More than business: Having a life outside the office
[bctt tweet=”How do you keep your life in check when it feels like work is the only life you know?” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Work can be overwhelming especially if you work long hours. It takes a lot to get up in the morning and when you get home, you drag yourself to bed. So how do you keep your life in check when it feels like work is the only life you know? It is so important to have an active life outside of work as our lives outside the office do effect our careers. All our facets of life are intertwined and it is important to make sure that we do things outside of work continue to bring positivity into our lives. Be organized After a long day at work you don’t want to go home to have to clean, do errands or go shopping. You just want to get home and relax. Being organised definitely makes life easier. One of the best ways to stay organised and to monitor and track your activities is to use a bullet journal. Setting aside a particular day to do your weekly grocery shopping and housecleaning take away the stresses of having to run around during the week worrying about small things. Leave work at the office It is important to distance your work life from home life. This means you have to be as efficient as you can be at work so you aren’t tempted or required to take any work home. If you have to work from home, then try make sure that you work until a certain time and then take a break. That way you create an area that’s just for you that isn’t filled with the stresses of work. Make your home a place you won’t dread to come back to after a long day. [bctt tweet=”Perfect the art of keeping your work life and your home life far apart” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Keep motivated At the start of the year create a vision board setting out what you would love to see yourself achieve in the year. It may be planning for a girl’s trip away or setting career goals. Vision boards are a great way to stay inspired because you are reminded of what you want when you see it. Keeping a coin jar can help you have something to look forward to such as a trip or those shoes that you wanted for the longest time. Empty your handbag at the end of each day and whatever change you have in there put it in your coin jar and you can add up and you have something to look forward to. We all need a creative outlet to stay vitalised and motivated in life and at work. One of the best ways to spend your time could be to take get active or pick up a new hobby. This give you something to look forward to outside of work. Be social A lot of people struggle with making friends outside work because they spend a lot of time at the office and just go home. So how do you build up your social life when you feel isolated? Get out of the house! If you are a sporty person join a gym and go to classes or find park runs where you could meet people with similar interests. Joining a book club can also be a great way to meet new people. Volunteering is also a great way to do something good with the potential to meet new people. Make time for friends and family if you live near them, even if it is just for a few hours. They will keep you sane. Treat yo’ self Make the most of your weekends! What you do in your spare time and the attitude you have will impact your overall character and attitude. You have to make time to make sure all the facets of your life are enriched especially keeping an active social life. Schedule self- love appointments even if it is only for an hour or two. Set aside time to reflect, journal, get a haircut or read a book. Spending a day or weekend with family or friends is very important for making sure you stay positive. Make time to do the things that make you happy. So set aside a day when you do exactly what you want. TREAT YO’ SELF!
Am I supposed to be sex-starved as a career woman?
[bctt tweet=”I never believed that my job that I enjoy a lot could bring me to an unfulfilling sexual place” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] I can undoubtedly say that I love my job a great deal and it has brought nothing else but joy and unspeakable gladness of heart —being blessed with such a wonderful career. I never thought I could get to a place in my life where I would wish for a different kind of life. I never believed that my job that I enjoy a lot could bring me to a place where I felt sex-starved. Never knew I could get to a stage where I would wish or make fantasy about sex in my head. Fantasy is all I was reduced to having; it’s all I could do. I would compare my sexual libido to that of a hormonal teenager, and I am not mincing words. I am a woman blessed with great sexual desires, I had such an amazing sex life with my husband when I still had lighter work schedule. My sex life was great and always so electrifying until… Until I got promoted at work and had more meetings to attend and deadlines to meet up with. At first, it was nice and satisfying. At the time, I didn’t know that I was waving a goodbye to my amazing sexual life. In the words of Billy Joel; “There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex”. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich was now so much better than my sex life; I didn’t want to admit that but it was true. I didn’t want to believe that my steaming exhilarating days are practically over. I didn’t want to believe that my successful career could have such a terrible impact on my sex life. I knew I just had to do something, my sex life represents a huge part of who I am, and I can’t fake that! So, I couldn’t submit to defeat! No, instead I took some daring steps which helped me realize how I could enjoy an exciting sex life and still be a badass career woman. [bctt tweet=”I realized I could enjoy an exciting sex life and still be a badass career woman” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Quickie, not such a bad idea, right? A quickie is a spontaneous act, though it’s quick, women believe that it can’t be extraordinary. You are wrong, you can make it all that you want it to be! Quickie sex is designed to bring a new whole dimension to your love life; you don’t have to hold back when you know there is no time, remember? Just have it and be done with it, but don’t forget to make it fun. I say a quickie is way better than no sex at all. As a career woman, you don’t have to deceive yourself into believing that you can have frequent sex life. I don’t think that’s feasible, only if your work schedule is not as tight as I imagine it is. If it is, then you would want to do this instead of being sex-starved till eternity. Let your body do the thinking for once Planning your sex can go a long way in satisfying your sexual desires as you have always wanted with your partner. Look forward to an ecstatic day of your choice and make every second of the love making count. Don’t over think things, forget about that workload sitting at your desk, ignore that misunderstanding you have had with a colleague at work. Just ease yourself into the sexual pleasure you are receiving and forget everything in your head. Your head isn’t supposed to be in the “work” place now, let your body do the thinking. Run from it all You don’t deserve to be this emotionally or sexually frustrated, however you want to call it. You deserve all the happiness in the world, do you know why? Because you are a strong, hard working and gorgeous Motherland Mogul, you literally deserve the best. You don’t have to finish your work in a day; you can always finish it up tomorrow. Plan a weekend getaway with your partner if possible, pamper yourself with some invigorating romantic pleasures, your body deserves it. Sex is a good thing; don’t you know God designed it to be beautiful and relaxing? So, why be unnecessarily sex-starved? Your body doesn’t deserve this. It’s high time you stopped blaming your career for ruining your sex life. Take action today in liberating yourself from what may be a dysfunctional sexual life; I know you can do better than this!
6 ways to remain calm under tight deadlines
[bctt tweet=”How do you keep your cool under stressful deadlines? ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Even if you’re lucky to have a job that doesn’t entail working with deadlines, one thing for certain is there will be a time in your life where you will find yourself under an intense pressure situation, that can either make or break you at work. While it’s good to work with deadlines, they can be incredibly stressful. Deadlines give us an idea of the amount of time we have to work on something and help us to complete tasks on time; that’s the good. The bad? Tension mounts and we start to feel like we’re running out of time the closer we get to a deadline. The biggest secret is to remain calm. Here are a few tips on how you can remain composed under deadline stress. 1. Make sure your deadlines are realistic If your deadlines are always too short, you’re likely to feel stressed from the moment the deadline is set. The solution is to figure out whether the deadline you’ve been given is realistic; then to have a sense of how much time is needed for the task. If you’re given a deadline that seems unreasonable or too tight, find out whether the deadline is flexible and if you can make a case to have it extended. Deadlines are real but sometimes they can be negotiated. Don’t be afraid to ask for more time if you feel the deadline is really unworkable. [bctt tweet=”Deadlines are real but sometimes they can be negotiated. Don’t be afraid to ask” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 2. Choose a positive response I came across this quote which says; “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” When faced with a situation that puts you under pressure, you generally have two responses. You can choose to change either the situation or your response to it. Even if you have no power to do anything about the set deadline, you have the power to choose how you respond to it. Instead of thinking negative or allowing the deadline to make you tense, you can choose to refocus your thinking to a positive response. This will lead to a positive action, such as “I can do this” or “How can I do this?”. A positive response will help you to remain calm and focused on what needs to be done. Learn how to defeat the panic signals. 3. Think about the progress you’ve already made Instead of freaking out, it can be tremendously helpful to take a minute to reflect on what you’ve accomplished so far. Do this first before turning your attention to the mountain that remains ahead of you. During a challenging workday, focusing on the meaningful progress you’ve made so far, can boost your emotions. Also, it can motivate you to keep going until all the work is done. It is the “small wins” that keep us going, especially in stressful scenarios. [bctt tweet=”It is the “small wins” that keep us going, especially in stressful scenarios” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 4. Listen to a relaxing song Certain people are naturally gifted with a calm personality, and it gives them a competitive advantage under stressful situations. But if you know you’re not one of them, you need to learn some calming practices. Calming practices are a lifesaver when under pressure. When under stress, you can strengthen your calming muscle by listening to music that really relaxes you. Listen to a calming song until you feel deeply relaxed. The experts say music has a unique link to our emotions; it can be a highly effective stress management tool. So put on your earphones and turn that music on. 5. Take a deep breath That feeling when you look at the clock and your heart rate starts going up. The easiest way to remain calm under stress lies in something you already know: you just need to breathe. When you’re feeling stressed, take a few minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door or isolate yourself from all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe properly. The process of controlling your breathing will help your brain focus only on the task at hand and will lift the cloud of stress from your head. 6. Total recall Can you recall one or two situations that caused you serious stress in the past? Remember how you handled that stressful deadline and came out victorious! Bring back that feeling of being confident and being in control of the situation. Let the positive experiences from your dealing with stressful situations guide you wisely through the new challenge you are facing. Remind yourself that today you are stronger than yesterday. You can tackle it just like you tackled it before!
4 ways to sustainably self-gift
[bctt tweet=”Just keep a good distance between yourself and irresponsible spending this year” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Are you familiar with the term pro-spending? Okay so maybe I coined and altered that one. I can promise you now though, you can spend productively. Now if you are part of the favoured and wise saving population that has a jar full of pennies to spend on gifts, then this one is especially for you. I mean, who better than you to buy yourself gifts and make your own little wishes come true, right? Whatever you do and whoever you are, there is always something you know you should probably spend on but won’t. Instead of buying a whole lot of things you’re not even going to have or use, why not gift yourself sustainably? Trust me, it’s very possible. I intend on schooling you on gifts you should consider addressing to yourself that you will still be proud of forever. Ready to self-gift? 1. Gifts to curb the struggle Remember all those little items that you desperately need and want but your budget was like…? Well why not spend on those items now? If you grew up in a family like mine, then you’ll know that we shop at the season-end sale of the previous one, and that’s the exact same principle we should adopt here. It might be a study lamp for load shedding, a new suit for work, new devices and gadgets for freelancing or anything durable really. Even with this very ‘safe’ spending, it’s still possible to go over-board, so be cautious. [bctt tweet=”If the timing of your spending is wrong, even the ‘necessary spending’ can be reckless.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 2. PR and marketing The beauty about PR and marketing is that one can always use more of it! This is a good time to look out for new ways to market your services, skills or business. Do this to a group of people with thousands of rands just waiting to be spent on you! Whether you are an events MC, model, photographer, promotions person, marketing specialist, and so on, someone could use your help. Get out there, market yourself, communicate with your market, tell and show them what you can do. [bctt tweet=”There’s no such thing as enough PR and marketing.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 3. Branding I can’t stress this enough, you need to get branded! In all seriousness, branding legit goes a very long way. Get your logo on a cap or shirt, have your team wear those shirts to events for instance. You never know who’s looking! An even better suggestion for those whose businesses are still on the ground, go get your logo designed/perfected. Maybe get business cards and hell yes, invest in that famous ‘info@yourbusiness.co.za’ email, you’ll thank me later. 4. Networking I’m pretty certain most of you will like this one. If all you can do is go to festivals and picnics, then do it with a goal —network! Sneak a few business cards in your purse and casually give them to people you think you could possibly work with. The upside of this is the opportunities that might come your way during the ever-so-rude hunger month that follows very shortly; JanUWorry. If there’s nothing at all you can think of, especially you early December pay and bonus ladies, I’m sure your bank would be happy to keep that money for you. You’ll be happier when you see it, plus the interest will save you on a rainy day! Okay, don’t freak out yet, you’ll be good. Just keep a good distance between yourself and irresponsible spending this year.
When competing with your male colleague goes wrong
[bctt tweet=”Working hard almost cost me my life before I finally realized that I had limits” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] I didn’t want to admit the sudden realization that my workplace had now become a war zone for me. More like, “A war that I am scared I may not win”. It felt as though I was losing to the battle —one of self-pride. Restlessness overwhelmed me each morning. You see, I have this very intelligent colleague. He’s very charming and he knows this, clearly showed his abilities off as he’s quite good at his job. It gets annoying most times. Everybody loves and respects me at work and while I am grateful for that, I wanted more. I wanted more attention, and respect. Kinda felt I deserved it! Soon, I made myself into believing that I could be better than my colleague, faster even and more appreciated. I had this insatiable appetite for success, and to achieve it; I wanted to do all the work by myself without him helping so he wouldn’t take all the glory —crazy, right? [bctt tweet=”I made myself into believing that I could be better than my male colleague” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Once, we had a workload to be executed by three people, one that was to be finished in a week! It was as if a spirit possessed me. I told myself, “no going home” and informed the rest of my colleagues that they needn’t worry. I was going do it all by myself and be through in two days. Their reply was as expected, they asked if I was sure I could do it. This angered me so I replied, “I am a woman not a weakling.” I threw myself into it; I wanted to show the rest of the department that I was not as fragile as they had painted me, and I was stronger than I looked. I felt I needed to erase all doubt. What I taught would take 2 days turned into a tiring and exhausting week. A part of me wanted to give up and and to ask my colleagues to finish up but, I didn’t want that. Once I finished the job , I had everybody’s attention as I intended. Yet, I had reached burn out. In my life, I had never felt so tired like I did after that week, I felt so drained. But that was just the beginning, from then on my workload increased. In my head, I was screaming so hard but unfortunately, this became my new reality; heavy workload in very tight deadlines. I wasn’t prepared for that at all! All I wanted was a little attention and respect, I didn’t want to faint at the hallway. What I didn’t realize was: It was okay to ask and accept help Asking for help doesn’t make you feel less of a person. It doesn’t reveal to the world that you are helpless, it shows that you are human, not a robot. Everybody has their breaking limit. For me, it almost cost me my life before finally realizing that I had limits. Really, ask for that help, it won’t cost you anything, not even your pride or dignity. It is better to be a team player Team players never get too tired or exhausted. Do you know why? They work hand-in-hand with their subordinates. All you need is to be there and supervise the job; you don’t have to do it all. Most people tend to have an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) when it comes to their jobs, they want everything perfect —which can be so amazing but still don’t overdo it, or else, you might break. Competition with a male counterpart is overrated I know you are a strong and determined woman, there is no disputing that —but you don’t need to lose yourself in trying to prove to everybody that you are stronger than a man. There is no need! Forget competing, just make sure you give your best shot at your job, that’s really all there is to it.
Looking back at 2016’s lessons
[bctt tweet=”It’s crazy to think what a difference a year can make, @Kendibone_S shares her lessons” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] As we stroll into 2017, I wanted to take a look back at it, and see what has stood out as really important lessons learned in 2016. First up, we have; Listen to your inner voice As cliché as it may sound, sometimes when working on certain projects or people, there is often a small voice telling you to say ‘no’. Yet whether it doesn’t make sense financially, does not suit your brand or just a personal reason, we often agree and suffer the consequences of it. I have slowly started getting used to saying ‘no’ to making clothes that do not complement my brand or my brand’s style. After reading how saying no, can be one of the best self-care, I’ve been slowly getting into saying it more. Don’t be a lone-ranger Although I work best when working alone, I have come to appreciate how much collaborations can help and grow your business. Learning to mingle with industry leaders, influential people and chatting to some —even if it’s just to ask a question— has really made a difference in my business’s growth and reach. Working with both like-minded people and “unlike-minded” people, helps you see things differently or in some cases, build on what you already have. Simple things like collaborating with a start-up courier company can help you lower your costs and help them grow their client bases and develop their track-record. [bctt tweet=”Make your customer service your best marketing tool – @Kendibone_S” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Value your clients They are the lifeblood of your business. Make your customer service your best marketing tool, simply because it is far more organic and real. A referral from a trusted friend is far more effective than a paid for Facebook advert. Not to say that one should not participate in paid advertising, but when you cannot afford it, your customers will do it for you, free of charge. And when they can’t, you simply engage in some referral-based marketing and offer discounts and free gifts for every new clients they bring. This is totally worth it and far more effective. Self-love We as entrepreneurs often spend each and every waking hour slaving away at building our businesses and often forget to take care of ourselves. Like in emergency airplane situations, you are instructed to put on an oxygen mask on yourself before you can help anyone, even children. One must take care of oneself before they can take care if their business. I started practising self-love recently, when I painted my nails after months of not making time to do it. Self-love need not be extravagant, it just has to be something that makes you happy. Something as simple as buying yourself an ice-cream cone and taking a walk or giving yourself a half-day from work, can go a mighty long way. Get uncomfortable It’s crazy to think what a difference a year can make. I started off the year with just my clothing brand and its online store, but the tail-end of 2016 I had an actual walk-in boutique that opened early December. Before this I had fears about the cost and implications of opening a store, possibility of zero sales, being unable to cover overheads, and for a long time was paralysed by it. But as the famous meme says, the magic happens outside the comfort zone. There are those who are happy to not try anything and that’s all right, but for those who dream and wonder if they would be successful at something, just do it! It’s okay to fail, it says you tried! Most of us are very quick to drown ourselves in the negatives and consequences of taking a chance, that we barely come up for air and say; “but what if it does work?” As the next famous meme goes; “What if you fly?” We need to train our minds to be selective in the kind of thoughts that we allow into our heads, we need to be as selective of those thoughts as we are with our selfies, clothes and so on. The mind is a powerful thing. [bctt tweet=”We need to train our minds to be as selective of thoughts as we are with our selfies” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] And with that said, I look forward to starting off the year on a high note.
The easiest way to improve your life: Positive thinking
[bctt tweet=”Negative energy is just not healthy for you, better start with positive thinking” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Picture it: Monday morning. You sit in traffic for 45 minutes just to go 10 miles. You pass your work place as you head to a parking lot which is 5 blocks south of your office block because the usual lot is full. As you pull up, you glance at the clock and you are now 3 minutes late; despite waking up early and leaving your house 10 minutes ahead of schedule. As you walk out your heel gets stuck and as you try to save the Jimmy Choo, the heel breaks. On your walk into work, you’re reminded that the country you live in just elected a cartoon character to be its next president (I live in the U.S., if you couldn’t tell). You walk into work, someone looks at you and allows the door to slam in your face. As if that was not enough for one morning, you get to your desk and your co-worker calls you by the wrong name. Now, as your irritation increases, you need to sit yourself down and breath it all out. Then you fix your attitude because someone didn’t have the opportunity to see this same Monday, although it just tried to steal your shine. Positivity is something so simple, yet overlooked when it comes to our lives. In The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho the author writes, “…when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Imagine after you didn’t receive the promotion you wanted or life went unplanned, you were able to move forward because you kept a positive outlook. There’s a reason why countless essays and books have been written about it, an entire field of study is dedicated to it, and the most successful figures in history swear by it. So why don’t you? These 5 simple steps will upgrade you from basic to a positive thinking boss in no time. Smile There is truth in the Science of Smiling. Research has shown that by simply forcing yourself to smile naturally increases happiness. Any time you are getting in a bad mood, immediately work up a smile; even if it’s forced. If you look in the mirror at how ridiculous you look faking a smile, chances are you’ll laugh at yourself and boost endorphins. It’s a win, win! Choose a mantra Everyone needs a go-to statement on deck to fight off bad vibes. Once you’ve decided what works best for you, write it down and make it visible. Write out your personal mantra in lipstick on your mirror so you can start your day off right. I personally have a reminder set every day on my phone to love others. Mantras can be simple or extremely detailed, as long as it’s positive you’ll be good to go. [bctt tweet=”Everyone needs an all time statement to fight off bad vibes, use yours to remain positive” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Give back When I was in college, just like other students in their twenties, I went back and forth with feelings of depression. Therefore, to get out of my funk I started volunteering at The Homeless Children’s Playtime Project. Once a week, I went to a women and children’s shelter and played with babies while their mothers took classes. It was one of the best experiences of my life and it instantly lifted my spirits. There is always someone that could use your help in the world, someone who will need you to be their voice so get to lookin’! Count your blessings Every night before you go to sleep, identify and list all the amazing things that you have to be thankful for. When you wake up, read that list. Keep in mind that you always have something to be positive about. Simply taking your next breath is plenty to be thankful for. It’s those little things we think we have a right to that we should be grateful for. Eliminate negative people from your life You know that ‘friend’ who doesn’t clap when you win? The one that always has someone to talk about? That friend who leaves you feeling emotionally drained after hanging out with her? It’s time for her to go. As harsh as it sounds, NO negative energy is better for your life. It’s unhealthy and counteractive for you and your new positive lifestyle.
5 things you must know before starting a business with your husband
[bctt tweet=”What could possibly go wrong when you start a business with your husband? Everything!” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Relationships have a lot of milestones, and one you could add to your cherished-memory collection could be of starting a business with your husband. You may be thinking, “We’ve been married for five years now”. You’ve obviously thought of the cons, you have even imagined how much of an adventure it would be —what could possibly go wrong?? Now, you may have a point, but before you go on and tell hubby you want to start a business together, here are a few things you may want to have in your knowledge basket… 1. Compatible marriage partner does not mean compatible business partner So you dated the man for 3 years, and have been married to him for the past 4 years. You’re thinking “we make a great team!” Sure you do —but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will work out the same way in the office too. When thinking of a business partner, regardless of whether they’re your husband or not, a lot of things come to consideration; such as your personality types and your skill sets, and personality traits for success. Does he want to take charge everywhere? Would he be willing to let you be an equal partner and leave the ‘head of the family’ cap at home? And your skills; are they complementary or overlapping?? If you both love to do paperwork, there will be a problem because no one will want to do some fieldwork. Who is sitting behind the desk and who is meeting the big guys? While complementary skill sets are a bonus in marriage, the same just doesn’t apply in the work field. 2. He will still need his wife… This is definitely something you need to talk about along with your job descriptions. You probably already have some rooster at home for who is taking out the trash or picking up the kids from school and what have you. The same will need to apply in the office. Who makes the final decisions? Who talks to the employees (if any) in meetings? Having the who-does-what conversation will be fruitful, and will help you carry out your wifely and/or motherly duties effectively. After all is said and done, you are his wife and he will still need you to be such before and after work. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that just because he saw you slaving away at work he will understand not having his favourite meal on the day it’s served. Will you need to hire a maid? Will you be too tired to cook? Talk everything out, but remember to not neglect the fact that you are his wife above everything else, and that as lenient as he may be, he’s still your man and his needs are yours to cater for. [bctt tweet=”You’ll need time alone…and other things to consider if you want to start-up with your husband” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 3. Your marriage will take strain… Your funds and the time you spent together being a couple will take strain, and it will show. Is it manageable? Totally. Are you and your partner strong enough to weather the storms that will hit? That is a decision you should both be willing to make because things can get ugly…In the meantime, be warned my sister. 4. You’ll need alone time If you decide to start a business with your husband, consider the fact that you are spending pretty much all your time with him. To add on to that too, you are married to the guy, so you’ll be living like this forever, God-willing. Believe it or not, you will get tired of your husband. To avoid this, make sure you find hobbies and activities outside of your marriage and work. Get that work-life balance. This way, you avoid having your conversations revolve around work and home. You get to spice it up with some news about how you beat your girls to the tennis game you had that weekend. Spending too much time with him should not be an excuse to neglect your life, or not keep him on his toes. 5.There is no guarantee it will work out Start-ups can fail, and having your husband as your business partner does not make you an exception. Work on a contingency plan before you start your business. Besides, who says the fear of failure should hold you back? You can always bounce back!
How to manage a horrible boss
[bctt tweet=”I suffered greatly at the hands of a horrible boss, here’s what you can learn from my experience” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Having a horrible boss that doesn’t like you or who humiliates you at the slightest opportunity can be really daunting on your self-esteem as a woman. The feel of someone indifferently showing off hatred towards you is scary. You tell yourself, “if I can just do a little more, maybe he will get to like me” or, “if I tried doing some things differently, maybe he would appreciate my work more”. Yet, when you’re coming to the office, you are terribly frightened as if it’s your first day at school. I was one of those people that suffered greatly at the cold hands of a horrible boss. It was my first job as a Medical Laboratory Scientist in a reputable hospital in Nigeria. I know some can relate to the euphoria of the first day of work and how mixed your feelings could be —happiness and fright. What I never thought could happen was my direct boss hating me, I mean, tangible hatred. The first week and month passed and I felt I was in hell. Everything I did went wrong and it was obvious to the rest of the department that my boss hated me. He constantly told me I wasn’t good enough —humiliating and dragging me through the mud in front of everyone. My colleagues would say, “Maybe he wants to go out with you and doesn’t know how to say it”, but the truth is we never had a clue to the reason why. My boss bullied me for months, it got bad to the extent I would cry my eyes out wishing I never had the job. One day, I told myself that wasn’t who I am —I’m better and stronger than this and I made a decision that changed my life and career for good; and it silenced my boss all through my stay at the workplace. I would like to share with you some of them, exploring what could cause a boss hating you in the first place. [bctt tweet=”My boss bullied me so much, I would cry my eyes out wishing I never had the job” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] What could cause a boss to hate you? Negative perceptions Some men believe that most gorgeous looking women are flirts. That is ridiculous, right? Yet, we still have those men amongst us on this planet; in this modern age they see beautiful ladies as easy or wayward. Most times, this type of man would want to make advances towards you because he feels you will give him free access. Then if you snub him, he becomes so angry and humiliated that he feels the need to frustrate you out of your job. If you have such a man as a boss, he will make the workplace unbearable for you. Ethnicity Some people just have a clear pictured hatred to individuals from different tribes or cultures. If you are so unfortunate to work with a boss who discriminates against your ethnicity, then your mental well-being is at risk. When you work with such people, they can make you feel unworthy and useless, but hang in there sister… Your intellectual capacity Your level of intelligence can actually be intimidating to your boss; if you are intellectually sound then a boss with low self-esteem will feel awkward around you, this awkwardness will stimulate hatred. This type of hatred comes from your boss not wanting you to excel over him, don’t you know? He will detest you more when you are the one receiving all the praises from your head office and not him. How to manage a horrible boss Having a horrible boss deprives you of the joy you are supposed to get from your job. It drains your levels of happiness, enthusiasm, and focus. Some research suggests that most employees leave their jobs not because it is stressful, but due to how horrible and terrifying their bosses are. The decision to leave my job due to my boss is the best I have ever done in my life. Now here’s what to do if your boss is a bully and you don’t have the option of leaving. Be proactive and hard working Part of what really helped me in gaining my liberty from my boss is pro-activeness. I decided not to waste time on any job given to me. Before he could utter a word about my work, my response will be, “It’s done”. This reduced his continuous negative feedback towards me, because there was just nothing left to say. I didn’t give him any chance to insult me any more. If you don’t want anybody not even your boss to mouth-rubbish you, then be proactive and be hard working at your job. [bctt tweet=”Having a horrible boss deprives you of the joy you are supposed to get from your job” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Don’t ever be bullied into silence One of Tim Fields quotes struck me while writing this article, it says; “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” This quote is perfect for making you realize no one can make you feel inferior, only if you allow them. Once you have done your best at your work, and your horrible boss still makes you feel like a loser; then it’s time you take your stand and say no more. There is a way you can be firm, stick to your principles and still be very respectful. Make your boss know you are not a weakling that should be cowered into silence or bullied. Be a team player There is this overwhelming fulfilment that comes with doing your work well and being a team player. When you do this, you have other people’s respect and support, disregarding your boss feelings towards you. Who cares if he doesn’t like you when other people
Dreaming up new career goals
[bctt tweet=”Ever experienced a sudden change to your career path? This one is for you” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Have you ever been so confused about which career path to take —or better still be jaded by the courses on offer. In the part of the world I live, capabilities are often reduced to the ‘societal value’ of the course studied. That is why almost 90% of university hopefuls in Nigeria fight tooth and nail to get admitted into the ‘robust and lucrative’ departments. Parents want their kids to study courses that will secure their futures; not ones that are merely a “waste of time: (going with my dad’s words). Courses like Medicine, Law, Accounting, Pharmacy or Mechanical Engineering are regarded as ‘de la crème’. This inevitably puts a lot of pressure on young people and those who fail to meet up to this expected standard are often seen as the leftovers. I can be considered as one of the leftovers because I was part of those denied admission into law. My broken dreams One lesson I have learnt that is still relevant in my career journey is that dreams can change and so we can’t afford to focus on the unfulfilled ones. Soon after my graduation, I was given an opportunity to become a copywriter; I never thought writing could be a path for me. It was when I went for an interview that the two panelists convinced and opened my eyes to the uniqueness of my ability to write. At the moment I realized that the allure for law or banking was no longer there. The interviewers had planted an idea of creative writing inside of me and since then I have learnt to hone my skills. Over the years, I have come to love my new career in writing and I thrive to become better. So if you happen to stumble into a career like l did, you might find these steps useful: 1. Never stop being hungry Don’t ever be content with the basicness of the new career. Get empowered with every given opportunity. When I started as a copywriter, I quickly enrolled myself in an advertising school in Lagos where I learnt firsthand from the industry veterans. Soon after, I began to attend trainings related to my field and I still to date commit myself to multiple learning. Also don’t be afraid to spread your wings in the new field. I started with copywriting but I gradually began to explore journalistic writing. I used to send weekly opinion pieces to the Sunday editor of Punch newspaper. Those publications boosted my morale and steadied my feet later as a journalist. Explore the new field and don’t be comfortable with average,strive for excellence. As African women, we put a lot at stake if we decide to be complacent in our careers and not seize the moment. [bctt tweet=”Dreams can change and we can’t afford to hold on to the unfulfilled ones —even with your career” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] 2. The key word is patience I know you have heard this word ‘patience’ countless times; but it remains one virtue that must be acquired for us to get to the peak of our careers. Yes, it was one interview that reset my career goals but it is patience that I have continually needed to stay calm in my career journey stay calm in my career journey. It is so easy for us to fall into the trap of comparing our career stories with others but it is not right or fair on us. I particularly am guilty of this as often times I feel behind in my career in comparison to the different success stories of my colleagues. This is what I do whenever the thought crosses my mind; I take a deep breath and remind myself how far I have come and further challenge myself on the next career decision. The secret to being patience is never giving up even when all doesn’t make sense. 3. Get mentors There are mistakes in life that we can escape from. This is what mentors are for; they’ve walked that path and they can constructively guide us through our career goals if only we ask. Career mentorship is vital and it can detect how far we can go in our careers, so get to it today and seek out those mentors now. There are lots of mentoring programs for women of African descent that are committed to building and shaping the careers of African women; give yourself the opportunity of having a voice in this patriarchal society. Recently, I realized I was getting rusty in writing (I took a break to have babies) and I decided to seek professional help from an old colleague. I periodically began to send articles to her so she could constructively critique me. It’s been months now and am eternally grateful that she took me under her wing to mentor because my skills have significantly improved and l now have better approaches than before.