Pretoria Girls High School: 5 lessons I learned from African girls fighting for their Afros
If you have not been living under a rock, you must have heard about the news that ruled the headlines last month. A group of girls in South Africa —who we would all like to adopt into our #SquadGoals— protested against their school for the subliminal and direct ways that they were being racist towards them. The subject in question was their natural hair. As an African living in the US, this trending topic about how unprofessional and untamed natural hair is, is not new to me. Growing up in Ghana, I had heard all the “hair is distracting” arguments. This is why most African girls rocked bald cuts for most of our childhood. What was news to me however, was someone telling African children that their natural hair was unnatural. There is a difference between distracting and unnatural. It’s like going to a school in London and telling the school children that their natural British accents were unnatural. From rocking a bald cut, to having permed strands to now growing kinky curls, I have experienced all the angles on the subject of ‘African Hair’. These are the 5 thoughts I had as I marvelled at the girls from Pretoria Girls High School. Stop telling us what to do with OUR hair Whether permed or kinky, whether braided or dreaded…African women know what they want to do to their hair. And we don’t need your two cents. If African women have to defend their hair everywhere else, should Africa be one of those places? When I heard this story in the news, the first question I had was “Where can we stand?” African features have been under attack since long before we can all remember. From our broader nose to our bigger lips. And now our hair. The fact that African features was being attacked in Africa of all places was unbelievable to me. I felt insulted, that this fight had found its way into our backyard. Are Africans not supposed to find a safe haven in their home? Representation matters I immediately thought of Sarafina when I saw Zulaikha Patel fighting with her fist up for what she believed in. African Americans and other minorities in America, fight every day to be represented respectfully in film, culture and the arts….so should African children not be represented in Africa where they belong home? We should not be denied the freedom of seeing people who look just like us and with hair just like ours. It warms my heart to know that almost thirty years after the movie Sarafina came out, these girls in Pretoria where able to draw the same kind of strength to stand up for what they believed in. Don’t tell us how to fight the issues that only affect us Don’t you love it when the people who are least affected by an issue tell the people most affected by the issue how to cope. (Looking at you, #AllLivesMatter). The problem with telling young girls to ignore the racial issues going on in their schools is that we neglect the fact that they will have to still deal with these same issue when their future employers are telling them their Afro is unprofessional. Problem #2 with the statement in the image above: How do you expect black girls to excel academically if they have to deal with the mental chains of society telling them that their blackness is unnatural? We are strong but we are tired of defending ourselves We are tired of defending our darker skin. Tired of explaining why saying “You are pretty for a dark skin girl” is not a compliment. Tired of hearing the snide comments about how our hair would be more manageable if it was straighter. Tired of hearing how the traits that are most natural to us are somehow unnatural. Teach girls to fight The future of Africa lies in the people who dare to fight for it….and the girls in Pretoria Girls High School fighting for their Afros are all kinds of #goals. These girls came together to raise their voices and change the dialogue in the culture. These girls stood up and peacefully protested. They got made the world listen. They captured the attention of world leaders, all because they decided to be girls who fight. Girls need to be taught that they too have the power to fight for a good cause. Fighting to change the world is not just an exclusive club for Nelson Mandela and other men. African girls can change the world if they will only fight.
A day at SheHive Lagos: SLAYing Sunday
10:35am: It’s the final day of SheHive and despite the heavy rain, #MotherlandMoguls still came out to slay. I grabbed a SLA-branded popcorn and a drink and immediately started connection with some of the moguls I met yesterday. We chatted about the first two days of SheHive Lagos (the Thursday and Friday intensive workshop led by the SLA team) which one of them had attended. She said it was an intimate session with Afua, who gave business counsel unique to each of the ladies. To her, it was a fantastic learning experience and I began to pinch myself for missing out. 11.17am: To kick off the day, there was an instant give away and I won! I was super excited when I saw the cool things in the goody bag. 11.30am: Afua gave us a chance to get creative. Paired in groups, we were to come up with a 30-second ad for SLA. The idea was to get people to attend the next SheHive which would be in Johannesburg in November. Mehn, SLA does bring out the talent in us all! Kudos to #TeamStompTheYard, they really got the crowd cheering with their stomping moves. 12.07pm: The next session was for the women who wear the pants, as Adepeju Adebajo took us into the world of women in non-traditional industries. Being the CEO of one of the big players in the cement industry Lafarge Africa, Adepeju gave us the 411 on how to become a boss in a man’s world. One key advice from her was that the most important career decision you will ever make is who you marry. My fellow moguls take note on that one, if you want to keep slaying then choose bae wisely! 1.20pm: Adepeju’s talk was over and it was time for lunch. I always enjoy lunch time ‘cos not only do I get to feed but I get the chance to catch up with even more #MotherlandMoguls. Yesterday, I didn’t take so many pictures and after seeing lovely pictures from SheHive Lagos on Instagram, I knew better not to slack today. I posed with SLA props, took some group pictures and even photo bombed a couple of snaps. Biko no time to dull! 2.10pm: We were coached on “getting your products to your customers”, by Toyin Odulate. She shared her blessing in disguise story of how a hair-dye job gone wrong left her with bad hair loss. With her mum’s secret recipe she was able to bring her hair back to life and that’s when it struck her that she could sell this magic portion as a side hustle. The Olori Cosmetics founder shed light on how she was able to get her products to her customers as a startup and as the MD/CEO of Danone Nutricia. The latter gave us insight into the distribution process adopted by bigger companies. I really enjoyed Toyin’s presentation especially because she was able to give very typical Naija scenarios to buttress her points. She also promised #MotherlandMoguls in the house some Olori goodies..Now that’s what’s up! 3.15pm: Bunmi Lawson, MD Accion Microfinance bank gave us some insight on achieving business growth and how she kicked off a business from one room and grew it to forty-four offices in 5 states in Nigeria. Now that’s some #MotherlandMogul move right there! Bunmi explained that the people who surround you and your business are a major key to its growth. Invest in the right people, share your vision with them and together you will build an empire. 4.20pm: At this point, my mind had already been conditioned for ShopTheHive. I heard there were going to be a lot of cool outlets selling stuff and I had also spread the word to a couple of my shopaholic friends to attend. Just before we got off our seats, we had some vendors talk to us about their products and services. This just whet my appetite even more, as I was itching to see what else was in stock at ShopTheHive. 4.40pm: Off we went to the ground floor where the shopping party was going down. They had everything FAB from sunglasses, clothes, accessories and bags to throw-pillows, wall decorations and scents. There were also stands for refreshments. I was really feeling cool with myself; I was able to #EatShopMingle all at the same time. My best part was the photo booth. It was the last chance to capture my SheHive Lagos moments in four clicks of the camera. Very cool stuffz! 6.00pm: I hugged my new friends good bye and headed to the parking lot. Thankfully, I succeeded in not breaking my bank account at ShopTheHive. I had such an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G weekend. SheHive Lagos totally worth my time and more! You probably can’t understand the hype of SheHive until you have attended one yourself.
Nigeria’s President falls our hand
[bctt tweet=”In one fell swoop, President Buhari lived up to every single stereotype that exists about Nigerian men” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Earlier today, the BBC released an interview with Nigeria’s First Lady Aisha Buhari. In the interview, Aisha Buhari “warned President Buhari that she may not back him at the next election unless he shakes up his government. She was concerned that his government had been hijacked by only a “few people”, who were behind presidential appointments.” Whilst many may debate the merits or demerits of a President’s wife so publicly denouncing her husband’s presidency, what is simply not up for debate is the appropriateness of President Buhari’s response. For those of you who didn’t hear what he said lemme write it out for you in black and white. I’ll even centre it so it’s real clear. “I don’t know which party my wife belongs to, but she belongs to my kitchen, my living room and the other room.” And in one fell swoop, President Buhari lived up to every single stereotype that exists about northern, Muslim, Nigerian men and African men more broadly. Owa Oga.. you for try small nahh … More generally, please stop making us look crazy to the white people. The President of Africa’s second largest economy, Africa’s most populous country and, arguably, one of Africa’s most powerful countries just said on live TV that women are here to cook, lounge and have sex. I’ll let you digest that for one moment because no people … THIS IS NOT A DRILL. He really said it and we never esperrerit. What makes his remarks even more shocking is that he said them whilst with Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor and arguably one of the most powerful women (in fact people) in the world …. only 3 days after the International Day of the Girl Child which is meant to encourage families to educate their female children and allow them to live their best lives. Baba… you didn’t try for us at all. The look on Angie’s face tho … she really never esperrerit President Buhari hasn’t really been the women’s president. Under his administration the % of women in ministerial positions has gone from 31% to 16%. In fact, when we look at President Buhari’s inner circle, it seems to be seriously lacking in the estrogen department. [bctt tweet=”Nigeria’s President Buhari hasn’t really been the women’s president” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Given this context, the excuse that his comments were simply a “joke” is a little difficult for us to swallow…. That and the fact that he’s the President of a country, not a comedian. At She Leads Africa, one of the challenges we see a lot of female professionals and entrepreneurs facing is a lack of self-confidence. Many women simply do not have the confidence to believe that they can be leaders. And yet, how will they feel confident when their President, their leader and their Commander-in-Chief, implies that their place is in the kitchen, living room and the bedroom? At one of our SheHive workshops in Abuja, we had a young woman give a teary testimonial about how her family discouraged her entrepreneurial dreams. They made her feel like she had no place outside of the home and she struggled to balance her hunger to build a thriving business with the weight of tradition and familial pressures. I’m proud and happy to say that she left our training programs energized and ready to forge ahead with her plans to open a spa. A spa which, mind you, will create jobs in an economy struggling under the burden of high unemployment. [bctt tweet=”Nigerian women struggle between wanting to build businesses and the weight of tradition” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] On days like this I feel happy. And then there are days like today where I realise how far we have to go. President Buhari’s remarks are a stark reminder that for us, the women of Africa, our battle to prove our competency, our relevance and our ability to meaningfully contribute to the development of this continent is only just beginning. In any case President Buhari –I can guarantee you that we are very much up to the challenge. #SheLeadsAfrica PS. We want to give a special shout out to all our male #SwagAssists who’ve come to our defence. Your tweets and social media support were the business. #SwagAssist
Unusual business ideas: Sell your friendship
Friendship isn’t easy. We’ve all been in situations where we needed someone by our side but found ourselves alone. Maybe you want to start gyming but all your friends are too busy to join you. Maybe you’re like me and travel solo but are too paranoid to venture out on your own at night. Who says money can’t buy friendship? Three smart Singaporeans have started a company, Pally Asia which provides friends for hire. Through Pally Asia, people can rent “fake” groomsmen, bridesmaids and sports buddies. Customers can also rent friends, or pallies as the company calls them, to take them for a night out in town and even to meet their parents. Different types of pallies come with different prices from $15 for a 15-minute phone call to $1,000 for 12 hours (and a speech) with a groomsman or bridesmaid. Japan is thought to have been the first to start companies offering this kind of service. Now, such companies are found in countries across Asia and in the U.S. I need them to come to Africa. What’s more, with the help of my friends, I’ve thought of ways a friend-for-hire service could work for us. Shopping for you Imagine you can conveniently hire out friends to go to the market for you. A busy career woman still needs to eat and if you’re keen on local dishes most of the ingredients and spices you need to cook can only be found in the open air market. Through this imaginary company, you can hire a friend who you can trust will get things at the market for you at the real price (the friend has to know how to bargain very well). Moving on, there are some women who don’t trust their sense of fashion, but also don’t have the time/money to get a personal stylist. In this case, why not hire a friend to go shopping with you? She will be the fashionista with a keen eye for things that suit your looks and figure. Dodging marriage Some of us are at that age where uncles and aunties remind us that we’re “ripe” for marriage. This doesn’t mean all of us are ready to walk down the aisle. As an African girl, you don’t want to hire a friend to go on dates with you or pretend to be your boyfriend in front of your family. First of all, we haven’t reached that level. Secondly, that can easily veer into a sugar mommy situation and nobody has time for time. But, what about getting a friend who you hang out with once every four months or so for lunch? This is the friend that can be used as diversion when your parents come calling about marriage. “Ah, but mum, Joe and I are just friends jo, if it happens, it happens.” When Joe is a constant, the marriage-mongers will ease off. This way, hiring out a fair-weather guy friend can be useful. Organise my life Sometimes, you just need someone to organise your domestic stuff. It can be finding help to wash clothes, if you don’t have the space or can’t afford a washing machine. Or it can be getting someone to clean your house if you’re too busy or just hate cleaning. I’ve heard friends and family attest to the difficulty of finding great people to help organise their household. This African friendship company will be the go-to for such services. The company will also have a guy. Everyone has a guy and everyone needs a guy. My car broke down, there’s a guy. My DStv isn’t working, there’s a guy. My sink broke, there’s a guy. I need to navigate the complicated bureaucracy of the system, there’s a guy. A lot of people find themselves stranded when they need help and then have to make several calls to get things done. Imagine if you only had to make one call? An African friend-for-hire company should be that guy that has guys. Information is key Living in any city in Nigeria (and I’m tempted to say in Africa) as a girl is a constant trade of information. You’re only as good as your personal network. “I want to do braids, where do I go?” “I need a natural hair place, which one is the best?” The African friendship company will have at least one reliable person for each issue. It will combine several networks into a master-one. Whether you need a Mr. Solomon that will be the one calling you to hurry you up for work, even though you’re the one paying for the taxi ride. Or letting you know about the lady who is the best loctician in town and only uses honey and shea butter to loc hair. Take me out! This one needs no explanation. I want to know the best place to eat out, new places to eat out and shops that sell great stuff at bargain prices but I don’t know where to start. I’m in the mood for some buka food and want to go to the best buka in my area. I heard there is a new club opening in town but don’t have anyone to go with. A close friend was recently in India and hired a friend to take her to hidden food spots in Delhi. I personally want a food tour of Accra, Nairobi, Luanda, Addis Ababa… This friendship company will not only have the answers to all these questions ready, they will also provide a friend to take you there and make sure you have a good time. Hiring a “friend” through a company is definitely more reliable that doing so through one person. Like Pally Asia, our African friend-for-hire company may want to screen the people whose services are hired out. It’s also necessary to have no-go areas like kissing, sexual services, taking photos of people hired, flights abroad, etc. Will selling friendship work for African? Is there already a friend-for-hire service thriving in an
Words of wisdom from Africa’s first lady of entertainment Bonang Matheba
There is nothing better than seeing our fellow African women killin’ it in the game. Bonang Matheba is a South African television host, radio personality, and business woman. From, hosting the red carpet for E!, being the brand ambassador for Revlon South Africa and mentoring South African girls. Bonang can be inspiration for all of us due to her passion for African women and woman empowerment. Here our some word of wisdom from Bonang that any #MotherlandMogul can apply to their lives. Cutting out the negativity “I’ve had to cut out a few acquaintances after realising that negative energy from people I associated myself with would weigh me down, letting go of such relations helped me focus on my career and self development.” As DJ Khaled affectionately put it, stay away from they. Negative people can take up your time and time is money. As the old saying goes you are who you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers soon enough you will find yourself becoming one of them. If you want to be fulfilled, successful, and career focused, make sure you constantly surround yourself with people who are the same. Be whatever you want to be “We live in a world where everyone has the ability to be whatever they wish to be no matter the circumstance or environment one comes from.” Sometimes we get into the habit of letting opportunities or great ideas we have pass due to our previous experiences or the situations that we are in. Your dreams are valid. Your circumstances don’t define your future. Never let go of an opportunity you believe in. Never doubt yourself or let where you’ve come from define you. Hold on to your confidence “Always be confident in your skin and your capabilities. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, “No, you can’t do this. No, you can’t do that,” but I always remained confident in myself.” Don’t let a few no’s or failures tarnish your confidence. Bonang didn’t easily reach over a million Twitter followers or become one of the most influential people on the African continent. She isn’t an overnight success story. Bonang was turned down in at least 25 auditions before her first big break at YFM radio, she auditioned 9 times to be a presenter on Live Amp. Some of us would have threw in the towel after the first 3 rejections but Bonang didn’t take no for an answer. “Rise above, replace hate with love and pray, work hard, dress up and kill it.” “You need to grow so hard and so thick and so strong to a point where it doesn’t matter what people think, you need to do what makes you happy.” In others words, Hey South African #MotherlandMoguls, the SheHive will be landing in Johannesburg from November 3-6. Find out more here.
What Jhene Aiko showed us about divorce in Nigeria
Remember the not-so-shocking end of Jhene Aiko’s marriage to her Nigerian husband, DotdaGenius? It really brought to the forefront how most Nigerians view divorce. The lessons to learn from this bitter and public divorce are numerous. Let’s look at what not to do when a relationship goes sour. Don’t ever feel the need to air your dirty laundry in public For absurd reasons like getting “support”, even if it’s from outsiders, people tend to share more than they should. Jhene Aiko sort of did this on social media after the divorce news broke. Rather than do this, how about settling the rift(s) with the other party without the prying eyes of people who may not really care? Especially as we all agree that there’s some sanctity to marriage. Your value kind of diminishes when you give third parties undue vested interests in your business. Infidelity Being in an unhappy marriage is better imagined, especially when a partner is cheating. But cheating to get back at the spouse is never the best solution to an already terrible situation. Playing the two-can-play-the-game revenge tactic is never the way to go. Rather than cheat, please girl, opt out! Fear Nigerian women have this inexplicable fear of divorce. This may have been fueled by the myth that kids from “broken homes” don’t make good homes themselves. Unfortunately, there is still a never-ending stigma associated with divorce. Nigerians have a way of labeling divorcees (especially women) as rude and not submissive. It’s always the woman’s fault. Making women feel this way because a marriage didn’t work, has made a lot of women stay in unhappy relationships “for the kids”. No one wants to be stereotyped unfairly. Starting over Marriage offers some form of validation for women in Nigeria, and maybe even other parts of Africa. It is believed that irrespective of what a woman achieves, she is nothing without a man. Owing to these beliefs, even otherwise strong women would rather stay in a loveless marriage while enduring being treated badly or even cheated on. In conclusion, Nigerian women need to realise that a divorce can never be the end of one’s life. Everyone is entitled to a new beginning and even after a divorce, there’s still hope. There you have it, ladies, it’s time to have a fresh outlook on love and relationships, and marriage.
Lessons from Mark Zuckerberg’s visit: Check your bias
So by now everyone knows that Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg was in Nigeria and Kenya just recently to “inspire 200 developers”. There’s been so much buzz on that visit and we are clearly not over it yet. Here’s what we observed from not just Zuckerberg’s visit but also from the buzz around it. Tech isn’t just for guys Gone are the days of thinking being a tech girl translates to nerdy looks and oversized T-shirts associated with the halls of engineering schools. You know, we can actually have smart, independent women who get hot and heavy with electronics on a daily basis —and come out with some heat of their own. Remember how in school, your course of study wasn’t just a matter of personal preference? It defined how intelligent you were. The geeks were all in the sciences while the not-so-brainy ended up in the social sciences. The course you read was as important as the clothes you wore, or the slang you used. But not anymore. Anyone, and we mean just anyone, can thrive in the tech world! So, here’s the thing, ladies. It’s okay to declare membership to that social group and be hip. We need more tech girls and we’ll be cheering them all the way. Defining people by their colour is not cool! There has been a lot discussion over skin tone. Over the weekend, after Mark Zuckerberg’s visit, the colour fights got worse on twitter between Nigerians and Kenyans. https://twitter.com/hennrry007/status/772177102321885184 These days, the one-time ubiquitous ‘black is beautiful’ mantra has been overrun by the light-skinned Instagram sensation. While everyone still claims that blackness is the gold standard for African women’s skin, others would insult a black woman for being too dark. Sneaky. We are officially over it. How about we start making women (and men alike) comfortable in the skin they were made in? The last time we checked we were all black! In all fairness, you can’t be chilling at the background all the time Your perspective changes right around the first time you’ve worked at a place for a while and seen a Psychology graduate changing oils at a factory. You chuckle or cringe at the strangeness of it and realize, “Wait a second! He probably even earns a salary higher than people who have MBAs!” You may need to start redefining when and how you reach mega-success. That means making your passions profitable. It may even mean skipping school to pursue a dream. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs all did it, you know. Forgoing a traditional corporate career may pay off —but remember it also takes discipline, hard lessons, and responsibilities at an age when most of us are still figuring out which of our photoshopped pictures to post on Instagram. Ideal business location has over 1,000 other meanings We are not here to say location isn’t important or anything —but it is there only for ambience. Andela, the tech company Mark Zuckerberg visited is definitely not located in the highbrow areas of Lagos. It’s at the Co-creation Hub in the suburbs of Yaba! I bet you didn’t also know that in June, for its first lead investment, Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan’s fund led a whooping $24 million into Andela! So, the location may not be what you’d expect but so what? Zuckerberg found them anyway. In conclusion, all the stereotypes that made sense years ago and kept us busy doing nothing to better our lives as Africans? Forget them. We know better.
The fault in Nigeria’s stars: The war between business & government
The fault, dear Shakespeare, is occasionally in our stars —and if you’re Nigerian, occasionally in our government. Yesterday, while all of Nigeria nursed a hangover from Mark Zuckerberg’s stealthy visit to Lagos, local government officials handed out an overdose of Advil, with complementary sunglasses, to smack us all back to reality from the ephemeral excitement. Amongst other properties on Rumens Road in Ikoyi, the Lagos branch of the Nuli Juice Company—a rising local healthy fast food company—was demolished by local government officials who claimed that warnings had been sent to the respective landlords concerning outstanding fees. A worrying trend A few months ago, the Federal Government of Nigeria, through the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC), slammed a $5.2 billion fine on MTN for failing to disconnect unregistered users, dragging the telecoms giant’s bottom line to a headline loss for the first half of 2016. This was amidst questionable monetary policy decisions by the Central Bank that have now seen the Nigerian economy, along with the constituent businesses of the flailing economy, crumble in 2016. The tug of war between Nigerian businesses, their predominantly foreign investors and the government has never been more obvious. And Nigeria’s economic situation, more disheartening. The same business owners, investors and government officials who vivaciously graced the dance floor to the tune of the “Africa is shaped like a gun and Nigeria is the trigger” chant led by McKinsey & Company and The Economist appear to be trickling off. Standard Chartered and Atlas Mara are leading the exodus from Nigeria with United Airlines and Sun International in tow. The Garden of Eden has proven that when trouble strikes in paradise, the blaming game begins. Adam blames Eve, Eve, the serpent and we Nigerians, our government. That’s just the way the chaos crumbles. However, the Nigerian government is not alone but in good company. The Chinese government has driven Uber to a $1.3 billion loss in the first half of the year. The Tanzanian government abruptly passed a bill requiring all telcos to list on the Dar Es Salam Stock Exchange. The South African government’s proposed sugar tax has the potential to squeeze the life out of Coca Cola’s operations in the country. This chasm between the private and public sector across the globe could not be more glaring. Thankfully, in my lifetime, I’ve experienced the magic that happens when the chasm is bridged. I spent the summer of my sophomore year in college interning at Sahel Capital, a leading agriculture-focused investment firm. Sahel Capital manages the $100 million Fund for Agricultural Finance in Nigeria (FAFIN). Nigeria’s Ministry of Agriculture established the fund and now, Sahel Capital manages it. I am the daughter of my father, a brilliant agricultural economist. He spent the bulk of his career in Nigerian agribusinesses—the private sector. My late maternal grandfather spent his life in public service. In his day, he worked in the agriculture sector of Nigeria’s Western Region. Interning at Sahel Capital, the epitome of public-private partnership, my two worlds collided. And not just mine, but Nigeria’s too. Collaboration between the public and private sector is by no means beyond the bounds of possibility. Here’s blowing the whistle on our leaders for attempting to prove otherwise.
4 dating ideas for busy girls
Like it or not, it happens. You finally decide to do something about this awesome business idea or project, you get immersed in it, then you begin to get tired as this somehow takes over your life. Suddenly, you look up and realize you have no significant other or anything close to it. You’ve been out of school for about a decade or so which means you’re in your late 20s or early 30s. So, you sort of forget how these things are done. I know it’s not exactly science, but dating demands some effort. Putting in the grunt work now while you’re still young, is so worth it to find the ‘right’ one for the next phase of your life. Here are my top four tips for dating as a busy single girl, whatever it is you do and no matter how old you are. Ask for introductions Ask your family and friends for referrals. Be downright shameless if you have to! These people know you better than anyone else and will help you meet suitable, pre-vetted people. You know, like in the same way having someone pass along your resumé can help. This is an effective way to expand your existing circle. Though there’s no guarantee that this would work but who knows, you might just end up with a new friend or gist buddy. Be creative with the little time on your hands No, really. Get innovative. It doesn’t have to be anything nerve-wracking but literally, get yourself out there. I’d say take this glorious moment of singlehood when your life isn’t jam-packed with commitments (except, of course, making truckloads of money). You may even start giving off that irresistible vibe of a person with passion. You then become the more attractive to potential dates. If you’re an introvert like me, going out might be pretty difficult and I’d suggest doing only things that make you comfortable. These ideas prove that love doesn’t really cost a thing or much: – Volunteering – Free concerts – Go to the movies – Attend weddings…I know it’s cliché but still. – Go out with friends – Attend birthday parties You never know where the right people might find you. Online dating … don’t rule it out yet It’s hard to deny the fact that online dating isn’t just the new normal —it also works. Of course, like all good things, relying on online dating has its downsides. So, I’d say be careful (you’re too smart to be scammed, girl). Be sure to keep your expectations in check. Remember, even a bad date can be a good learning experience. Invite the best. Cut off the wrong people You’re already so busy and can’t afford the luxury of having the wrong person around you. Don’t be one of those people who hang around, enduring disrespect, taking inconsistent calls or texts, hoping that one day this person will change. Give yourself a little tough love and delete the wrong person(s) from your life. You don’t have to convince anyone of your worthiness. Trust yourself and let go of the insecurities and soon, you’ll know what to do and who is right for you.
“Your natural hair makes you look unkempt”
In case you haven’t heard, something amazing happened in South Africa. Just recently, the pupils of Pretoria Girls High protested over subliminal racist rules at the school. Apparently, the school basically told these young girls that their natural hair and Afros make their uniform look “unkempt”. In a world where black women and girls continue to defy the odds and accomplish feats in business and career, our hair cannot continue to define us. It’s been a decade since India Arie reminded us that we are not our hair. Yes, we understand that typically, our natural hair is incredibly thick. We know it is lush, ravishing, gorgeous and most likely, voluminous. We also understand that our hair does not lie flat like straight hair. In a society that associates hair that is straight or has loose curls as ”tidy”, we obviously don’t fit. Yet, having natural hair should never be a crime and it’s high time we (Africans included!) stopped hating on natural hair. I mean, what’s wrong with deciding to wear your hair without a relaxer? When will the world understand that all hair is equal? Healthy hair can be natural, straightened, coloured or chemically treated! Back to the issue at Pretoria, the students have also claimed that the rules in place don’t allow them wear inherently Black hairstyles. They are not to wear Bantu knots, braids, dreadlocks too! News of protests from the students against the school’s arbitrary rules have gone viral. A petition titled, ‘Stop Racism at Pretoria Girls High’ that has garnered over 14,000 asks that; – The school’s code of conduct does not discriminate against black and Muslim girls; – Disciplinary action against teachers and other staff members implementing any racist policy and/or racist actions – Protection for the learners who protested to ensure they will not be victimized. Meanwhile, the hashtag #StopRacismAtPretoriaGirls has been trending on Twitter. This message from a teacher to a parent takes the cake: Let’s hear what you think about the natural hair debate. Should the way you keep your hair define you? Should educational institutions have the power to decide how girls keep their hair?