakeholders is based on data attained from schools through the South African School Management System. “I’ve learned to understand how essential it is to have people skills and managing working relations with officials of different levels and rankings”. Her work ranges from assisting Department of Education officials from district directors to curriculum advisors and school principals attain data that will assist them to make informed decisions.Her work also takes her into the field where she can see firsthand how the policies of the Department of Education affect local communities. “Working in the field has offered me the context to understand the data we extract from schools on a daily basis.” This has brought visibility of complexities of the department and an understanding of the massive gaps and inequalities in the education sector. Central to her beliefs is the importance of advocating for the education of young women especially those that are growing up in areas where they are faced with so many socio-economic issues, who face so many challenges and a lot of the times education becomes a pillar and an enabler for them to defy the odds against them. Her own upbringing in a rural village made her understand that it is through education that a woman becomes independent and attains opportunities. “I am still such a firm believer that not only does education enable one to critically think and analyse but also education gives one the opportunity to be inquisitive, seek to explore and know more and the more you can do better, a learned/well-read/educated woman is able to challenge the status quo, I believe being educated gives one option and looking at how marginalized women are in society particularly black women it is imperative and essential for women to be educated.” Rinae established a reading club in the township of Seshego in 2015 for children aged between 4-14 years old, currently, the club has over 50 children and has strong support from the parents. She describes the reading club as a platform for children to learn to read and write for enjoyment, it’s a space in which children learn mathematical, social and literacy skills. “I’ve just observed how children enjoy our sessions and most of them have become avid readers, I love how they speak their minds and express their opinions that is actually what’s important for me.” Rinae has always wanted to do work that has a meaning to her and her development as someone aspiring to be a change driver. What does this mean? Being a change driver means doing more to better her community whether it be through mentoring and tutoring or supporting community development initiatives started by her peers or young people from her village. It also means giving a voice and a platform to those who need the change most- raising awareness about initiatives and shinning the spotlight on the developments in the community. Know of anyone impacting your community? Share their story with us here.
The tales of a disgruntled miss Independent
My friend is going through that phase where she is panicking about whether she will ever find the man of her dreams. I keep telling her “Girl, chill out, the sea is not empty yet”. She recently went on a date with this new guy she is seeing, and now she knows what she wants in life, and I admire her so much for that. Before she even goes on a date with a guy, she has to have conversated with him for a while and after the first date, if she is not feeling it, she is not the “Let’s see where it can go” type of girl. Maybe that’s why she is not married yet. Anyway, I asked her, “How did this one go? Do you think he is the one?”, she stared into space and after a while replied, “Yea he might be, but he asked me if we should do Dutch”. I also paused and stared into space, what does that mean, I thought. “So, for the rest of the date, we ended up talking about doing Dutch and women becoming more independent.” So, “do Dutch”, basically means splitting the bill. This made me ponder about a statement I once read which said – “These days women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying”. Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel like that’s somewhat true. Why is it that many women don’t rely on men as much anymore, is it because we don’t need them, is it because they are not providing what we are seeking? Is a man no longer a man if he can’t provide? Should women turn down their independence just to maintain the man’s ego? [bctt tweet=”Women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] That’s a flat out, big NO for me. Women have been oppressed and have had their rights suppressed for a long time. Now that we have more privileges and equal opportunities, some men and women are slightly uncomfortable with our liberation. So much so that some women feel the need to hide their ambition. There is something endearing about being humble, but there is a difference in taming yourself down because some people are uncomfortable with your star qualities. [bctt tweet=”You don’t win by playing small” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] There are men out there who feel threatened if their woman is earning more than them and they feel like they are not enough. If a man feels threatened by your independence, then those are his insecurities he needs to work on, not yours. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be less just to please him. The independence of a woman can often destroy a man’s masculinity. There is absolutely nothing wrong in building together with your man, he makes his own money and you make your own too. There is also nothing wrong with sitting back and letting your man treat you and you doing the same for him. As long as the woman is not putting down her man because she is richer or more powerful than him, a happy, balanced, healthy relationship can be boded. These are just some of the things you suss out when you begin dating someone, are they comfortable with you being the bomb ass woman that you are, can they handle you, what does their ego say about you being this boss chick? It is as simple as asking your potential suitor those direct questions. Society depicts that the man should be the main provider of a family. As women, we should allow the man to be who he is and who he is destined to be. Our life’s purpose does not take priority over his your opinions don’t matter more because you have more money or are more powerful than he is. In relationships, you often have to compromise yourself and compromising is not betrayal. When you find yourself having to kill your true, authentic, hardworking, go-getter self, its yourself you’re betraying. You don’t have to kill who you are to please your counterpart. Independent women are often deemed as high maintenance, sometimes greedy and their standards are too high. Well if you don’t set boundaries or standards you will settle for whatever is handed to you in life and you will never be fulfilled. Having said all this not all men think the same. Sometimes men want more than just an independent successful woman with her own money. Hopefully, there is more to you than just your successes. What are your family values, what are you like as a person without all your accomplishments? Are you really this well rounded independent successful woman in all areas of your life. It may not be your independence and success that’s putting men off you. It’s a matter of looking inwardly, are you really this gracious, strong Queen you say you are? [bctt tweet=”Standards only scare off people who are not willing to make an effort with you.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] We were all put on this earth for a different purpose and we each have a duty to fulfill our purposes before we die, whether we become richer or more powerful than our male counterpart and vice versa. You never need to tone down your ambition. Some men will take pride in having a woman who works for her own because even an independent successful woman still has her vulnerabilities. After all, she is human. Got an article you’d like to share with us? Share your story with us here.
4 easy steps to maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace
Emotional intelligence just like any skill can be learned and mastered. Negative attitudes, just like talent only develops when it is in use. Ever heard the saying “practice makes perfect”? That goes without saying when it comes to maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace. You worked endlessly on a project with your supervisor and the only feedback you receive from the same supervisor during the review was that “you should have put in more effort”. Finding yourself in those shoes and sometimes losing it, feels like a right response at that moment. The last thing you need in your career path is to be associated with the “baby” who is not ready to climb a corporate ladder. The following guidelines will assist you to slay it like a pro when you are tempted to lose it. 1. Acknowledge to address The only good thing about the loss of emotional control is the fact that, it does not go unnoticed firstly by you. Secondly and negatively by everyone around you and once expressed cannot be taken back. The worse thing you can do is ignore it, just like a balloon being inflated it grows bigger and bigger until it explodes. Although study associate women having hippocampus and a deeper limbic system bigger than men, which allows them to express emotions in detail than men. That being said, when it happens do not beat yourself about it just acknowledge it. In this predicament something wonderful is that “women might be better prepared to physically react to negative stimuli than males” says Milnik. That makes women better managers. 2. Excuse yourself Walking away from the situation does not make one a coward, although society had taught us the opposite. Furthermore, postponing dealing with something does not mean avoiding it. When the edge to say or act according to the way you are actually feeling kicks in. It is best to draw away from the situation strategically by suggesting a way out. That can be achieved by saying “how about we consider this aspect at a certain time? 3. Reaction time Often the saying “I can’t deal with this right now” is associated with being rude but it is a technique used to buy time. Time is one of the most important factors and everyone needs it to maintain a positive attitude. In order to effectively analyze all options and come up with an appropriate conclusion. Reacting at the very same moment might cause you to respond without considering all the facts. 4. Manage “It is much more preferred to work with an unqualified person with a positive attitude rather than a qualified individual who lacks it, “says one manager. The are various ways which can be used to manage it which have been proven to work. Different techniques work for different people, you just need to find the one that works for you and your circumstance. Amongst the many techniques available such as counting, breathing and walking. Listening attentively to distinguish all sound and their connection without any thought is my personal favorite. Got an article you’d like to share with us? Share your story with us here.
5 Work-Life Balance Tips For New Entrepreneurs
You know that popular quote that says that the first year of business for any entrepreneur particularly a solopreneur is usually the hardest? Well, nothing can be further from the truth. What they also didn’t tell you is that in that first year, in order to get things rolling, you might lose yourself to your business. This also includes but is not limited to your family, friends, network and social life. Depending on your perspective, this might seem like an investment in the long run. After all, the first five years are the most pivotal point of any business. After that, it’s supposed to get easier. But does that mean you have to wait until your business has fully taken off to get your life and have a semblance of work-life balance?I think not. Here are five simple work-life balance tips that I have found works for new entrepreneurs. Separate your business from your personal life. This might seem like a walk in the park but believe me, it is easier said than done. In a bid to be always available, accessible and offer excellent customer service, the thin line between your business and your personal life might be blurred. So, it is key to separate them. This can be as simple as getting a different phone/WhatsApp number for your business. This way, you’re not tempted to respond to messages that are not urgent outside work hours. Determine your work hours. As much we live on the internet, it can be tough for internet-enabled businesses to switch off for the day but it’s important for work-life balance. Entrepreneurs are known to work around the clock but by determining your work hours you are giving your business structure and leaving out time for yourself and your life. Make plans ahead It’s one thing for you as an entrepreneur to not have a social life, it’s another thing entirely to not make plans outside your business. The great thing about making plans ahead and following through with your family and friends is that you’re completely distracted and not tempted to work. No matter how little it might seem initially, it means that out of your super busy schedule, you are making time for your loved ones and that is one of the keys to a balanced life. So, draw up a special calendar and slot in some dates and fun activities for the next three months. This gives your friends enough time ahead to prevent a clash of schedules. (SLA TIP: Google Calendar is your plug) Observe public holidays As an entrepreneur, it’s so easy to become a workaholic. But as much as strong work ethics are admirable, it’s important to know when to take a break to re-energize and avoid burning out. One of the most simple ways you can achieve this especially when you don’t have the luxury of taking vacations yet is by observing public holidays. Turn off your work phone and emails. If possible, stay off social media and cultivate a habit of resting. Learn how to rest Everyone has their definition of rest but one thing is certain, it does not involve work. One of the key things I learned over the Christmas holidays is the ability to sit down and do absolutely nothing. As difficult as it was initially particularly for someone that has worked all year, by the time I got into the state of inactivity and idleness, it was refreshing to truly rest. Try it and see! As a compliment, you can also find passive non-work related activities (such as listening to audiobooks) to pass the time. Got some advice for new business owners and entrepreneurs? Share your advice with us here.